Still trapped between his two worlds, unsure of where he belongs, Gerard gets closer to the perfect Frank from his dreams and wishes he could promise him forever.
This isn’t just a nightmare he has to endure for a while before he can wake up with Frank. This is his life, and his reality, and the reality is that he will never move again. Gerard lays staring at the ceiling, desperately trying to fight back the tears that threaten to spill. In the end he just lets himself and the tears flood his face, unable to be wiped away.
Eventually there are no more tears to shed, and as his breathing becomes calmer so does his heart rate monitor. He looks across at the nightstand and notices a hurried note propped up against a coffee mug.
Me and Mom came to visit while you were sleeping. We’ll be back later, love you. Mikey x
Gerard sighs, and feels a stab of guilt. Guilt that he would rather that Frank’s world was his reality and he would give up his family in a heartbeat. Guilt at what he did. Gerard knows he loves his family but there’s nothing left for him here.
The problem with being stuck in his hospital bed alone is that Gerard has a lot of time to think, and he can’t seem to fall back asleep. Partly he thinks about the dull pain at the back of his skull and wonders why the beep that represents his heart beat regularly slows right down, but mostly he thinks about Frank.
Gerard considers that on one hand Frank is not real. He exists only through his dreams, along with the strange world he lives in, and the vividness is down to recent trauma. Gerard argues with himself that the only reason he is questioning reality at all is that his sudden compulsive need to sleep all the time means he is spending more time asleep than awake.
On the other hand Gerard knows that he has never had dreams so vivid or consistent or complicated. He wants to believe that Frank is out there somewhere and only Gerard can reach him. He wants to believe Frank when he said that he’s dead, believe that Frank was a whole person with a life and family and friends, and is now sharing his heaven with Gerard.
He thinks about both options for a long time and as ridiculous as the second seems he knows somewhere in the back of his mind, right about where the dull pain is becoming more sharp, that he could never invent someone as beautiful as Frank.
His heart rate drops and slows dangerously down before picking up again. Gerard doesn’t know why it’s doing that, nor does he care. He looks back across at the note Mikey left and sighs, wondering how long ago it was written.
There’s a sudden squeaking sound and Gerard weakly lifts his head to see a doctor has walked in, pulling the curtain shut behind him on its screechy rail. He’s wearing the typical white coat with Gerard’s file tucked under his arm, and Gerard tries hard not to roll his eyes.
“Good morning, Mr. Way,” the doctor says, taking a seat without looking up.
“Gerard.” He corrects stubbornly, staring up at the ceiling again.
“Right, yes. I’m Dr. Wells, I’m here to ask you a few questions about how you’re feeling”
Gerard feels like a little kid. He keeps his eyes on a small mark on the ceiling, not wanting to look at the doctor’s horrible coat or sympathetic look.
“I don’t want to answer any questions thank you, I’d like to wake up and be with Frank.” His voice is polite and careful but he knows he’s being rude. He also knows he’s given up on everything here; it’s not worth his time. There’s a rustle of paper before the doctor speaks again.
“Ah yes…Frank, let’s talk about that shall we? Your family say you’ve mentioned this…this Frank, and are concerned.”
Gerard says nothing.
He grits his teeth at the ceiling. Frank is not for other people to discuss. He closes his
eyes and concentrates hard on not being here.
He breathes deeply in, holding the breath in his lungs before exhaling slowly. Just fall asleep Gerard, he thinks.
“Mr. W- Gerard I know you can hear me.”
What is it with this guy, he thinks irritably. After a few more minutes of Gerard’s quiet and concentrated breathing he is still unable to fall asleep but the doctor solves his problem by simply getting up and leaving, after muttering a quick “I’ll be back later”. Gerard lies still for a long time before he sleeps again.
When he opens his eyes it’s evening. The air around him is warm and filled with the scent of summer, and he smiles at the relief from the harsh white hospital with its disinfectant smell. The long grass comes up to his knees and it takes him a while to spot Frank lying on his back. When he does he makes his way over, the grass and wild flowers swishing against his
jeans, and drops down beside him.
“Gerard! I missed you.”
Gerard lies down next to him and Frank rolls closer, slipping his arm around Gerard’s waist.
