Categories > Games > Undertale > Alphys VS Undyne
CHAPTER 7
"Alright, so now that we've gotten that overbearingly fetishistic giantess nonsense out of the way, let's see which one of us is better at...TEM KART RACING!" Alphys laughed as her and Undyne entered the Tem Track in Waterfall and got right to racing.
"AlL ROiT, LAdIES aND tEMS, sTART YoUR enGinEs!" Lakitem, the announcer of the race, instructed all twelve of the racers (ten of which were Tems, obviously) as Alphys and Undyne revved up the Tem-shaped engines of their equally Tem-shaped vehicles and took off!
"WHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOA!" Alphys screamed in exhilaration, hanging on for dear life to her steering wheel as her kart suddenly blasted off at breakneck speeds, making adorable squeaky noises while doing so.
"OHLOLOLOLOYAAY!" Undyne yelled like Funky Kong as she slid around the first U-turn so hard that her wheels briefly but awesomely caught on fire, with Alphys following closely behind as she hit the first row of I-Tem Boxes at the following straightaway and got a moldy banana peel.
"EW, GROSS!" Undyne flinched, throwing the banana peel unceremoniously behind her just as Alphys was launching a homing Tempedo (missile with battery-powered talking Temmie face) at her.
"i'M cOMING FoR yOU, NiGGA!" the Tempedo laughed as the Tem driving right behind Undyne accidentally slipped on Alphys' banana peel and spun out, then got hit right in the tailpipe with the Tempedo, sending him flying halfway across the area!
"Poor thing!" Alphys cried, sliding all over the place and struggling to retain her focus on the now-snaking-and-crazily-curving track as all of the Tems behind her started throwing items at her and Undyne.
"HAH! Missed me!" Alphys laughed, sniping one of the Tems behind her right in the head as they threw grenades at her, fired numerous machine guns, and even attempted to stab her with knives.
"Hah, did you really think you could- WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" Undyne screamed as one of the Tems behind her, who had somehow briefly transformed into an enormous Bullet Tem, came careening up behind her and plowed right through her right as she was about to make the first jump of the track; luckily, however, she still landed on the boost pad for the ramp!
"WHEEEEEE!" Alphys and Undyne screamed with joy as they both did backflips off the top of the massive ramp, with fake I-Tem Boxes and Straight Tempedos flying all over the place all around them!
"I've got a bad feeling about this, Undyne!" Alphys explained to Undyne, ducking under heavy machine gun fire as her and Undyne went around the infamous hairpin turn.
"WHY? Everything seems perfectly fine to me!" Undyne laughed as her and Alphys hit a conspicuously small boost pad and went all the way around the loop-dee-loop while a rather disturbing number of racers (seven, to be exact) missed it and ended up falling off the track and crash-landing into the river yet again as Alphys and Undyne reached the undulation section of the track.
"Are you SURE?" Alphys asked her, cocking an eyebrow at her as one of the Temmies poured steroids into its engine and took off at ludicrous speeds, hitting one of the track's massive undulations and flying right off the track into oblivion.
"rIDING ThE WAVeS, MaN!" the Tem right behind them bragged valiantly as he drove up and down the literal "wave" undulations on the track like a boss (which he obviously was).
"Oh, don't worry, everything's going to be perfectly FINE...HEY, LOOK, AN ITEM BOX!" Undyne squealed with childlike joy yet again as the one and only Tem racer remaining threw a fake I-Tem Box loaded with Blue Tempedos onto the ground right in front of her.
"Undyne, NOOOOOOOOO!" Alphys screamed in slow-motion as Undyne ignorantly drove straight into the obviously fake item box, causing the entire track to go up in nuclear-explosion flames.
LATER, AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL...
"Uhh...we c-can explain..." Alphys and Undyne giggled and blushed, lying in beds with their entire bodies mummified to prevent further injury.
"ACK!" Alphys choked, having a literal heart attack and passing out upon seeing the sheer cost of the medical bill.
"tEMMIE MiGHT NoT HAVe a mED-SChOOL dEGREE, bUT wHEN yOU GeT HURtIE, yOU'LL bE hAPPY hE'S HErE!" Dr. Temmie laughed, putting on his gloves and sharpening his needle.
Needless to say, not a single person won that one.
