Categories > Games > Star Ocean: The Second Story > Senseless Melodrama

Two

by Adara 0 reviews

Don't ever take Celine and Ashton treasure hunting. Very, very silly.

Category: Star Ocean: The Second Story - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Ashton Anchors, Bowman Jean, Celine Jules - Warnings: [!!] - Published: 2005-06-12 - Updated: 2005-06-12 - 1605 words

3Funny
"Bowman!"

Bowman looked up from his accounts, thinking for a moment that he'd heard someone calling his name. No one was there, and he went back to his lists of the pharmacy's inventory.

"Oh, Bowman!"

There it was again. Maybe Precis had blown something up- he didn't know why, but people in Linga felt the need to call him when things like that happened. Maybe it was because both of them traveled with the group that investigated the Sorcery Globe, and they thought he would know how to handle her. Or maybe they just wanted someone with his medical expertise around when Precis finally injured people with that robot of hers. It was bound to happen someday.

"Bowman, darling, I know you're in here!" This time the singsong voice was accompanied by a body. The bell over the entrance chimed as the door shut behind Celine Jules, who looked inordinately amused. "I'm afraid I need your help with something, and it's just the teensiest bit embarrassing...."

No good could come of this. None. In fact, he was going to direct her back outside- but was interrupted by the door surging open and slamming back down violently, its abuser not stopping until he'd reached the counter and the questionable safety of hiding behind Celine. While Celine could certainly stop most pursuers dead- whether by Heraldry or by certain other assets- Bowman doubted that even she would do much in the case of someone a good six inches taller and in possession of two dragons.

"Make him go away!" Ashton sounded torn between terror and rage and horrific embarrassment, and about six seconds from tears. "You got me into this!"

"Well, no, darling," Celine said thoughtfully, tapping a finger against her lips. "You got yourself into this. After all, that tome is to exorcise you, and it's not as if the captain of the ship fell madly in love with me- though I must say, I'm jealous."

"You found it!" Only Ashton could come so close to crying and still sound like he was going to do something drastic. "And you're the one that insisted on getting it translated here, instead of going to Mars like any sane person would for something so simple, and you're the one that made me pretend to be interested in him! And I'm pretty sure you're the one that made that defective fairy glass!"

The door handle clicked, and Ashton all but leapt behind the counter. A fairly normal-looking man stepped through, noticed Celine, and brightened.


"Is your friend here?" He asked, looking around curiously. He was good-looking, with dark hair and a neat appearance. He didn't even look like the sort of man to captain a ship, let alone a ship captain that would send Ashton into complete hysterics. "I seem to have lost him."

"No, I'm afraid not." Celine sighed dramatically. "I'm sure he's looking for you, too- he's from this area, so he should be able to find you again eventually. Why don't you go out somewhere where he'll see you? If I find him, I'll make sure to tell him, darling."

Grudgingly, the man left the store. Once he was safely out of the way, Celine climbed onto the counter and pulled Ashton to his feet.

"...what the hell are you two doing in my store? And get off my counter." Bowman crossed his arms, watching as Celine clambered down as elegantly as she could manage in spike heels and a short skirt. "And why is that guy after Ashton?"

"That's part of my silly little problem," Celine admitted. She sounded just a little flustered now. "I'm sorry, Ashton, I didn't realize that the fairy glass was defective or that he would run after you for this long! He was just supposed to like you a little more so that we'd get a discount. That seemed almost like aphro... disi... " She trailed off, suddenly looking horrified, and began to search through her valise.

"You didn't." All trace of Ashton's previous upset was gone, replaced by fury barely held back behind clenched teeth. "I swear to Tria, if you did, Celine-"

"What did you do to the kid, Celine?" Bowman asked, interested in spite of himself now. "I've never seen him this angry before."

