Categories > Anime/Manga > Gundam Wing > Survivor
Reviews
Survivor
(#) baka_neko 2005-05-04
Interesting concept, and the setup revealed in the diary entries was fascinating. I love the way the prisoners strategized their way out, and it was a really promising start.
However, I do have several nitpicks, but take with a pinch of salt.
1)The beginning: Leon reading the diary sounds very artificial, honestly. I'd suggest jumping directly to diary format immediately. You've sprinkled enough clues that a reader familiar with Gundam Wing can tell who it is (China, Meiran = Wufei) and really the diary entries are the juicy bits. Prologues can have a different structure from the actual story, since they're setting up the scene.
2) Sometimes, spell check isn't enough. Meiran is the common spelling; unless you have an original character called Merian?
Spellcheckers don't pick up on punctation either. Shower some affection on your commas, they're needed.
Thank you for sharing!Survivor
(#) baka_neko 2005-05-04
Interesting concept, and the setup revealed in the diary entries was fascinating. I love the way the prisoners strategized their way out, and it was a really promising start.
However, I do have several nitpicks, but take with a pinch of salt.
1)The beginning: Leon reading the diary sounds very artificial, honestly. I'd suggest jumping directly to diary format immediately. You've sprinkled enough clues that a reader familiar with Gundam Wing can tell who it is (China, Meiran = Wufei) and really the diary entries are the juicy bits. Prologues can have a different structure from the actual story, since they're setting up the scene.
2) Sometimes, spell check isn't enough. Meiran is the common spelling; unless you have an original character called Merian?
Spellcheckers don't pick up on punctation either. Shower some affection on your commas, they're needed.
Thank you for sharing!
Sign up to review this story.