ONE WEEK LATER...
"And now for the final challenge...VERBAL WRESTLING!" Alphys growled, coughing up blood as she painfully struggled to straighten her aching back out once and for all.
"Oh, come on, are we even in SHAPE for that yet?" Undyne asked her very seriously, still struggling somewhat to walk without doubling over in agony.
"SURE, we are! Come on, follow me!" Alphys laughed, grabbing Undyne by the finger and dragging her out of the lab.
AT METTATON'S MTT WRESTLING ARENA...
"Ladies and gentlemonsters, may I present to you...the one and only IRON FISHINATOR!" Mettaton announced dramatically as Undyne walked out onto the wrestling ring, flipping the entire audience the middle finger while doing so.
"And of course, how could I possibly forget...THE WEEABOO DORKASAUR?!" Mettaton laughed as Alphys reluctantly, nervously walked out onto the ring, fidgeting and blushing.
"READY, SET, FIGHT!" the referee announced as Alphys and Undyne began what would hopefully be their last serious fight with each other.
"YOU INTENTIONALLY HUMILIATED ME IN PUBLIC!" Alphys growled at Undyne, her words magically summoning a computer which she then used to smash Undyne upside the head.
"YOU FUCKED A BUNCH OF BARELY-EVEN-SENTIENT ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS! IT'S TIME TO STOP, OKAY?!" Undyne yelled angrily at Alphys, smashing a giant wall clock into her face.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT WHO THINKS MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE 2 IS BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE!" Alphys sneered at Undyne, slapping her in the shins with a magic wand and then headbutting her fiercely.
"HMPH! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOUR FUCKING NAME REALLY STANDS FOR?" Undyne yelled at Alphys, whacking her across the ring with a baseball bat.
"WHAT, MAY I ASK?" Alphys growled, struggling to pull herself back up onto her feet.
"ARROGANT! LAZY! PIECE OF! HAIRY! YELLOW-BELLIED! SHIT!" Undyne screamed at her, beating her over the head with a chair as she yelled each word and phrase.
"YEAH! GO, UNDYNE!" Papyrus cheered in the sidelines, raising his fist valiantly.
"UNCOUTH! NASTY! DICKHEADED! YANDERE! NARWHAL! EGOTIST!" Alphys screamed at Undyne, beating her over the head with a sledgehammer as she yelled each word.
"Yeah...go, Alphys..." Sans muttered, twirling his right finger up in the air and resting his head on his left hand in boredom.
"YOU ARE NOT ONLY A FUCKING COWARD BUT ALSO A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS!" Undyne yelled furiously at Alphys, smashing several wine bottles over her head.
"WELL, AT LEAST I'M A BETTER WRITTEN AND DEVELOPED FUCKING CHARACTER THAN YOU, YOU FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF OVERRATED SHIT!" Alphys screamed lividly at Undyne, smacking her across the face several times over with a road sign until she (Undyne) fell down.
"Gee WHIZ, those two sound like US when WE were married!" Asgore suddenly realized in the sidelines, looking over at his ex-wife Toriel.
"Wow, I guess that's why you two got divorced, isn't it?" Asriel snickered smugly, causing his parents to promptly shoot him the evil eye of disapproval. "What, was it something I said?"
However, right when the referee was literally just about to officially declare Undyne out for the count, something absolutely amazing happened; Undyne not only got back up, but also hyper-evolved into the almighty Undyne The Undying SMITH!
"Alphys...NEEEOOO! FULLL POWERRR!" Alphys screamed at the top of her lungs, hyper-evolving herself into the equally almighty Alphys NEO ANDERSON!
"Tell me, Alphys; why do you care about humanity?" Undyne asked Alphys menacingly, grabbing her by the neck, lifting her up and choking her. "Humanity is nothing but a meaningless disease, a virus that spreads across the earth and mercilessly slaughters everything in its path until all of the monsters are consumed."
"Okay, true, but there are still a few exceptions...HOWEVER!" Alphys suddenly yelled at Undyne for no apparent reason. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS RACIST JERK!"
"Fine, have it your way." Undyne sighed, twirling her spear. "Just know that if humanity isn't stopped, THEN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE IS GOING TO DIE!"
