Categories > Movies > Lilo and Stitch > the killer expermint
the killer expermint
2 reviewslilo is useully picked on by her peers.but,when a mysterous girl pops on the scean,would this a good sign or not?(i don't own anything expect the plot and ocs,espalliy doomsbury and experiment 629)
-1Illiterate
Reviews
the killer expermint
(#) Rous 2006-09-23
This makes no sense whatsoever. You have written a few lines and now try to pass them off as a story? That is such bad karma. You have said nothing to justify the title. This would not even make a good drabble; it is too short. You would need six more words. At least. Have you ever read anyone else's work? Have you considered what goes into a story before someone posts it?
You seem to want to write, and you want others' approval, but you must earn it. You do not get it by virtue that you desire it. People are fickle. You either need to fufill their needs, or make them fulfill yours. You have done neither.the killer expermint
(#) Ithilwen 2006-09-24
Rous is right. This needs a lot of work. Here are some places to start:
Who is the girl and why is she in the place at night?
Something wierd happens to the ball when the girl puts water on it, but why does it occur to her to do so? Does she have a wierd, quasi-telepathic idea or is the ball just dirty?
The book "floated" as the wind's "current" "got" stronger. Also, is it the numer (no s) "629" or the numberS "6," "2" and "9"?
The whole point of an opening scene is to hook the reader into reading the rest of the story. Even if you don't answer the questions above, you should show the reader that they are there.Author's response
i'm not going to give most of the plot away by answearing all of your questions, but i'll tell you that the #'s 629. and I'll take your advice, so I'll add the first chapter on the protolouge chapter. and, to answear one of mine questions with mine own: have you watch any of the show in the movie's series? 'k, bye.
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