Renji's thoughts about Rukia and their relationship during the first Soul Society Arc with the help of Billy Joel's lyrics.
Author: Topaz Kat
Pairing: Renji and Rukia (yes, I know, it's straight, put away the pitchforks)
Raiting: G most likely, unless you get violently ill due to the sweetness, then it's PG.
[...] song lyrics
[Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you
I'd do anything you want me to
I'd do anything at all
And I'm standing here for all the world to see
There ain't that much left of me
That has very fall to far]
I can't say I've always felt this way, or maybe I have. Looking back on the many times I tried to impress you and knowing how badly those attempts could backfire into my face, I'm sure there were several that already knew how much I was falling for you. But i think that in many ways I didn't start to realize it until after I helped to bring you back for judgment-a worser moment I've never known before.
[You know I'm not a man who has ever been
Insecure about the world I'v been living in
I don't break easy, I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied]
All of my goals, all of the work I'd done-some of which I admit was done to be closer to you-fell away when I realized that those in charge weren't coming to their senses. My honnor and goals, all that I had ever worked for seemed pointless if the very person I desired would no longer be there to be by my side. I would have gladly thrown it all away, gladly, to see you free and safe.
[I'm shameless, baby I don't have a prayer
Everytime I see you standing there
I go down upon my knees
And I'm changing, I'd swore I'd never compromise
But you convince me otherwise
I'd do anything you please]
My goals, my pride left me with the sole desire to see you safe. It wasn't the first time and I know it won't be the last time that i would give up anything and everything for you. Throwing myself in front of your almost certain demise seems nothing to me now. I'd even work with that obnoxious outsider, something that I'd have never considered before. If it weren't for the fact that even I can see he is the one needed to help save you, I'd have nothing to do with him.
[You see in all my life I've never found
What I couldn't resist what I couldn't turn down
I could walk away from anyone I ever knew
But I can't walk away from you]
It's strange, this desire to work with another. I'd never done well with working with others before unless it was absolutely necessary. in working with Kurosaki, I'd managed to gain enough strength to even take on your brother: a man I'd worked so hard to honnor and impress until even he meant little more to mean that another obstacle. I gladly faced him, turning my heart from him because I wouldn't turn from you.
[I have never let anything have this much control over me
'Cause I worked too hard to call my life my own
Yes I made myself a world and it worked so perfectly
It's your world now, I can't refuse
I've never had so much to lose
I'm shameless... shameless]
No one, not our sensei, our sempai, nor even your borther has ever held such an influence in my life as you have! I'd worked hard to be one of the top students, and even harder still to gain Taichou's respect. And yet, without you in my life, none of it seems worthy to remember or to take pride in. What is the point of having such respect, care, and honor when the one I honnor, respect, and love more than anyone or anything is no longer a part of that life. It's not mine anymore, but yours.
[You know it should be easy for a man who's strong
To say he's sorry or admit when he's wrong
I've never lost anything I've ever missed
But I've never been in love like this...
It's out of my hands
I'm shameless, I don't have the power now
But I don't want it anyhow
So I've got to let it go]
I've never apologized to you for delivering you to the council. It should be easy for me, but rather than waste words, I'd be happier to show repentance with actions meant to safe you from the total death. I have gained control and have still lost power that is nothing in compared to the love I could have lost for you. That power is not mine anymore, perhaps it never was.
[I'm shameless, shameless as a man can be
You can make a total fool of me
I just wanted you to know
I am shameless
I'd say I'd do anything for you, but I'm afraid it would annoy you; even if it was the truth. I'm sure I seem foolish to many, and at times I tried to be in order to see your smile. I don't care so much about the respect from the elders in this life; for without you by my side, there is no life for me here.