FicWad

Duff

Guess I should have expected a turn for the strange when Nikki Sixx unexpectedly showed up with a case of booze, a bunch of chicks, and half the fucking music industry. Slash and I did as anyone would have done. We got fucking drunk. Pretty sure we fucked at some point. Hard to say, shit started getting blurry right around the time Steven was getting mad at Tommy Lee for being a more awesome drummer. Yeah, after that is basically like this Rollodex of flashing images in my head.

Pretty sure some of the flashing I recall is the fucking cops; have no clue what the fuck they were doing here. Did someone invite LAPD? No. Somebody fucking called them. But who? Why? Were our neighbors going to be dicks about parties? I glance at the bottle of Jack in Slash's hand. Fuck! He's underage. And I'm like...not. Shit! I grab the bottle from his hand and throw it. I don't even care where it went or if it broke.

Slash's drunken eyes stare out at me through his curls. "Duff...why?" He asks me as if I had just murdered some defenseless animal or something.

"Cops," I slur and pull myself up to stagger over to the window and look out.They had Nikki face down on the ground trying to get handcuffs on him. It looked like a fucking football game. I shit you not; Axl was already in handcuffs with a scowl on his face. That look suggests this is Nikki's fault. I'm guessing Izzy's too. Sixx does always seem to get him in shit.

Slash staggers over to the window to look out with me. "Shhhit maaan...where's Izzy? We gotta tell him," he panics a bit.

I just smirk, "Do you honestly think cops are sneaking up on Izzy? Fuck, Izzy is probably already halfway across the fucking valley by now."

It's probably not at all appropriate, and probably not funny, but Slash bursts out in drunken laughter and I quickly join in.But our laughter is soon interrupted by some cops busting down the front fucking door.

"Oh fuck!" I jump and drop my bottle. Alcohol abuse at it's finest all over my fucking boots.

"TURN AROUND AND PUT YOUR FUCKING HANDS ON THE WALL!" A cop shouts and points his gun at Tommy.

Tommy rolls his eyes with a tisk and a sigh. He slowly turns in a circle. Then he reaches over and rubs the wall like its a chicks tits. He licks it and gleams at the cop. "Woof," he starts to laugh. The cops grab him and drag his ass outside. All the while he's kicking and screaming and calling them everything but children of god.

I turn to Slash seeing three...maybe four of him. "Uhhmmm...run."I grab the collar of his shirt and drag him with me as I get the fuck out of dodge. I drag him from room to room staying just one step ahead of the cops at every turn. I can see them outside through all the windows; they're every fucking where. I see Axl's chick, Erin, rush out the back door. I'm about to follow when I see a cop shining a light through the back yard. Fuck! We're surrounded. I duck and pull Slash down to the floor with me. "Why the fuck are they even here?" I pant.

"Probably because of all the fucking shooting," Slash slurs as he climbs under the kitchen counter.

I watch in amazement as he curls himself under there around the plumbing. "What shooting?" I ask and blink my eyes a few times trying to line out my vision for a fucking second.

"I dunno," he says just before shutting the cabinet door. "Fucking hide Duff!" He calls out to me from inside them.

"Um...babe...did you forget Im like 6' fucking 3?"I shrug at the closed cabinet doors. The only way I was fitting under there was in a gruesome state of dismemberment.

Slash kicks the cabinet door open and folds out. "Attic or basement?" He quickly asks me.

But before I can answer shit starts to get quiet. Too quiet. I peek around the kitchen door but I don't fucking see anyone.Where the hell did all the people and fucking cops with guns go? Slash was closer to a window so I motion for him to have a look. "What do you see?" I whisper.

"A bunch of fucking limos and guys in suits talking to the cops," he says, "They unhandcuffed Nikki and Axl."

I crawl across the floor because...well, because at this state of drunk it's just fucking easier.I pull myself up Slash's body and hang on him as I try to focus on anything but the blinding red and blue lights.

"They have to be from Electra," I say as I see one of the suits going over to ream out Nikki and Tommy. Tommy just nods obediently. Nikki on the other hand seems pretty fucking livid. He's yelling and throwing his arms out emphatically."Fuck...I'm gonna puke," I say and lower my head into the sink. Slash rubs my back as I start to heave.

Then I lose maybe an hour or more of time.When I come to Slash and I are both on the kitchen floor propped against one another sleeping. It was laughter that had awoken me. I open my eyes and see people all over the place drinking and laughing again.What the fuck? I shake Slash and he jerks to.

"What the...?" He asks looking around and seeming as confused by all this as I am. We help each other up feeling dumbfounded. We are both wondering if we dreamed the cops and shit.

Then we see the back door open. Izzy slithers in like a shadow. With the stealth of a cat he is through the room and vanished from sight in about two seconds.Then the back door opens again, Erin comes in. She looks at us briefly as her eyes flutter about. "Where's Axl?" She asks us nervously.

All we can offer is a shrug. Then one very distinct and noticable sound comes from the living room.

"YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

Guess that answer's her question.