Does she or doesn't she?
“Miss Banks! We have a message for you!” He looked at me as I turned round slowly, holding up a folded piece of paper. “And are you staying another night as we have a policy which requires you to leave before midday. So you have three minutes?” He smiled politely walking over to me.
“Save my messages and yes I am staying for another night but I really need to go, I have a very important meeting that I simply cannot be late for so if you’ll excuse me?” I turned back on my heels instantly cutting off whatever protest he was about to make.
Every step I took closer to the café I got more and more nervous. I could feel my heart beating quicker and quicker, I could feel the familiar increase in breathing not to mention the clamminess of my hands. I mean what if he wanted to talk about his new girlfriend, tell me how fabulous his relationship was and break my heart even more? What if he just wanted to catch up? I’d not completely thought this through until I’d gotten to the café doors. I know I could just turn back but surely it’s better to know what he wanted rather than not? I mean I can always make an excuse to leave if the worse did happen couldn’t I? Pushing open the cream wooden door, the fear rose high up into my throat. Hearing the familiar song of Begin Again by Taylor Swift made me feel like I was in the video. I quickly scanned my surroundings trying to find his handsome face but with no such luck. “Excuse me what time is it?” I asked one of the waitresses biting my lip really hard, please don’t let it be past 12, please.
“It’s 12:01” She smiled at me, unaware of the heart break she’d just informed me of. It might seem strange but he knew of my love for Gossip Girl and in one of the episodes my beloved pairing of Chuck and Blair had played out a similar situation. This was the same, I knew it was. I’d missed my chance at finding out what he was going to say. I’d been so busy panicking that the decision had been taken out of my hands, and as the realisation set in I couldn’t stop the tears that were welling up my eyes, the sting making me close them. It must have looked a right site, a girl stood in the middle of a romantic café, in a fancy floor length gown crying, over a minute, no less.
Deciding I didn’t want to return to my lonely hotel room or my even lonelier home, I decided to sit down and order a strong coffee whilst I pulled myself together. Part of me not really believing I’d missed my one chance opportunity and part of me clinging on to hope that he was late or delivering a baby just like Blair did in Gossip Girl and that he’d come rushing through the door and gush about how he thought he’d lost me. Deep down I knew this was wishful thinking but what’s a girl to do? He’s my past, my present and I’d hoped my future. I let myself thinking back to when he finished his first world tour, I’d not seen him for a good eight month and he’d come home early surprising me when I’d come home from a long day at work. I still remember smelling the macaroni cheese cooking in the oven mixed with the smell of cherry scented candles burning away. Following the smell into the kitchen there he was stood in a black tie that contrasted perfectly with his white shirt. The redness of his hair the only other colour on him. I’d never hugged anyone so tight as I did when he was there, it had been a rough couple of months without him and suddenly all that was forgotten like he’d just thrown away all the grief and drama with a simple touch. I remember him holding me up, my legs wrapped tightly around his waist, my arms even tighter around his neck whilst I sobbed like a baby. That night we spent cuddled up on the sofa watching Gossip Girl and eating Ben and Jerry’s like he’d never been away. That was one of my happy memories of him. I’d never stopped loving him since our time apart, I just couldn’t stand to see him kill himself but maybe if I’d have stayed then I wouldn’t be sat here in a café, waiting for a strong coffee, remembering the good memories I’d had with him, we’d still be making them. A fresh wave of tears came over me as I sat staring out into the busy street. It’s true what they say, when you’re suffering heartbreak all you see is happy couples. “Pull yourself together Banks. He’s not dead.” I snapped at myself just as I felt someone stand at the side of me and a coffee be placed in front of me.
“But on a Wednesday, in a café, I watched it begin again.” Sang out from the radio as I followed the arm from my coffee to the owner.
“Your eyes were always icier when you’ve been crying.” He smiled as he stroked away my tears.