"SANS!" Alphys addressed Sans, glancing over to where him and Papyrus were seated in the sidelines.
"Who, me?" Sans asked, pointing at himself in confusion.
"YES, YOU!" Alphys groaned impatiently. "Listen up; the position of Royal Scientist is a title given only to those who have truly earned it."
"SANS! As of today, you are the new Royal Scientist." Alphys informed Sans, who was so utterly dumbfounded from hearing such news that he literally didn't even know how to respond to it.
"As for YOU, Undyne, it would seem that going to hell is a fate shared by both you and me, so let's have a proud, honorable warrior's fight to the death with each other! ONE ON ONE! ALL OUT ON BOTH SIDES! IT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN REGAIN MY LOST PRIDE!" Alphys bellowed valiantly.
"YOU'RE ON, MOTHERFUCKER!" Undyne sneered at Alphys, discarding her spear and cracking her knuckles as the ring platform suddenly began rising rapidly into the air!
"I WILL NEVER DIE AT THE HANDS OF MY OWN BELOVED GIRLFRIEND!" Alphys screamed at the top of her lungs, readying herself to punch Undyne in the face with all of her might.
"AND NEITHER WILL ME AND MY GLORIOUS DREAM OF FREEDOM!" Undyne screamed at the top of HER lungs, readying HERself to punch Alphys in the face with all of her might.
"FRIENDSHIP...PUNNNCH!" Alphys and Undyne both screamed at the tops of their lungs in unison, their fists colliding directly with each other with over 69 sextillion metric fucktons of force.
"ALPHYS, HANG ON!" Sans screamed and cried for one of the first non-Genocide times in his life. "UNDYNE, BE CAREFUL!" Papyrus urged Undyne with glistening fake tears in his eyes.
"URRRAAAHHH!" Alphys and Undyne screamed in agony as their faces literally melted from how ridiculously epic this scene was, prompting the entire planet of Earth to then explode in a rainbow-colored flash of light, sending laser beams across the entire Milky Way galaxy.
Well, that was certainly something.
"Alright, so now that we've gotten that overbearingly fetishistic giantess nonsense out of the way, let's see which one of us is better at...TEM KART RACING!" Alphys laughed as her and Undyne entered the Tem Track in Waterfall and got right to racing.
"AlL ROiT, LAdIES aND tEMS, sTART YoUR enGinEs!" Lakitem, the announcer of the race, instructed all twelve of the racers (ten of which were Tems, obviously) as Alphys and Undyne revved up the Tem-shaped engines of their equally Tem-shaped vehicles and took off!
"WHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOAWHOA!" Alphys screamed in exhilaration, hanging on for dear life to her steering wheel as her kart suddenly blasted off at breakneck speeds, making adorable squeaky noises while doing so.
"OHLOLOLOLOYAAY!" Undyne yelled like Funky Kong as she slid around the first U-turn so hard that her wheels briefly but awesomely caught on fire, with Alphys following closely behind as she hit the first row of I-Tem Boxes at the following straightaway and got a moldy banana peel.
"EW, GROSS!" Undyne flinched, throwing the banana peel unceremoniously behind her just as Alphys was launching a homing Tempedo (missile with battery-powered talking Temmie face) at her.
"i'M cOMING FoR yOU, NiGGA!" the Tempedo laughed as the Tem driving right behind Undyne accidentally slipped on Alphys' banana peel and spun out, then got hit right in the tailpipe with the Tempedo, sending him flying halfway across the area!
"Poor thing!" Alphys cried, sliding all over the place and struggling to retain her focus on the now-snaking-and-crazily-curving track as all of the Tems behind her started throwing items at her and Undyne.
"HAH! Missed me!" Alphys laughed, sniping one of the Tems behind her right in the head as they threw grenades at her, fired numerous machine guns, and even attempted to stab her with knives.
"Hah, did you really think you could- WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" Undyne screamed as one of the Tems behind her, who had somehow briefly transformed into an enormous Bullet Tem, came careening up behind her and plowed right through her right as she was about to make the first jump of the track; luckily, however, she still landed on the boost pad for the ramp!
"WHEEEEEE!" Alphys and Undyne screamed with joy as they both did backflips off the top of the massive ramp, with fake I-Tem Boxes and Straight Tempedos flying all over the place all around them!
