Categories > Anime/Manga > Inuyasha
The Visitor
3 reviewsKagome's mother is hesitant to notify the police when her daughter suddenly turns up missing. But she gets a midnight visitor letting her know that everything is going to be all right.
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The Visitor
(#) Ithilwen 2006-08-05
This has a bit too much exposition. The readers already know that Inuyasha's father was a full demon, that he was shot through with an arrow, etc. etc. If you need to talk about these things, then focus more on Kazumi's reactions and thoughts than on the facts themselves.
Typos et al. (Non-nitpickers, ye be warned!):
"wished to thinking" (wished to think)
"When are we going to call the police," (?)
"You see," she said, handing him the cup. "I had a visitor last night." (only needs the last period)
(Numbers that take two words or fewer to say, like five hundred, should be written as words.)Author's response
Thanks for the review! This one was actually my very first Inuyasha fic from a few years back. :) One quick note: I write my stories using Associated Press style, since my primary profession is a journalist. In AP style, the numbers zero through nine are written as words and then in most other cases, 10 on above is written in numeric form. It's a style that I choose to keep in my stories.The Visitor
(#) DQBunny 2006-08-05
Thanks for the review! This one was actually my very first Inuyasha fic from a few years back. :) One quick note: I write my stories using Associated Press style, since my primary profession is a journalist. In AP style, the numbers zero through nine are written as words and then in most other cases, 10 on above is written in numeric form. It's a style that I choose to keep in my stories.The Visitor
(#) InuKag 2006-08-08
Focus on more than just... the facts that EVERY inuyasha fan already knows...it could be viewed as a tad boring ... Maybe it just wasn't to my liking. Sorry it was just too OOC and redundanly repeating to me. I like the name that you used for the mother though, kazumi makes me think of kazuma... which makes me think of S Cry ed which makes me happy ^_^Author's response
This story was originally written in 2003 - back during a time when the anime was still new in the U.S. and the manga release was nowhere near as far as it is now. It's not meant to break any new ground, but to explain a time lapse in the series and a possible motivation for Kagome's mother to understand what is going on in the past with her daughter. For that particular time period, it was a story that hadn't been done before. But thank you for the review!
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