Oneshot. Cid stumbles on Vincent pointing a gun at his own head.... though not for your typical angst!Vincent reasons...
A/N: This is just a short, somewhat cracked, Cid/Vincent... there aren't enough fics of this pairing... anyway, contains minor shounen-ai, and Vincent's dreaded LANGUAGE OF THE DOTS!!! Read at your own risk. Mwahaha...
03.50 military time. It was a chilly up on the deck of the Highwind, and Vincent was up on the main deck , simultaneously trying to read Bram Stoker's Dracula /and /trying to ignore the voices in his head. Needless to say, it wasn't working, due to Hell Masker's compulsion to comment on everything in the book, Galian Beast and Death Gigas 'sparring' (read: poking each other) and Chaos's insatiable need to try and memorize Macbeth.
"ROAR," Galian Beast 'said', poking Death Gigas.
"ROAAAR," Death Gigas replied, poking back.
"So is that Lucy lady a prostitute, or what? Hey, what does the word 'ravage' mean...?"
"Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, creeps on in this petty...pace... from...day to...night? ...A little help here?"
Vincent couldn't take much more of this. He'd repeatedly tried to turn his attention onto the book, trying to find anything that will disprove Cid's absurd theory that he was a vampire.
Can't you guys keep quiet?
"Yeah, we're trying to read here," Hell Masker said. "What?" he added when Vincent inwardly glared at him.
"Why have I got such a small memory capacity?" Chaos whined in a British accent. Apparently he was really trying to get into the play. "I mean, the only thing I managed to memorize so far is, "You should be women/ And yet your beards forbid me to interpret/ That you are so..."
"ROAR... Um, Chaos? You are not a computer, therefore you do not have memory 'capacity'," Death Gigas said, absently poking Galian Beast as he did.
"Though Chaos knows what Hojo did to us... or to Vinnie-poo..." Galian Beast sniggered, poking back.
"I meant it figuratively, wing face-"
"SHUT UP!" Vincent was standing up, shouting. The book was tossed onto the other side of the deck, forgotten.
"What did /we /do?"
"Yeah, we were just-"
"If this goes on, I swear I will shoot!" Vincent shouted, pointing a gun at his head. "I cannot take this idiocy any longer!"
Little did he know that Cid was right behind him- he had seen the whole thing.
Cid swore to himself. Good $%!! thing that I decided to check on the controls... I'd hate it to have that $%!! vampire topping himself on my !$%! ship...
"%@!!, Valentine... if you have any %$@! problems, you should talk to someone... don't take the coward's %$!! way out!"
Vincent noticed the precarious position he was in. His inner demons were sniggering away, wanting to see what would become of the situation. "It's not what it looks like!" he started.
"Oh, yeah, no $!!@ way, that's not what it looked like."
"No, really, I was just threatening the voices in my head because they're annoying me!"
"That came out great, Vinny.." Hell Masker was in hysterics, leaning on Chaos for support.
"@$!!, Sunshine, voices?"
"Hojo put them there..."
"So I suppose that just makes it all better, then?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come and sit, I need to tell you some things from experience, in my old age.."
"You're only thirty-two... and I'm older than you by-"
"Sit your ass down on the chair and eat your goddamn cookie," Cid said, giving Vincent a cookie.
"It'll make you feel better."
"!@%!, you just tried to take your own life, you call that 'fine'?"
"I didn't, I-"
"Look, normally I don't give a %!@! what you do, but if it's that extreme, I've got to help ya out, Sunshine! You can't go on like this!"
"First, the black and red clothes. You gotta stop dressing like some version of Freddy !@%! Krueger... cheer up, wear some bright colours! Blue would look lovely on your complexion."
"Second. Stop depressing yourself further with this %!!@ goth shit," he indicated the book Vincent was trying to read earlier, "Broaden your horizons! Stretch your sights!"
"THIRD. Stop moping over this Lucrecia chick, get yourself some %@!! action, man!"
"Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I got a few more things on my list. Four, stop talking to the 'voices', it's-"
Cid shut up as Vincent leaned forward and kissed him. On the mouth. Shocked, he somehow regained control of his muscles and kissed him back, then pulled away.
"@%!!, Valentine, when I said you should get some action..."
"Five, learn the language of the dots, Highwind."
"Very good. To be continued, yes?"
Smirking, Vincent picked up his book and walked back to his room.
"See, see? You shouldn't be so hard on us, look where we got you!" Chaos said.
"Yeah, Vinny got some amore... Amooooooore!"
Shut up, beasts!
"Aw, knock it off, you love us really! And we wuv you!" Galian Beast said.
"Yeah, we do, don't we?"
/'..............' /was all Vincent had to say.
A/N: Cookie goes to whoever noticed the line: "Sit your ass down on that chair and eat your goddamn cookie"... which came from a parody on YouTube (it's deliberately misquoted)...One-shots are so good for killing impending writer's block...
Loved it, hated it? Please review!
ome action...e, when I said you shoul get ed away.
the mouthn your complexion."asker was in hysterics, leaning on Chaos for supportecause they'e of the situation.