"I've got a bad feeling about this, Undyne!" Alphys explained to Undyne, ducking under heavy machine gun fire as her and Undyne went around the infamous hairpin turn.
"WHY? Everything seems perfectly fine to me!" Undyne laughed as her and Alphys hit a conspicuously small boost pad and went all the way around the loop-dee-loop while a rather disturbing number of racers (seven, to be exact) missed it and ended up falling off the track and crash-landing into the river yet again as Alphys and Undyne reached the undulation section of the track.
"Are you SURE?" Alphys asked her, cocking an eyebrow at her as one of the Temmies poured steroids into its engine and took off at ludicrous speeds, hitting one of the track's massive undulations and flying right off the track into oblivion.
"rIDING ThE WAVeS, MaN!" the Tem right behind them bragged valiantly as he drove up and down the literal "wave" undulations on the track like a boss (which he obviously was).
"Oh, don't worry, everything's going to be perfectly FINE...HEY, LOOK, AN ITEM BOX!" Undyne squealed with childlike joy yet again as the one and only Tem racer remaining threw a fake I-Tem Box loaded with Blue Tempedos onto the ground right in front of her.
"Undyne, NOOOOOOOOO!" Alphys screamed in slow-motion as Undyne ignorantly drove straight into the obviously fake item box, causing the entire track to go up in nuclear-explosion flames.
LATER, AT THE LOCAL HOSPITAL...
"Uhh...we c-can explain..." Alphys and Undyne giggled and blushed, lying in beds with their entire bodies mummified to prevent further injury.
"ACK!" Alphys choked, having a literal heart attack and passing out upon seeing the sheer cost of the medical bill.
"tEMMIE MiGHT NoT HAVe a mED-SChOOL dEGREE, bUT wHEN yOU GeT HURtIE, yOU'LL bE hAPPY hE'S HErE!" Dr. Temmie laughed, putting on his gloves and sharpening his needle.
Needless to say, not a single person won that one.
ONE WEEK LATER...
"And now for the final challenge...VERBAL WRESTLING!" Alphys growled, coughing up blood as she painfully struggled to straighten her aching back out once and for all.
"Oh, come on, are we even in SHAPE for that yet?" Undyne asked her very seriously, still struggling somewhat to walk without doubling over in agony.
"SURE, we are! Come on, follow me!" Alphys laughed, grabbing Undyne by the finger and dragging her out of the lab.
AT METTATON'S MTT WRESTLING ARENA...
"Ladies and gentlemonsters, may I present to you...the one and only IRON FISHINATOR!" Mettaton announced dramatically as Undyne walked out onto the wrestling ring, flipping the entire audience the middle finger while doing so.
"And of course, how could I possibly forget...THE WEEABOO DORKASAUR?!" Mettaton laughed as Alphys reluctantly, nervously walked out onto the ring, fidgeting and blushing.
"READY, SET, FIGHT!" the referee announced as Alphys and Undyne began what would hopefully be their last serious fight with each other.
"YOU INTENTIONALLY HUMILIATED ME IN PUBLIC!" Alphys growled at Undyne, her words magically summoning a computer which she then used to smash Undyne upside the head.
"YOU FUCKED A BUNCH OF BARELY-EVEN-SENTIENT ELDRITCH ABOMINATIONS! IT'S TIME TO STOP, OKAY?!" Undyne yelled angrily at Alphys, smashing a giant wall clock into her face.
"YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT WHO THINKS MEW MEW KISSY CUTIE 2 IS BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE!" Alphys sneered at Undyne, slapping her in the shins with a magic wand and then headbutting her fiercely.
"HMPH! YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOUR FUCKING NAME REALLY STANDS FOR?" Undyne yelled at Alphys, whacking her across the ring with a baseball bat.
"WHAT, MAY I ASK?" Alphys growled, struggling to pull herself back up onto her feet.
"ARROGANT! LAZY! PIECE OF! HAIRY! YELLOW-BELLIED! SHIT!" Undyne screamed at her, beating her over the head with a chair as she yelled each word and phrase.
"YEAH! GO, UNDYNE!" Papyrus cheered in the sidelines, raising his fist valiantly.
