FicWad

10/31/2000 - 11:57pm

Dear Gerard,
It's my 19th birthday, well for three more minutes.
That makes two birthdays I've been without you. I really can't imagine spending another without you. Ray and Bob tried to get me to go to a gig, but gigs were our thing Gee. I haven't been out since you and me.
It's been difficult, this past year. It's kind of strange to think it's been a year since I lost you.
No I didn't lose you Gerard, you – you killed yourself. You died. And now I don't know what to do.
I guess I've just been on auto-pilot since it happened.
David says I'm alright now, and he stopped seeing me about three weeks ago.
But I don't think I’m really okay.
It was supposed to get easier with time, but it's been over a year and it's not easier.
God damnit Gee, I want you to come back but you never will and I fucking hate you for that.
I'm sorry.
I don't hate you, I could never hate you. You were so fucking perfect, and you always knew how to make me happy.
That's the problems, without you here, I'm no longer happy.
It's always so dark without you now. You're somewhere out there, but your life will never shine on this world again.
And that breaks my heart, I need you.
And I guess that’s why I’m here, next to your grave.
I just want to be with you forever, I want to be able to hold you in my arms again.
So I'm coming, I’m coming for you.
I have my pills, and I have your folder.
I'm leaving for you.

See you soon,
Frankie xoxo


And Mom, if you read this, which I’m sure you will.
I'm sorry, but Gee was my everything I can't live without him. It's not your fault.