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Duff
My life has pretty much turned into one idiosyncratic panic attack after another. I feel like my world has just disappeared. All there is left is booze and coke. But no matter how much I drink, Slash is still gone. And despite all the numbing agents in the coke, I still fucking feel everything. But I guess I brought it on myself with an endless list of little fuckups that finally culminated into right now. I know it’s pointless to try to lay blame. Truth is, it’s all of our faults. Maybe it’s mine for dragging Slash and Stevie into all of this in the first place. Maybe it’s Axl’s for no longer being Izzy’s reason for breathing. Maybe its Izzy’s for wanting what was mine. And maybe it’s Slash’s for not being able to forgive where I have done nothing but just that. Or maybe the real culprit is that spikey haired fucker Nikki Sixx. He’s the one who killed the last of anything good in Izzy. He was the puppet master who manipulated our strings. He owned us and he wouldn’t let us go until he was good and fucking ready.
And I don’t foresee him being ready any time soon. Our bus is about to pull into his hotel in Mobile, Alabama. It’s November and raining, luckily it doesn’t get all that cold in the south. Our show is indoors, so it’s not that big of an issue. It just seems to be putting that little added depressive spin on my current present. I didn’t want to be here. I don’t feel like playing. I don’t want to see Slash and Izzy. I’ve done good to avoid them. This is the closest I’ve been to either of them since everything went down. For the whole trip, from Cleveland to the Gulf of fucking Mexico, I’ve spent in my bunk with the curtain drawn. I haven’t even come out to piss. I just piss in empty vodka bottles, I’ve emptied enough this trip.
I don’t know how we’re all going to put aside our differences long enough to do a show tonight. In fact, I’m a bit worried someone’s emotions will get out of hand. If Axl has to see Slash and Izzy together he may explode, you never know with Axl. However, he has valium, if he’s smart he will take a fist full of them. I fucking would if I had them. Such as it is, I don’t. Just this vodka in my hand and an endless coke supply in my wife’s purse. My wife…ironically enough, she’s the only one speaking to me. She’s been rather nice and understanding actually. Not what I was expecting from one of Nikki’s pawns. How the fuck does he get every chick he fucks to do his evil bidding for him? I’ve seen his dick, it ain’t that big. And most of the time he’s this unapologetic colossal asshole. I just don’t fucking get it.
Just then the curtain to my bunk slides open and Doug is looking at me. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking drunk.”
“That I am my good man…that I am,” I tip my bottle at him.
He grabs my bottle. I’ll stand for a lot of shit, but don’t fuck with my Vodka! I jump up, grab my bottle with one hand and push him away with another. “Fuck off Dougie.”
“Goddamnit Duff, we’re almost at the hotel. There’s reporters there waiting for us. You have to at least be able to fucking walk on your own!”
“I’ll be fine. Your energies would be better spent on the others. Just leave me the fuck alone,” I say and plop back down in my bunk. “You might want to think about disarming Izzy if you want to actually do something constructive,” I huff.
He turns on his heels and storms off. I get one last chug of Vodka as our bus pulls into the hotel. Guess it’s time to face the music. So the bus stops and I make my way to the front where the others have already gotten off. The second my feet hit the pavement I see that rat bastard Sixx sneering at us with delight. Motley’s manager is there. Alan is there. Erin and Mandy are there. Even the groupie Axl and Izzy tag teamed before the Sweet Child shoot is there. And the air is so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut through it.
Erin smiles sheepishly and approaches Axl with a kiss. Izzy snorts and shifts his weight. Mandy comes up to me and gives me a hug. I look to see if Slash is watching, but he’s trying to focus on anything but us.
“Welcome to Mobile,” The son of a bitch says to us and I can see us all fucking cringe. “Took you kids long enough to get here.”
I wonder if I could just fucking hit him and get away with it? Just one good satisfying punch? But I’m not drunk enough to be that fucking stupid. We all managed to get on his bad side already with Axl and Izzy’s little prank on him. Then Izzy puts a gun to his head and dares to laugh at the fuck. I guess Izzy had paid the price for that fuck up…and then some. But Nikki hasn’t forgotten yet. Especially that Axl shot him in his fucking ass. He would try to get revenge on Axl for that for sure. He won’t stop coming for us until he fucking dies. God willing, that will be sooner than later.
