Categories > Anime/Manga > Full Metal Alchemist > The Ally
Part Two - The Test
1 reviewMaes brings Roy to dinner at Gracia's place, so she can decide whether she wants to be part of his plan to become Fuhrer. The evening doesn't quite go as Hughes hoped it would.
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The Ally
(#) Roaming_Fool 2006-09-02
...I know a story has my attention when the line, "And now, Roy," she said as she poured, "tell me about our plan to overthrow the Fuhrer."...
...makes me jump up out of my chair and yell "WTF?"
Nice. Very nice. Your writing is steadily improving since you wrote "Third Rescue."
I really like the way you've been developing Gracia. She's not such a bad stragetist herself, getting Roy very comfortable and then ambushing him. I'd like to see a scene that's just Gracia and Roy, without Maes to mediate.
One thing I might have changed? The part where she's explaining to him exactly why Maes had told her, I'dve thrown in something along the lines of, "And if he were to get hurt supporting you? If he were to die? Or do you imagine that there won't be very real danger to your supporters? How could he marry me, invlove me, without telling me what I'd be getting into?" It would have foreshadowed Hughes' death; but then again, I really don't have any complaints with how you've written it.
Good job. Is this the last chapter, or are you going to continue the story?Author's response
There's going to be one more chapter winding things up. And hurray, I'm glad to hear that Gracia's question about the Fuhrer caught you by surprise as much as it did Roy. I wanted it to be a real punch in the gut. Heehee! And I may do what you suggest, about trying to foreshadow Hughes' death; I was trying to stick something in there somewhere, about that. This story was so much more dialogue than Third Rescue, so I was getting a bit uncomfortable that all it was was talk. But I may still try to put that foreshadowing in anyway. Thanks for the review!
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