Rekka no Ken: Everybody loves Raven - I mean, Wil goes hunting for a ... bird.
(slinks rapidly off, ears guilty and flat against her skull)
Fire Emblem: Rekka no Ken is copyright Intelligent Designs and Nintendo.
For fairly obvious reasons, this fic is fanwork only, but I'll still kill you dead if you take it.
(Yes, I did consider calling it Everybody Loves Raven. SHUT UP. >E)
THE FIRST STEP IS TO SELECT YOUR PREY.
"Hey, who's that?"
"The redhead with the sword."
"The redhead with the sword who is NOT Lord Eliwood, I mean."
"Oh! I think his name's Raven."
"...his hair isn't black."
"I think it's something to do with the bird. You could ask Lucius."
"Wait, why are you asking about -- DAMMIT, I saw him first! He fixed my bow for me!"
NOTE, HOWEVER, THAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY BE AFTER THE SAME TARGET.
"Ah -- Lady Priscilla? May I help you?"
"Um, I couldn't help but notice you looking at Sir Raven?"
"And, um, I don't want to to be rude? But Sir Raven is very important to me."
"....Sir Mark just found a Guiding Ring for you, didn't he."
"Ah, Wil, I wonder if you have a moment...?"
"I've traveled with Lord Raven for a long time, you know."
"A VERY long time."
"Oh my GOD! What happened to you?!"
"Lucius and Lady Priscilla."
"Raven is VERY IMPORTANT to them, it seems."
"I don't suppose I could borrow some arrows? All of mine kind of got melted."
"Why should I?"
"I always go halves with you!"
"Fine! If I catch any ... birds first I'll share. Please, Becca?"
"Don't you Becca ME."
SOMETIMES BYSTANDERS WILL QUESTION YOUR CHOICE OF PREY. IGNORE THEM.
"Yes, Lady Lyn - dis?"
"I couldn't help but notice... you've been watching that mercendary a lot."
"Raven, you mean?"
"Er... is something wrong?"
"Well, not really -- but why him? I saw Priscilla and Lucius and Rebecca watching him, too."
"Uh...besides the fact that he's really hot?"
"What would your MOTHER say? Aren't you her ONLY CHILD?!"
"It's ok! I promised to share with Rebecca anyway!"
"YOU CAN'T MARRY REBECCA AND KEEP RAVEN AS A PET!"
GET WITHIN STRIKING DISTANCE. THIS MAY REQUIRE TIME AND CARE.
"Isn't it a nice day? Hey, Rebecca and I both got rabbits this morning! Do you like rabbit? Want to eat with us tonight? Rebecca makes really good rabbit dumplings! Oooh, look, there's Lady Lyn! HIIII, LADY LYN - DIS! HI, RATH! Rath's gonna teach me how to ride! Do you know how to ride? It's so neat, he took down a deer at a full gallop! Wow, you don't wear much armor, do you? Well, neither do I but I'm an archer. I could never do the melee thing. Hey, do you know Lord Hector? Matthew and I talk sometimes."
"When are you going to SHUT UP?"
"Am I talking too much? People always tell me I talk too much but it gets awfully boring waiting for people to get within shooting range. Sir Kent says I'm worse than Sir Sain half the time, but there's not a lot to do but talk and watch the battle -- hey, did you meet Sir Harken yet? He's kind of like you, isn't he? In the way he fights, I mean. I feel kind of sorry for him, but he's got Lord Eliwood now -- not like THAT, I mean, but Sir Isadora -- what do you call female knights anyway?--"
"Really? Well, Dame Isadora says that Sir Harken's a lot happier since Sir Mark finally gave up and just told him to stay with Lord Eliwood all the time. Except he's kind of jealous of Lord Hector because Lord Hector helped Lord Eliwood so much, and Sir Sain says Sir Harken got a complex when Lord Elbert died because he was under Nergal's spell and couldn't protect him. So Sir Harken thinks he failed as a knight, which is perfectly understandable but Sir Marcus says Sir Harken went too far and it's a good job HE was the not the one to find him because he'd've buried an axe in his skull and seen if THAT would shut Sir Harken up about dying to avenge his lord when he knew perfectly well his lord's son would need him --"
"Do you ever stop to breathe?"
"I breathe while I talk! Hey, there's Rebecca! BEEEECCCCAAAA! SIR RAVEN'S GOING TO EAT WITH US TONIGHT!!!"
"I never said that!"
"But it's /rabbit dumplings/! Becca says you helped her restring her bow! That was nice of you -- Becca's always had trouble restringing her bows. She tries to get them too tight and then they snap back at her. I told her to ask me next time."
"Will - you - please - SHUT - THE - HELL - UP?"
"Sure! If I'm talking too much, just tell me because I just start off and then --"
FINALLY, WHEN GOING FOR THE KILL, IT IS ADVISABLE TO BRING DOWN ONE'S PREY IN A SINGLE SHOT.
"Would you stop calling me that?"
"Why? I think it's kind of cute!"
"Yep! Hey, are you on guard duty? I'll keep you company!"
"Yeah, cute. I heard Lucius call you Raymond. Is that your real name? I thought about changing mine when I left home but I could never think of one that was close enough to Wil that wasn't Bil or something, and it would be stupid to call yourself something else and then never realize when people were talking to you."
"Va-kun, are you all right? Your knuckles are all white. Are you cold? Here, I'll sit closer to you! That'll warm you up!"
"What the HELL do you think you're doing?"
"Warming you up! Wow, you are chilled! I'll put my arm around you, that'll get you warm in no time!"
"Here, give me your hands. They're freezing! You should breathe on them like this ---- sometimes, that warms them right up."
"Your face is all red. You should be careful -- you don't want to catch a cold and a flush is always the first sign. Are you feverish? Let me check."
"What. THE HELL. Are. You. Doing."
"Checking your temperature!"
"Don't make me hurt you."
"OK, fine, I'm trying to seduce you. You aren't much of a help, I might add."
"Definitely feverish. You should loosen some of your clothes."
"Touch my weapons and I will kill you."
"Wow, you keep a weapon in your --"
"You're pushing it."
"I wouldn't say 'pushing', exactly."
"Oh my G--"
"Of course, if you want to stop I'll just stay here and talk for the rest of --"
"Shut UP, Wil."
"Sure! Whatever you sa-mmph."