“Why so glum,” he chuckles looking at us all.
Izzy just looks at the ground. Axl’s eyes narrow and for a second I worry that he won’t be able to control himself. Luckily Doug steps up and starts making small talk with his management. He just stands silently while casting that evil fucking smirk at whoever dares to make eye contact with him. We all do except Izzy. He is studying the ground looking for lost treasure or something. Maybe he’s wondering what charges he might get pressed on him if he pulls his gun in the front of the hotel.
Stevie is the only diplomatic one of us apparently. He cordially shake hands and makes small talk, doing his best to turn a box of sour lemons into lemonade. We should have been appreciative of this fact, but we just roll our eyes at him. Not much is going to bring smiles to our faces right now. And Nikki goddamn Sixx is not one of those fucking things!
“I’ll show them up,” Alan says, apparently sensing the tension between us and Nikki.
But naturally Nikki fucking follows too. This makes even my trigger finger itch and I don’t even own a fucking gun. I can just imagine what it’s doing to Izzy who has more reason to shoot him than any of us. I sure would rest easier if somebody took his fucking gun. He couldn’t be trusted around Nikki strapped. Not that I would at all blame him if he lodged one right between Sixx’s eyes, in spite of how mad at Izzy I am. Somehow, judging by Axl’s expression, I think he might like to do the job himself. Won’t hear me complain.
So we make it to the elevator. The door opens and people pour out. It would have to hold a capacity of a dozen. Doug is busy at the front desk. Steven stayed with him, most likely too afraid of being shot by a stray bullet from Izzy’s gun. So that leaves Me, Axl, Izzy, Slash, Nikki, Doc, Alan, Erin, and Mandy. At the last second Nikki grabs some red headed chick and drags her into the elevator with him. And naturally she caves in to him like they all apparently do. Just moldable putty in his evil fucking claws. Some people just shouldn’t be blessed with so much power.
So naturally, like the motherfucker he is, he starts eating this chick’s goddamn face right in front of us. We look up, down, and in any direction we can to try to ignore them. Not that it can alleviate the sounds of moaning and smacking. And this little display does not seem to end. Fuck how tall is this hotel? I catch a glance at Erin who does not seem amused by Nikki’s tirade. She looks ready to claw the bitch’s eyes out. And naturally Axl notices her noticing. That will probably be this evening’s drama once they are behind closed doors together. And, as luck would have it, that’s when worse turned into worst…
After retracting his tongue from the strange chicks throat Nikki grabs her ass and smirks in Axl and Izzy’s direction. “Man, don’t you just love red heads? I know Izzy looooves the red heads.”
Izzy acts like he isn’t paying attention, but I can see Axl’s eyes narrowing.
“Wonder how many red heads I can make time for today? Tommy’s not busy, maybe he can help,” Nikki shrugs nonchalantly, but we all get what the fuck he was getting at. It was a threat against Axl.
So in one multitasking movement Izzy manages to stop the elevator, pull his gun, and climb up Sixx like a goddamn step ladder. He shoves his gun into Nikki’s temple so hard that Nikki’s neck has no choice but to bend to the side. Silence falls over the elevator and the only thing we could hear was that damn diabolical hyena laugh of Nikki’s.
“So sensitive,” he chuckles at Izzy, “maybe I’ll be gentle.”
Then I hear the gun cock. Oh fuck me. Why didn’t I get on another fucking elevator?
“Uh…Izz,” Slash whispers but Izzy doesn’t bat a determined eyelash.
“Oh shit!” Alan shouts. “Izzy put down the gun!”
“Izzy no!” Erin calls out.
The strange red headed bystander hovers in the corner screaming. Mandy inches her way behind me like I’m a fucking bulletproof shield or something. And Izzy doesn’t register a bit of it. And then in the midst of the chaos Axl very slowly reaches up his hand and places it over Izzy’s. Izzy blinks then looks at Axl with tears in his eyes. Axl merely shakes his head. Izzy lets him take his gun if you can believe that. Izzy spins around and slams his fist in the go button and shatters it. Axl uncocks the gun and glares hatred at Nikki.
