Categories > Celebrities > 30 Seconds to Mars > Do Or Die
Two days passed and the kids still hadn’t come home. Abigail felt like he needed a break from the chaos and the constant nagging and just the kids in general. Truth was he would have preferred the distraction, would have preferred looking into those wide eyes and getting a smile to ease the nerves and the jump of fear resting inside of him. Being around Abigail was calming, it was perfect but having to see the worry, the look of resistance there on her face whenever she passed by the phone haunted him. She wanted another opinion about him because fatigue was starting to wear off as an excuse.
He listened to her cooking in the kitchen. The sizzle of eggs, the searing of meat. He smelled it drifting on the air and he breathed it in. Nothing had happened in these two days. Nothing had occurred after the initial shock when the police had arrived. Perhaps, after all, it was simply stress and nothing more. It wouldn’t happen again, Jared just had to stay focused, get himself back together and scrape his insides off the ground where his fear had pulled them out. That would be easy, he was sure, all that he had to do was keep his eyes open. No more fear and nothing else to be seen.
Slowly he walked into the kitchen, eyes lowered to watch the shadow that the ends of his robe transmitted onto the tile. He slowly lifted his eyes, allowing his gaze to fall on Abigail. She stood there, morning worn and wide awake. Right now she looked serene, eyes distant although carefully observant of the food she was making. She was content standing there, chemise clinging to the gentle curves of her body, hair smoothed down over her shoulders from her shower. She was beautiful and she was his. That was the best part he assumed.
Clearing his throat softly to get her attention he smiled a little at her. The smile was genuine although slightly broken and worn. He needed to know that she trusted his mind again, needed to know that she wouldn’t fear about his whereabouts whenever she went somewhere, whenever the kids were here. He just wanted to look into her eyes again and see that she knew that things could go back to how they were. Memories had just broken through and those were memories that were far behind her, ones that she didn’t need to know a thing about.
"Feeling alright?" She softly asked, gently returning the smile that he gave her. It was obvious that she was trying her hardest not to seem unnerved or terribly worried about him. She couldn’t help it though, couldn’t help the look of concern, the need to just hold him in her arms and attempt to make it all go away. Because that was what needed to be done, she’d been raised thinking that simply loving someone would make the inner demons flee, that was the way of life now, treading on darker roads was okay as long as love was present.
A slow nod came from him and truthfully he would have allowed his hesitance to show if it were at any other moment but scaring her wasn’t going to do anyone any good. So with the nod came a bit of a smile, albeit tired. “Yeah…think I might take a shower just to wake myself up.” He offered, hand reaching up to push back through his hair. Everything felt so slow and unsure like there needed to be a change in order to break the routine of trying to prove his own sanity.
Was that what she thought? That he was insane?
She nodded although it wasn’t a nod of dismissal. Turning off the burner of the stove she set down the utensil in her hand and made her way towards him, slippers making a small sound across the tile. Her body moved like silk beneath the lace of the chemise and as she came closer she began to smell like chamomile and lavender. Gentle scents that existed only in a small layer upon her skin, nothing too heavy or overwhelming. Merely an ever present scent that stayed with him.
Her hand lifted and touch softly to the side of his face. Coarseness against the smooth skin of her palm. Did his skin leave a blister there for her to care for? Was she able to look into his eyes now and see the man she had married and not the man who had called the police raving about a wound in the door? But there was no clarity in her eyes, nothing to let him know that she fully trusted him. All that she gave him was a kiss, a whisper of her lips to his, her eyes closing, body pressed to his. But a kiss could be given to anyone, a touch could be offered by those who wish you dead.
Did she want that? For him to die?
He moved away from her before she could lengthen the kiss, offering something of a smile to her to hide the thoughts racing in his head. He just couldn’t understand what was happening and why it had to happen. Things had been so easy before and yet here they were cracked and affected. Had it been the phone call? Had that been the catalyst to set this twisted and dark path into motion?
"Don’t be too long." She called out after him as he slowly walked away. Bare feet now dragging over the wood floor of the living room. He stared ahead of himself trying to grapple with the emotions shooting inside of him. He was lingering over the edge and he hated the lack of control he had on himself. Did the caller realize that a simple call like that could have done the trick? That now his mind was working on the overdrive from the past the only thing that mattered was the presence of fear and demons lingering inside of him to crack him?
