In case you have forgotten about my life, I'll tell ya again.
But, this isn't about Portsmouth, I'm here to tell you all about my shit-as-fuck life. Let's go all the way back to the beginning, shall we?
I was born on the 16th December 1999, very early than the date I was actually due. I was born with a hole in my heart, and a disease called Bronculitis. It wasn't that serious, but it did affect my childhood for a bit. I also had a bit of a slow development. By five years old I was potty trained. I learned to walk at about two, so that's pretty normal. I had asthma until I was about five or six years old too.
I actually remember my schooling, when I was in Year Three. In my Year Three life, my favourite Dad, Jamie, had left, and I haven't seen him since. In Year Three, I competed in, and got second place, in the school talent show. Won a chocolate bar. I knew I could sing since I was about six, when I sang at my Sister's wedding. I sang Anistasia's Left Outside Alone. I was also cured of the hole in my heart, in Year Three.
Year Four was an okay year for me. I had few friends back then, and got my first memory of snow too. We actually went outside and played in it, which was so fun. Also, my cousin Brandon was born during my second year of junior school, and that was special. I loved my cousin to bits, and still do in fact. I love all my cousins, they are all so special to me.
Year Five. I got my first boyfriend, and my first broken heart. Let's see.. I was about ten or eleven years old. I really liked the guy, and I may have kinda spilled the beans on our relationship, and the word got out. The next day, he broke up with me. I cried, all the girls in my class who were my friends, were all sat around me. I think we both cried about it. Anyway, I began to get a little bullying in Year Five, but it wasn't that much.
Year Six, now in that year I had a lot of bullying. I got pushed over, shoved against walls, actual brick walls, and called so many names. Not only to me, but to my Mum as well, and that upset me. To make it worse, was the abusive words to my Mum were from the guy I went out with in Year Five. Also, my family got a dog when I was Year Six, but after a couple of weeks she got taken away. One good thing about Year Six though, was I got the lead girl part in our end of year production of Bugsy Malone. I played Blousey, and I got to sing too!
Year Seven, beginning of secondary school. Here, I got so much hate. Let's see.. it was Art, and we were doing Card Relief, with blades. I was decorating my Card, and I looked at everyone's work, which was better than mine, then at my own. You know, that voice in your head, that taunts you and stuff? Yeah. I got the voice in my head, and I grabbed the blunt scissors beside me, and began to self harm. I made a deep red rash on the back of my hand, but that was enough. Everyone saw. And, that's how I got called an Emo. That lasted for weeks, and it made me self harm more and more, made me sink lower and lower.
Summer of 2012. Both the best, and worst summer of my life. Best, because I found My Chem. I heard their song Teenagers, on a video game, and saw their music videos on YouTube. Worst, because I self harmed again, with my cousins around me. I tried to drown myself first, but I couldn't bring myself to it. So, I cut again. With sharp scissors I found in the bathroom. I got stopped though, by my sister. I was monitored by both her and my Mum.
Year Eight began, and I was in love with My Chem. In the begining of the year, I went to a GP, to talk about my depression and the problems I had. Weeks passed, and I was referred into occupational therapy. I began singing more, taking up singing in school, taking part in the school shows and stuff, and I grew to love being creative.
New Years Eve. I tried to kill myself again, by drowning. But, I knew that one band would save me. So, I put on Famous Last Words, and sang out, as my tears spilled on my bed sheets. My tears soon began to dry, as the chorus echoed through my ears. As the clock tolled for midnight, and the new year, I vowed to never self harm ever again, and kept that promise. Not for long though.
Februrary half term. Mia ended up in hospital, because I fucked up. I got jealous, and over reacted over the best oneshot ever written. I self harmed again. But, during the half term, I discovered two new bands, new for me anyway. Sleeping With Sirens and Pierce The Veil. I grew to love them, singing the words to the songs, and smiling as the music poured into my ears. I thought I'd be okay then, and stop the self harm for good. That was also short lived.
March 23rd 2013. That day, when My Chemical Romance, broke up. Threw it away, and abandoned me. I discovered the news at 8am that morning, as soon as I woke up. That, is when I cracked and my whole world was torn apart. I snapped. I cut again. But, then, after, I listened to those two bands, and it cheered me up. I think the songs I listened to most that day were Chemical Kids and Mechanical Brides, Caraphernielia and Bulletproof Love by Pierce The Veil, and Roger Rabbit, If You're James Dean and With Ears To See And Eyes To Hear, the acoustic version, by Sleeping With Sirens. Those two bands, kept me smiling for the rest of that day, and for the weeks after.
It is the 9th of April today, and my hero's birthday. 22 days clean from self harm, I know I said it was 17 but I got it wrong. I am going to make myself another promise to stop self harming and the suicidal thoughts, because if I keep listening to music, the whole world will be a much brighter place. In the years of my life, up until now, I've been waiting to find my true self, that girl I'm happy to be. Well, I found her now. I found my true self, and I'm happy the way I am. Sure, I may wear black half the time, and I may not dress like the other girls. And, I may have very few friends, and listen to music with screamers instead of singers, and I may not listen to pop like everyone else, but I'm who I wanna be, and who I am supposed to be. I am Sadie Jeanne Hobbs, and I have changed.