Ashton Anchors didn't get angry. That was a fact of life, just like Precis was hyperactive and Celine didn't wear quite enough clothing to be considered decent. Ashton got flustered, yes, and deathly embarrassed, and maybe even irritated, but he didn't get angry. At least, not that Bowman had ever seen. Not when Rena tried to buy those ribbons for the dragons, or when Precis demanded to learn his sword dance technique even though she had no coordination or even a sword to learn it with, or when Chisato and Rena embarrassed him so badly by talking about how his jewelry must have belonged to a woman. Ashton put up with more grief from the girls they knew than anyone else, and he never got angry with them for it.

"Er... there was that time when Ashton got just a little tiny bit angry over the whole dragon thing. You see, it was sort of Claude's fault, the poor darling-"

When Bowman, your fairly typical male who wasn't into emotions and all that, could see something was bad, it was bad. And that had definitely been the wrong thing for Celine to say, because Ashton looked all the more furious and the dragons weren't even objecting to being called someone's fault.

"Claude is the poor darling? And it's my fault that we're here because I'm the one that needs to be exorcised? It's always like that! Everything that happens to me is my own fault even when it's actually yours, or Claude's, or everyone's!" Ashton sat down on the counter, and Bowman didn't dare tell him to get off. The boy had swords and dragons and Bowman valued his life fairly highly.

"And what happened to bring this on?" Bowman asked. Patience. He needed to have patience with the hysterical possessed swordsman and the pyrotechnic drama queen sitting in his store. Even if the situation did sound totally stupid when he thought of it in those terms. Maybe they had a good reason to be here, somewhere underneath the accusations and compounding mistakes and stalking.

"Ashton and I were treasure hunting in Cross, and we found what might be a way to exorcise the dragons. So we came here to Linga to have it translated, except that we didn't have enough money at the time to get here. I used a fairy glass on Ashton," and here Celine emphasized the words in a deadly serious voice, "because the captain of the only ship headed for Lacour was gay. And it's not my fault in the slightest that the man reacted oddly and is now stalking Ashton."

"...can I see this fairy glass?" Bowman asked, and Celine took it from her valise and handed it to him. He uncorked it and sniffed, and immediately put the cork back in with a disgusted look. "Celine, that is definitely the aphrodisiac you made on Energy Nede, and not anything at all like a fairy glass. It is completely your fault that man is stalking Ashton. Now I remember why I dumped you. Absolutely no sense of personal responsibility."

"Why you dumped me?" Celine asked, voice climbing spectacularly into the highest ranges of a soprano- no mean feat for a woman that wasn't a soprano in the first place. "I left you, Bowman Jean! And don't try to deny it!"

"Would you two shut up?" Ashton demanded, slamming one of his hands against the counter. His metal gauntlet made quite a banging sound, and both of them quieted out of shock. "I'm the one with actual problems here! I'm possessed, I can't read that stupid book to tell how to get unpossessed, and I have a creepy stalker! I think we need to focus on my situation for once in the history of Expel!"

First Celine had given him a straightforward explanation of the situation, and now Ashton was asserting himself. The world was going to end. Again. That turn of phrase lost whole volumes of meaning when the end of the world had already happened once, really. And his premonition that no good could come of this returned.

"Okay, so... let's see this book you found?" Bowman asked. If he couldn't read it, he could always get Keith in here to do it. "Ashton, go upstairs and take a shower before that man comes back looking for you. It won't completely get rid of him, but it might make him a little less... focused. Celine, go amuse yourself somewhere while I take a look at it- if you couldn't read it, you're not going to be any help."

"I already tried washing it off, it didn't work!"

"Are you sure, Bowman darling? I mean, you might need the expertise of a treasure hunter such as myself!"

Tria, he needed a cigarette. Or Nineh to be here right now. Or both.


author's notes: again with the mistake of switching fairy glass for Cinderella glass; kept the same for both comedic effect and consistency. References to random obscure things: Bowman smoking- manga; Bowman and Celine having been engaged- Private Action in Mars if Celine isn't in your party; Rena-Chisato-jewelry thing: Private Action in North City. I'm taking the manga view that Bowman, Precis, Dias, and Leon can have been in the same party (not that it really matters in the case of Leon), though I'm disregarding Opera and Ernest.
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