They had known it and that was why they had done it.
He got into the shower. Trying to wash away the thick sheen of fear from off his skin. It could be seen and that was why he had been targeted. There was no point to try and wash the paint stains from his fingers because they would only come back once he locked himself inside of his studio? Maybe that was where he should be, locked up in his studio, away from the world and the only haven that existed for him.
Finally he stepped out, drying off and wrapping the towel about his waist. He looked in the mirror at his own hollow features and then he had to look away. He couldn’t bear the look of them there splattered on his face, the hanging of his hair, the bleakness in his eyes. He was himself from the past reincarnated. Staring at his reflection and wondering if it was true what everyone was saying about his mental state. ‘Doctors aren’t always right, Jared.’ His mom had tried to assure him but what if she was wrong?
He dressed quickly, toweled off his hair and opened the door to return to the kitchen. Perhaps integrating himself into his routine of life would be the one thing to get his mind back and running. That was all it took to break a spell of pushing darkness. He needed to keep going, forget this fear and take the step into the right direction. Then everything else would soon follow suit. That was what he was going to do and now that that decision displayed itself in his mind he was left feeling rejuvenated and without burden. Things were going to get a whole lot better.
But before he could reach the kitchen he stopped, hearing a thread of conversation from inside. A small laugh accompanied by the playful sound of quick kisses. Someone was with Abigail in there and a thread of jealousy tore at him inside. She was with someone and her laugh had been genuine. Anger fueled inside of him, tore at his insides all over again. The previous statement about getting back his life faded and all that remained was the sharp realization that all this was a game. Maybe that’s what life always was? A stupid meaningless game.
Jared hurriedly tore his way into the kitchen just as the front door slammed shut. His eyes stared intently, angrily at Abigail and she stared back at him with a deep rooted shock. Her eyes darted from the wetness of his hair, the pearls of water on his skin, the anger in his eyes. It was like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
"Who was in here?" He demanded, his tone startling her.
She didn’t know what to say, her eyes were full of the need to understand as she looked from Jared towards the door again. “What are you doing in here, Jared?” She asked softly, hand to her chest like she had encountered a terrible shock.
"What do you mean?"
Once more her eyes looked to the door then back to him. “You just said you were going to get the mail but-” Her eyes went over his freshly showered appearance. “-What’s going on?”
He listened to her cooking in the kitchen. The sizzle of eggs, the searing of meat. He smelled it drifting on the air and he breathed it in. Nothing had happened in these two days. Nothing had occurred after the initial shock when the police had arrived. Perhaps, after all, it was simply stress and nothing more. It wouldn’t happen again, Jared just had to stay focused, get himself back together and scrape his insides off the ground where his fear had pulled them out. That would be easy, he was sure, all that he had to do was keep his eyes open. No more fear and nothing else to be seen.
Slowly he walked into the kitchen, eyes lowered to watch the shadow that the ends of his robe transmitted onto the tile. He slowly lifted his eyes, allowing his gaze to fall on Abigail. She stood there, morning worn and wide awake. Right now she looked serene, eyes distant although carefully observant of the food she was making. She was content standing there, chemise clinging to the gentle curves of her body, hair smoothed down over her shoulders from her shower. She was beautiful and she was his. That was the best part he assumed.
Clearing his throat softly to get her attention he smiled a little at her. The smile was genuine although slightly broken and worn. He needed to know that she trusted his mind again, needed to know that she wouldn’t fear about his whereabouts whenever she went somewhere, whenever the kids were here. He just wanted to look into her eyes again and see that she knew that things could go back to how they were. Memories had just broken through and those were memories that were far behind her, ones that she didn’t need to know a thing about.
"Feeling alright?" She softly asked, gently returning the smile that he gave her. It was obvious that she was trying her hardest not to seem unnerved or terribly worried about him. She couldn’t help it though, couldn’t help the look of concern, the need to just hold him in her arms and attempt to make it all go away. Because that was what needed to be done, she’d been raised thinking that simply loving someone would make the inner demons flee, that was the way of life now, treading on darker roads was okay as long as love was present.
