One-Shot changes everything (Sad Frerard)
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We were both standing there motionless, staring at eachother, waiting for the other to speak or move or do something to show some life. But thats a bit hard when the person you secretly love is holding a gun to you and you don't know the reason why.
I knew Gerards parents had a gun, i never had the chance to ask why, they just did, it wasn't my business to know because thats private. But i never for once thought that he would be here standing a couple of metres in front of me pointing a gun to my head. I thought he was better than that, we were best friends, we have been for as long as i can remember. We still are. But I never thought him to be the one with the gun, i mean.. It wouldn't be me with the gun either i'm just saying that i could never picture him with a gun, it just didn't look right.
He was the happiest person i've ever met. He's funny, cute, different and is always the one who would cheer you up, but now the look in his eyes tells me that he's the one needing to be cheered up at the moment.
It pains me to see him like this broken, hurt, on the brink of tears. It hurts even more to know that he doesn't trust me enough to tell me straight about whats happening and why he has me staring down the barrel of a gun. It's a mystery...
Gerard's a mysterious character, if you are close friends with him he'll tell you everything from really stupid questions to moderatly important things. But when it passes over that threshold and goes into the really important things in his life, thats when you need to worry. Because he will keep it bottled up within him untill its ready to burst. And i think we are at that point.
"Gerard what's wrong" i ask him crying weary of his answer
"Nothing,.. I'm fine" he replies breathlessly trying his hardest to keep the tears contained within him.
"Gerard,... You wouldn't be holding me at gun point if you were okay" i am sobbing now and i am trying to stop the shaking and the tears but it's not working at all. I am too scared to function now all i want is for Gerard to drop the gun, run up to me and envelope me in a much needed hug. But that doesn't happen.
"No, I'm not oh-fucking-kay you're right" he looks at the floor silent tears dripping down his face as he lowers the gun to his side carefully.
"Well tell me whats wrong an-.." i start to walk towards him and he tenses up and swiftly hauls the gun up again pointing it yet again to my forehead. I gasp and stop dead in my tracks eyes wide with fear as i finish my sentence shaking "..-and we'll do something about it we'll make this work"
He keeps his hazel green eyes fixed on mine "No, no Frankie y-you can't make this work. Y-you can't know why i'm doing this, i can't tell you whats wrong"
"Why not, i t-thought you trusted me, i'm your b-best friend" my voice wavered on the last two words but i composed myself i am still crying though and shaking more than before. But the sobbing has subsided.
"I can trust you Frankie... Just not with this topic of thought" his eyes flashed with millions of emotions sadness, sincerity, hurt and something else which i couldn't put my finger on but it was really important and i needed to know it. He was hiding something important i knew it and i had a feeling i was going to find out in the worst way possible.
"Well Gerard if you are going to shoot me will you please just let me do something first. One of my wishes, one of my fantasies" i asked him truthfully hoping the answer would be a yes.
"No sorry Frank i can't let you come any closer but i want you to know one thing before i leave. It's the reason i am holding and pointing this gun to you, i'm not going to kill you, i could never kill you... I'm just keeping you at bay." he said more tears forming in his eyes. But with a ghost of a smirk playing on his lips.
"Gee please tell me the reason just please tell me. It hurts me to see you like this." i hoped the use of my childhood nickname for him would soften him a bit and fortunatly for me it did.
He was still holding the gun tightly as if it was his only lifeline "Frank i'm leaving, and i won't be coming back. Im leaving to save you from me. Because i've fallen in love with you, badly. So bad it hurts me to see you smile,.. Hear you giggle,... Watch you move. It kills me inside when you do because it reminds me that i can't have you. That you deserve more than me. So thats why i am leaving and never coming back, its easier that way and just promise me one thing Frankie please."
He was sobbing just as bad as me because, he was my fantasy, i just wanted to run up to him and kiss him but i was rooted to the spot because i was scared about what he would do to with the gun. I would give him the world if he asked for it so i would promise him one thing aswell "yeah Gee"
"Just promise me one thing, that you will not be afraid to keep on living and walk this world alone. Please Frankie just please promise me it because the black parade is coming for me now so i need to hear you say it" he was still holding the gun to me tightly
"Yeah i promise" but there was something not right about what he just said...... Black parade, Black parade i have heard of that before..... Oh god where have i heard it. I was racking my brains for the answer then it hit me. It was the name of a song Gerard showed me and he said the song was about dea-..... Oh shit "GERARD!" i screemed at the top of my lungs and looked up to see that Gerard had turned the tables and now had the gun pointing to his head with his eyes closed.
I lunged forward aimimg for the gun so i could bat it away from his head before he pulled the trigger....
But i was too late.
Gerard was lying on the floor in a puddle of blood, the crimson liquid circled around his head, i dropped to the floor and lifted his head so it rested on my lap. He weakly looked up at me and smiled that cute smile of his "No gerard stay with me please stay with me. I just want you to know that... I love you too i always have and always will" i said sobbing before i crashed my lips into his forcefully, working my lips against his like i needed him to live. Which i did i don't know how i would live without him he's too precious.
It should have been me he shot not him he had loads to live for why waste it for a useless human like me, i reluctantly pulled away and looked at him smiling up at me weakly blinking every now and again.
"I've gotta go now Frankie, the black parades coming for me... Remember that i love you and the promise we made, So Long And Goodnight" i hugged him tighter and attached my lips to his for the last time before he shuddered and went limp in my arms.
I pulled away and screemed his name at the top of my lungs again it hurt my throat but i couldn't give a shit, Gerards dead, gone, left me. I couldn't go on like this it hurts too much knowing that the person you love is gone and they left right before your eyes.
I stayed in this position for hours just holding onto Gerards lifeless body that was resting on my now bloodstained skinny jeans sobbing my heart out, i couldn't live without Gerard he was my life support.
But i would live for Gerard because i have all of his memories and after all i did promise him.