"UNCOUTH! NASTY! DICKHEADED! YANDERE! NARWHAL! EGOTIST!" Alphys screamed at Undyne, beating her over the head with a sledgehammer as she yelled each word.
"Yeah...go, Alphys..." Sans muttered, twirling his right finger up in the air and resting his head on his left hand in boredom.
"YOU ARE NOT ONLY A FUCKING COWARD BUT ALSO A MISERABLE LITTLE PILE OF SECRETS!" Undyne yelled furiously at Alphys, smashing several wine bottles over her head.
"WELL, AT LEAST I'M A BETTER WRITTEN AND DEVELOPED FUCKING CHARACTER THAN YOU, YOU FUCKING STUPID PIECE OF OVERRATED SHIT!" Alphys screamed lividly at Undyne, smacking her across the face several times over with a road sign until she (Undyne) fell down.
"Gee WHIZ, those two sound like US when WE were married!" Asgore suddenly realized in the sidelines, looking over at his ex-wife Toriel.
"Wow, I guess that's why you two got divorced, isn't it?" Asriel snickered smugly, causing his parents to promptly shoot him the evil eye of disapproval. "What, was it something I said?"
However, right when the referee was literally just about to officially declare Undyne out for the count, something absolutely amazing happened; Undyne not only got back up, but also hyper-evolved into the almighty Undyne The Undying SMITH!
"Alphys...NEEEOOO! FULLL POWERRR!" Alphys screamed at the top of her lungs, hyper-evolving herself into the equally almighty Alphys NEO ANDERSON!
"Tell me, Alphys; why do you care about humanity?" Undyne asked Alphys menacingly, grabbing her by the neck, lifting her up and choking her. "Humanity is nothing but a meaningless disease, a virus that spreads across the earth and mercilessly slaughters everything in its path until all of the monsters are consumed."
"Okay, true, but there are still a few exceptions...HOWEVER!" Alphys suddenly yelled at Undyne for no apparent reason. "SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SELF-RIGHTEOUS RACIST JERK!"
"Fine, have it your way." Undyne sighed, twirling her spear. "Just know that if humanity isn't stopped, THEN THE WHOLE FUCKING UNIVERSE IS GOING TO DIE!"
"SANS!" Alphys addressed Sans, glancing over to where him and Papyrus were seated in the sidelines.
"Who, me?" Sans asked, pointing at himself in confusion.
"YES, YOU!" Alphys groaned impatiently. "Listen up; the position of Royal Scientist is a title given only to those who have truly earned it."
"SANS! As of today, you are the new Royal Scientist." Alphys informed Sans, who was so utterly dumbfounded from hearing such news that he literally didn't even know how to respond to it.
"As for YOU, Undyne, it would seem that going to hell is a fate shared by both you and me, so let's have a proud, honorable warrior's fight to the death with each other! ONE ON ONE! ALL OUT ON BOTH SIDES! IT'S THE ONLY WAY THAT I CAN REGAIN MY LOST PRIDE!" Alphys bellowed valiantly.
"YOU'RE ON, MOTHERFUCKER!" Undyne sneered at Alphys, discarding her spear and cracking her knuckles as the ring platform suddenly began rising rapidly into the air!
"I WILL NEVER DIE AT THE HANDS OF MY OWN BELOVED GIRLFRIEND!" Alphys screamed at the top of her lungs, readying herself to punch Undyne in the face with all of her might.
"AND NEITHER WILL ME AND MY GLORIOUS DREAM OF FREEDOM!" Undyne screamed at the top of HER lungs, readying HERself to punch Alphys in the face with all of her might.
"FRIENDSHIP...PUNNNCH!" Alphys and Undyne both screamed at the tops of their lungs in unison, their fists colliding directly with each other with over 69 sextillion metric fucktons of force.
"ALPHYS, HANG ON!" Sans screamed and cried for one of the first non-Genocide times in his life. "UNDYNE, BE CAREFUL!" Papyrus urged Undyne with glistening fake tears in his eyes.
"URRRAAAHHH!" Alphys and Undyne screamed in agony as their faces literally melted from how ridiculously epic this scene was, prompting the entire planet of Earth to then explode in a rainbow-colored flash of light, sending laser beams across the entire Milky Way galaxy.
Well, that was certainly something.
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