“I missed you too Frankie,” Gerard murmurs. He leans down and carefully catches Frank’s bottom lip between his, sucking gently before pressing a firm kiss on his lips. He goes to pull away but Frank hangs on, working his lips against Gerard’s to deepen the kiss. Gerard goes willingly, pulling him closer to his body and slipping a hand into his dark hair. He gives it a sharp tug and Frank gasps into his mouth, trying to press himself closer.
Eventually they stop to breathe and Frank grins at him in the dark. It’s infectious, and Gerard can’t help smiling back. They lay in the grass looking up at the sky, their hands lying entwined between them. It’s the most beautiful sky Gerard has ever seen- the longer he looks the more he sees. It’s a wash of black heavily studded with millions of twinkling stars, all swirling into endless galaxies. Each one seems thought out and placed carefully, as if each individual is important in making up the patterns in the sky.Gerard wishes he could belong somewhere as surely as that.
There’s a warm breeze in his hair and the grass lightly brushes against him. It’s perfect,
but there’s something on his mind.
“Frank, how did you die?” The silence between them feels heavy, and for a moment Gerard doesn’t think Frank will answer.
“Okay,” Frank says thoughtfully “You tell me why you did it, and I'll tell you how I died.”
Gerard wasn’t expecting that. But he turns and looks at Frank lying beside him in the grass, and knows he can trust him. He guesses it must be time to tell him anyway.
“Okay…” he says hesitantly, sitting up next to Frank. “Okay, um…”
“Take as long as you need,” Frank smiles, laying a hand on Gerard’s leg. He nods, trying to organise his thoughts.
“Um…well you see I was very unhappy for a long time. I had all these ideas about what I wanted to do with my life…I wanted to be an artist more than anything, but I also wanted to see the world and really make a difference, you know? I wanted to affect people, to help them, and be remembered for it. My worst fear was that I was just going to be stuck being invisible.”
He takes a deep breath and Frank rubs his thigh encouragingly, before continuing.
“So yeah…I tried to make something of myself in the art world first, but I ended up with a job at Cartoon Network. And god Frank, I was so naive. I thought I’d be doing what I loved but I was stuck in a cubicle at this shitty job working for a corporation, getting my ideas rejected. I hated going there every day, I hated it, but I didn’t know what else to do. So that’s when I started to get depressed.”
He stops again, frowning to himself. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about it before, and suddenly the world from his old life felt much too real.
“What happened then?” Frank whispered. His usually grinning face was serious and his eyes full of worry.
“I managed for a while, it was music that kept me hanging on. I knew however awful my day at work was, however small and insignificant I felt I could come home and turn my music up so loud that I couldn’t think and everything else just slipped away. In those moments I thought I would be okay…It wasn’t just listening to music that I loved though, I wanted to create it. I had this voice that I didn’t know what to do with, like I shouldn’t be keeping it to myself. I wanted to travel the world with a bunch of guys I loved in a shitty van and give everything I had in a performance every night, to people who really cared. But…when I realised that was the way I wanted to make a difference in the world I just felt broken.”
“But why?” Frank asked, edging closer.
“I didn’t think I’d ever make it. I was nobody.” Gerard whispered. His hand had found Frank’s as he had been talking, and he gave it a tight squeeze.
“Gerard…you’re not nobody. You’re amazing” Frank said, reaching up to press another kiss to his lips. A small smile played on Gerard’s lips, before he became serious again.
“I turned to drink. Drugs. I watched 9/11, powerless to help. So one day…I walked up to the roof for what I told my boss was a smoke break halfway through my day at work. There’s no safety railing up there, and I never looked back. Didn’t think I’d survive it” He shook his head sadly, and they sit in silence for a few minutes before Frank pulled him down to lay next to him again. They kiss softly for a while until Gerard speaks again.
“Your turn” he whispers, but Frank wasn’t in the mood for anymore misery. He put both hands on Gerard’s face and looked him straight in the eye, speaking quickly.
“My name is Frank Iero. On March 21st 2001 I walked out of a bar after seeing a crappy punk band and a van pulled up on the curb. I never came back.”
And before Gerard could respond Frank kissed him. Gripping the front of Frank’s shirt to pull him closer, twisting his fingers in the thin fabric, Gerard knows something is different. Frank clings to him, desperately grinding down, and Gerard moans into his open mouth. It’s defiantly different- desperate and urgent, and Gerard never wants to stop.