My life has pretty much turned into one idiosyncratic panic attack after another. I feel like my world has just disappeared. All there is left is booze and coke. But no matter how much I drink, Slash is still gone. And despite all the numbing agents in the coke, I still fucking feel everything. But I guess I brought it on myself with an endless list of little fuckups that finally culminated into right now. I know it’s pointless to try to lay blame. Truth is, it’s all of our faults. Maybe it’s mine for dragging Slash and Stevie into all of this in the first place. Maybe it’s Axl’s for no longer being Izzy’s reason for breathing. Maybe its Izzy’s for wanting what was mine. And maybe it’s Slash’s for not being able to forgive where I have done nothing but just that. Or maybe the real culprit is that spikey haired fucker Nikki Sixx. He’s the one who killed the last of anything good in Izzy. He was the puppet master who manipulated our strings. He owned us and he wouldn’t let us go until he was good and fucking ready.
And I don’t foresee him being ready any time soon. Our bus is about to pull into his hotel in Mobile, Alabama. It’s November and raining, luckily it doesn’t get all that cold in the south. Our show is indoors, so it’s not that big of an issue. It just seems to be putting that little added depressive spin on my current present. I didn’t want to be here. I don’t feel like playing. I don’t want to see Slash and Izzy. I’ve done good to avoid them. This is the closest I’ve been to either of them since everything went down. For the whole trip, from Cleveland to the Gulf of fucking Mexico, I’ve spent in my bunk with the curtain drawn. I haven’t even come out to piss. I just piss in empty vodka bottles, I’ve emptied enough this trip.
I don’t know how we’re all going to put aside our differences long enough to do a show tonight. In fact, I’m a bit worried someone’s emotions will get out of hand. If Axl has to see Slash and Izzy together he may explode, you never know with Axl. However, he has valium, if he’s smart he will take a fist full of them. I fucking would if I had them. Such as it is, I don’t. Just this vodka in my hand and an endless coke supply in my wife’s purse. My wife…ironically enough, she’s the only one speaking to me. She’s been rather nice and understanding actually. Not what I was expecting from one of Nikki’s pawns. How the fuck does he get every chick he fucks to do his evil bidding for him? I’ve seen his dick, it ain’t that big. And most of the time he’s this unapologetic colossal asshole. I just don’t fucking get it.
Just then the curtain to my bunk slides open and Doug is looking at me. “Jesus Christ, you’re fucking drunk.”
“That I am my good man…that I am,” I tip my bottle at him.
He grabs my bottle. I’ll stand for a lot of shit, but don’t fuck with my Vodka! I jump up, grab my bottle with one hand and push him away with another. “Fuck off Dougie.”
“Goddamnit Duff, we’re almost at the hotel. There’s reporters there waiting for us. You have to at least be able to fucking walk on your own!”
“I’ll be fine. Your energies would be better spent on the others. Just leave me the fuck alone,” I say and plop back down in my bunk. “You might want to think about disarming Izzy if you want to actually do something constructive,” I huff.
He turns on his heels and storms off. I get one last chug of Vodka as our bus pulls into the hotel. Guess it’s time to face the music. So the bus stops and I make my way to the front where the others have already gotten off. The second my feet hit the pavement I see that rat bastard Sixx sneering at us with delight. Motley’s manager is there. Alan is there. Erin and Mandy are there. Even the groupie Axl and Izzy tag teamed before the Sweet Child shoot is there. And the air is so thick it would take a chainsaw to cut through it.
Erin smiles sheepishly and approaches Axl with a kiss. Izzy snorts and shifts his weight. Mandy comes up to me and gives me a hug. I look to see if Slash is watching, but he’s trying to focus on anything but us.
“Welcome to Mobile,” The son of a bitch says to us and I can see us all fucking cringe. “Took you kids long enough to get here.”
I wonder if I could just fucking hit him and get away with it? Just one good satisfying punch? But I’m not drunk enough to be that fucking stupid. We all managed to get on his bad side already with Axl and Izzy’s little prank on him. Then Izzy puts a gun to his head and dares to laugh at the fuck. I guess Izzy had paid the price for that fuck up…and then some. But Nikki hasn’t forgotten yet. Especially that Axl shot him in his fucking ass. He would try to get revenge on Axl for that for sure. He won’t stop coming for us until he fucking dies. God willing, that will be sooner than later.