A slow nod came from him and truthfully he would have allowed his hesitance to show if it were at any other moment but scaring her wasn’t going to do anyone any good. So with the nod came a bit of a smile, albeit tired. “Yeah…think I might take a shower just to wake myself up.” He offered, hand reaching up to push back through his hair. Everything felt so slow and unsure like there needed to be a change in order to break the routine of trying to prove his own sanity.
Was that what she thought? That he was insane?
She nodded although it wasn’t a nod of dismissal. Turning off the burner of the stove she set down the utensil in her hand and made her way towards him, slippers making a small sound across the tile. Her body moved like silk beneath the lace of the chemise and as she came closer she began to smell like chamomile and lavender. Gentle scents that existed only in a small layer upon her skin, nothing too heavy or overwhelming. Merely an ever present scent that stayed with him.
Her hand lifted and touch softly to the side of his face. Coarseness against the smooth skin of her palm. Did his skin leave a blister there for her to care for? Was she able to look into his eyes now and see the man she had married and not the man who had called the police raving about a wound in the door? But there was no clarity in her eyes, nothing to let him know that she fully trusted him. All that she gave him was a kiss, a whisper of her lips to his, her eyes closing, body pressed to his. But a kiss could be given to anyone, a touch could be offered by those who wish you dead.
Did she want that? For him to die?
He moved away from her before she could lengthen the kiss, offering something of a smile to her to hide the thoughts racing in his head. He just couldn’t understand what was happening and why it had to happen. Things had been so easy before and yet here they were cracked and affected. Had it been the phone call? Had that been the catalyst to set this twisted and dark path into motion?
"Don’t be too long." She called out after him as he slowly walked away. Bare feet now dragging over the wood floor of the living room. He stared ahead of himself trying to grapple with the emotions shooting inside of him. He was lingering over the edge and he hated the lack of control he had on himself. Did the caller realize that a simple call like that could have done the trick? That now his mind was working on the overdrive from the past the only thing that mattered was the presence of fear and demons lingering inside of him to crack him?
They had known it and that was why they had done it.
He got into the shower. Trying to wash away the thick sheen of fear from off his skin. It could be seen and that was why he had been targeted. There was no point to try and wash the paint stains from his fingers because they would only come back once he locked himself inside of his studio? Maybe that was where he should be, locked up in his studio, away from the world and the only haven that existed for him.
Finally he stepped out, drying off and wrapping the towel about his waist. He looked in the mirror at his own hollow features and then he had to look away. He couldn’t bear the look of them there splattered on his face, the hanging of his hair, the bleakness in his eyes. He was himself from the past reincarnated. Staring at his reflection and wondering if it was true what everyone was saying about his mental state. ‘Doctors aren’t always right, Jared.’ His mom had tried to assure him but what if she was wrong?
He dressed quickly, toweled off his hair and opened the door to return to the kitchen. Perhaps integrating himself into his routine of life would be the one thing to get his mind back and running. That was all it took to break a spell of pushing darkness. He needed to keep going, forget this fear and take the step into the right direction. Then everything else would soon follow suit. That was what he was going to do and now that that decision displayed itself in his mind he was left feeling rejuvenated and without burden. Things were going to get a whole lot better.
But before he could reach the kitchen he stopped, hearing a thread of conversation from inside. A small laugh accompanied by the playful sound of quick kisses. Someone was with Abigail in there and a thread of jealousy tore at him inside. She was with someone and her laugh had been genuine. Anger fueled inside of him, tore at his insides all over again. The previous statement about getting back his life faded and all that remained was the sharp realization that all this was a game. Maybe that’s what life always was? A stupid meaningless game.
Jared hurriedly tore his way into the kitchen just as the front door slammed shut. His eyes stared intently, angrily at Abigail and she stared back at him with a deep rooted shock. Her eyes darted from the wetness of his hair, the pearls of water on his skin, the anger in his eyes. It was like she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
"Who was in here?" He demanded, his tone startling her.
She didn’t know what to say, her eyes were full of the need to understand as she looked from Jared towards the door again. “What are you doing in here, Jared?” She asked softly, hand to her chest like she had encountered a terrible shock.
"What do you mean?"
Once more her eyes looked to the door then back to him. “You just said you were going to get the mail but-” Her eyes went over his freshly showered appearance. “-What’s going on?”
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