Categories > Original > Poetry

I Hope I Made You Proud

by MCR-99 1 Reviews

*This poem can be for anyone that knows me okay* Based loosely off of Second and Sebring by Of Mice & Men

Category: Poetry - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Angst - Characters:  - Published: 2013/06/28 - Updated: 2013/06/28 - 248 words

Reviews

  • I Hope I Made You Proud

    (#) AmericanHorrorStory 2013-06-29 08:47:03 AM

    No offense, babe, but I think it's a bit full of yourself, saying 'writes masterpieces and draws amazingly'.

    Like, I'll be absolutely brutal, your work isn't the best I've seen. Your writing, there's a lot of room for improvement, spelling errors and such, and maybe that's just me. Maybe I'm a complete Nazi about this stuff. I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, not quite yet. I mean, for a masterpiece, look at 'Trying To Escape The Inevitable', 'The Heart Rate Of A Mouse', 'The Dove Keeper'. The flow of your writing is a bit wonky, and honey, your grammar could be a lot better. I'm not trying to break you down, or belittle you, I'm telling the truth.

    I haven't seen your drawings, so I can't exactly judge them.

    I do like the last bit - 'I hope I made you smile', because I feel very much the same, yadda yadda yadda.

    I'd be careful with the adjectives that you use to describe yourself. I'm not saying hate yourself, don't do that, not at all. But don't plain out be 'I'm so wonderful, look at me' because that can come off as selfish, narcissistic, that kinda crap.

    I'm just telling the truth, I'm not going to lie anymore.

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