“Why so glum,” he chuckles looking at us all.
Izzy just looks at the ground. Axl’s eyes narrow and for a second I worry that he won’t be able to control himself. Luckily Doug steps up and starts making small talk with his management. He just stands silently while casting that evil fucking smirk at whoever dares to make eye contact with him. We all do except Izzy. He is studying the ground looking for lost treasure or something. Maybe he’s wondering what charges he might get pressed on him if he pulls his gun in the front of the hotel.
Stevie is the only diplomatic one of us apparently. He cordially shake hands and makes small talk, doing his best to turn a box of sour lemons into lemonade. We should have been appreciative of this fact, but we just roll our eyes at him. Not much is going to bring smiles to our faces right now. And Nikki goddamn Sixx is not one of those fucking things!
“I’ll show them up,” Alan says, apparently sensing the tension between us and Nikki.
But naturally Nikki fucking follows too. This makes even my trigger finger itch and I don’t even own a fucking gun. I can just imagine what it’s doing to Izzy who has more reason to shoot him than any of us. I sure would rest easier if somebody took his fucking gun. He couldn’t be trusted around Nikki strapped. Not that I would at all blame him if he lodged one right between Sixx’s eyes, in spite of how mad at Izzy I am. Somehow, judging by Axl’s expression, I think he might like to do the job himself. Won’t hear me complain.
So we make it to the elevator. The door opens and people pour out. It would have to hold a capacity of a dozen. Doug is busy at the front desk. Steven stayed with him, most likely too afraid of being shot by a stray bullet from Izzy’s gun. So that leaves Me, Axl, Izzy, Slash, Nikki, Doc, Alan, Erin, and Mandy. At the last second Nikki grabs some red headed chick and drags her into the elevator with him. And naturally she caves in to him like they all apparently do. Just moldable putty in his evil fucking claws. Some people just shouldn’t be blessed with so much power.
So naturally, like the motherfucker he is, he starts eating this chick’s goddamn face right in front of us. We look up, down, and in any direction we can to try to ignore them. Not that it can alleviate the sounds of moaning and smacking. And this little display does not seem to end. Fuck how tall is this hotel? I catch a glance at Erin who does not seem amused by Nikki’s tirade. She looks ready to claw the bitch’s eyes out. And naturally Axl notices her noticing. That will probably be this evening’s drama once they are behind closed doors together. And, as luck would have it, that’s when worse turned into worst…
After retracting his tongue from the strange chicks throat Nikki grabs her ass and smirks in Axl and Izzy’s direction. “Man, don’t you just love red heads? I know Izzy looooves the red heads.”
Izzy acts like he isn’t paying attention, but I can see Axl’s eyes narrowing.
“Wonder how many red heads I can make time for today? Tommy’s not busy, maybe he can help,” Nikki shrugs nonchalantly, but we all get what the fuck he was getting at. It was a threat against Axl.
So in one multitasking movement Izzy manages to stop the elevator, pull his gun, and climb up Sixx like a goddamn step ladder. He shoves his gun into Nikki’s temple so hard that Nikki’s neck has no choice but to bend to the side. Silence falls over the elevator and the only thing we could hear was that damn diabolical hyena laugh of Nikki’s.
“So sensitive,” he chuckles at Izzy, “maybe I’ll be gentle.”
Then I hear the gun cock. Oh fuck me. Why didn’t I get on another fucking elevator?
“Uh…Izz,” Slash whispers but Izzy doesn’t bat a determined eyelash.
“Oh shit!” Alan shouts. “Izzy put down the gun!”
“Izzy no!” Erin calls out.
The strange red headed bystander hovers in the corner screaming. Mandy inches her way behind me like I’m a fucking bulletproof shield or something. And Izzy doesn’t register a bit of it. And then in the midst of the chaos Axl very slowly reaches up his hand and places it over Izzy’s. Izzy blinks then looks at Axl with tears in his eyes. Axl merely shakes his head. Izzy lets him take his gun if you can believe that. Izzy spins around and slams his fist in the go button and shatters it. Axl uncocks the gun and glares hatred at Nikki.
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