Frank breaks the kiss to pull his shirt over his head and Gerard reaches out instantly, tracing each tattoo. He runs his fingers across franks collar bones and then down his torso to his belt, and Frank shivers from his light touch. The air is warm around him, and the long grass gently tickles his pale, bare arms.
Gerard flips them over, suddenly pinning Frank down, and kisses him hard as the air is knocked out of him. He feels Frank kissing back eagerly and his jeans begin to tighten as he pulls the beautiful person in his arms even closer.
“You’re so perfect Gee...” Frank pants into his open mouth.
Gerard strokes his fingers through Frank’s hair and begins to work on his belt, brushing his warm tattooed skin as he undoes the buckle. He can feel Frank’s heart beating fast as he slips his hand under the denim and over the material of his boxers, their tongues still dancing and their hands still wandering.
“Well you Frank, are my everything,” he whispers back, and plunges back into the kiss. Frank arches up towards him as he rubs his artists fingers over the bulge straining against his boxers, rubbing the wet material across the head.
Frank remembers what it was like on Earth. Blowjobs in bathrooms and alleys, messy and uncaring. A stolen half hour in someone else’s bed. A girl he thought he loved, but didn’t understand love at all. He remembers the very last time forced down on the floor of that man’s van, before his whole world ended. With Gerard holding him close and running soft fingers across his cheek, Frank has never felt more loved.
When Frank finally can’t bear the feel of Gerard’s teasing anymore he whimpers in frustration, and Gerard smirks against his swollen lips. In one movement he pulls Frank’s jeans and boxers down and he gasps as his erection is finally freed and the night air presses against it. Gerard carefully arranges the jeans under Frank so he’s not lying on the long grass, and for a moment he just stares at naked Frank sprawled out before him and thinks how lucky he is. Frank gives him his cutest smile and Gerard blushes, having being caught staring, and then bends to kiss Franks knee.
Franks head falls back as Gerard leaves a slow trail of kisses down the inside of his thigh, a hesitant hand running lightly down the other, and Frank squeaks as every inch of his painfully hard cock is suddenly taken in by the perfect tightness of Gerard’s mouth. After that there is no messing around. Frank thrashes blissfully beneath him as Gerard bobs his head, his tongue rubbing hard under the head and then swirling round the base. He keeps one hand entwined in Franks, pinning it to the ground, and the other reaches up to scrape his nails down Frank’s bare chest. He’s so hard in his jeans that he thinks he might explode, but he pours everything into pleasuring the perfect human being below him.
Franks gasps slowly turn to loud unashamed moans, gripping Gerard’s hair tightly and
thrusting to fuck his wet, tight mouth, until he groans-
“Gerard…Baby stop, I’m...”
Gerard pushes his warning hands away and places both of his tightly on Franks hips, holding him down. As Frank cries out and comes in hot spurts down Gerard’s willing throat he doesn’t, for one second, regret the terrible thing he did.
Gerard pulls off and wipes at his mouth, smiling down at his Frankie who looks back adoringly. He’s sweaty with hair that sticks up and he’s glowing with post-orgasm happiness. Gerard gets caught up in his smile for a moment before he remembers the agony in his jeans. He kneels to rip them open and pulls everything down, hand going straight to his cock and moaning at the friction he needed. He begins to move his hand fast before Frank pushes them away and replaces them with the tender touch of his own. He comes faster than he’d thought, having watched Frank writhe and moan beneath him, and they both collapse sweatily onto the ground.
“Jesus Christ Frankie…” Gerard whispers, pulling him close.
Frank snuggles in closer, entwining their fingers again.
“I wish you could be mine forever,” Frank whispers back. Gerard doesn’t answer – he doesn’t know if that will ever happen, but he presses a kiss to Franks damp forehead and hopes with everything he has.
The stars keep moving above them. The wind tickles softly through the grass and a few fireflies, bright against the velvet sky, dance in the air above the two entwined bodies. Somewhere in his mind Gerard feels himself being tugged back to another life and he reaches over to kiss Frank on the nose. Understanding that he’s slipping away again, Frank softly kisses back.
And high up in the sky, beyond the stars and beyond either of their understanding, a decision is made.
oh man i really don't know if i'm happy with this, so please PLEAASE let me know what you think, and thank you for reading :) There will be a third part to finish the main story (which i don't think i'll be able to get done as quickly as this one, so bear with) but there may be more eventually in this verse
please please review it?