le-Popo goes insane while at the keyboard, making a fool of herself and several Nintendo characters in the process. Hopefully this is actually funny and I'm not just... weird
Some sort of SSBM Parody by le-Popo
Music that is slightly catchy but gets insanely annoying after multiple hours of listening to it starts playing. Le-Popo, thinks she uses too many words...
RANDOM SPORTS ANNOUNCER GUY: Lets get ready to rrrrumble!
Le-Popo slowly walks up behind him and kicks him into a bottomless pit randomly but conveniently programmed into the game.
POPO: I've wanted to do that for so long....
Everyone including all of the characters and everybody who has ever played the game erupt into loud applause and host a party in honor of the announcer's death.
EVERYONE: You know, he's really not that bad.
POPO: Well you're not writing this are you?
Meanwhile the Ice Climbers are sitting on top of their big ol' glacier polishing their fancy hammers.
NANA: You know, I never even knew this glacier had a top.
POPO THAT IS NOT LE-POPO: Well I guess the game programmers just didn't know the meaning of the word 'infinite.'
NANA: I wonder why we have hammers, too. You'd think a pick axe would do us a lot more good climbing ice.
POPO: You know, I think my hammer is a bit bigger than yours. What do you think?
NANA: Hey When you say it like that it makes it sound like you're talking about your-
POPO: Hey, hey! This parody is G rated!
POPO THAT IS LE-POPO: It's not G rated, folks.
NANA: Yeah, right, like the author could ever write something G rated. You should see her. Whenever she tries to do something intelligent she starts swearing.
POPO: Why the hell do we have so much homework?
On the computer
POPO: WTF?!? My screen turned yellow!
Mercilessly attacking a soda machine
POPO: Mountain dew, mother**!
POPO: It be true.
POPO THAT IS NOT LE-POPO: Well she's just insane.
LE-POPO: Well you stole my name!
NOT LE-POPO: I was in a game in the 80's My name obviously came first!
Not Le-Popo suddenly realizes that Le-Popo is talking to him standing at the bottom of the glacier but is still meeting him at eye level, making her about 100 times larger than he is.
NOT LE-POPO: Th- That's not physically possible!
LE-POPO: This is a parody, logic is non-existent, now respect your elders.
NOT LE-POPO: Hey I told you I'm older than you, you're only 14!
Le-Popo proceeds to throw Not le-Popo off of the glacier.
LE-POPO: GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!
Le-Popo, now being the only Popo in this parody, will now be referred to as simply Popo.
SIMPLY POPO: No, just Popo.
POPO: That's better.
NANA: What am I supposed to do now? I can't do anything by myself.
POPO: Just get a job at McDonalds.
Nana applies for a job at McDonalds but is denied the position because she is not of Hispanic descent. She then tries again wearing a false mustache and under the assumed name Esteban Sanchez and is immediately promoted to assistant manager.
AUDIENCE: Hey That was a racial slur!
POPO: Well when was the last time you saw any white people working at McDonalds?
The audience manages to send Popo off to tolerance camp after a long struggle. She comes back two months later stripped of her dignity.
POPO: Let's hold hands and sing a song of friendship and tolerance !
AUDIENCE: Jesus Christ, what have we done.
Popo then sends the audience off to tolerance camp for religious intolerance.
Popo hopes that she doesn't get banned for this joke...
While all of this is going on, Link and Zelda are sitting around at the Hyrule Temple stage doing... nothing.
ZELDA: Hey Link! Guess what I found out!
LINK: What is it this time, Zelda?
ZELDA: This entire temple is floating in the sky! LOL!
LINK: My God, Zelda! Today you've already told me that the sky is blue, I'm wearing green, and Richard Simmons is gay. You really need to stop pointing out the obvious here!
ZELDA: I'm just giving out helpful pieces of advice.
LINK: How is that supposed to be helpful?? You're not helpful at all!
ZELDA: Well that wasn't very nice.
RICHARD SIMMONS: Not very nice at all...
awkward silence goes here
LINK: Being trapped in this place is driving me insane...
ZELDA: Well why don't we just go to another stage?
LINK: Those other stages are full of nutjobs all of the time. Seriously, the next time I hear 'PIKA! PIKA!' I'm going to saw off my ears. And since this is the only Zelda stage....
ZELDA: What about Great Bay?
LINK: Are you kidding?! There's no way I'm going there! That's where Tingle is!
Meanwhile, in Great Bay...
TINGLE: Tingle is lonely....
Many hours later...
LINK: You know, I don't even see why I had to be the Hero of Time. It's just like 'Hey, we're going to take you out of your relatively normal but slightly emo life as an outcast so you can lose seven years of your life saving the kingdom from an insane man with a mullet who just so happens to be born from a group of asexual females.' It makes no sense!
ZELDA: And he's been bitching like this for three hours...
POPO: He sounds like my dad...
LE-POPO'S DAD: Do the dishes now or I deprive you of your only source of money!
Le-Popo forces her lazy bum downstairs to do the dishes and is confronted by an endless mountain of tupperware.
COMMERCIAL SALESPERSON: Don't get mad, get GLAD!
POPO: GLAD, my ass....
ANYWEH, back at Hyrule Temple, Gannondorf overhears his mullet being mentioned and comes to intervene.
GANNONDORF: You know, I don't like it when you talk about my mullet in such a disrespectful way.
LINK: Is there any respectful way to talk about someone's mullet?
Gannondorf hits Link over the head with a giant and awesome-looking sword that he can't even use in the game, but manages to show up in all of his victory poses and his All-Star mode trophy. All that Popo has to say about this is WTF?
LINK: Ow You know I'm glad you didn't have that thing in OoT, you would have beat my ass. All you managed to do was throw some sparkly things at me that I could deflect with a /bottle/.
GANNONDORF: You're just jealous because my sword is more pwnsome than yours.
POPO: LOL! I BE NERD!
AUDIENCE: You know, that's not usually something you want to make known to the world.
Le-Popo zaps the audience with her uber 1337 skills that can only be gained through too much internet exposure.
POPO: No comments from the peanut gallery, I be allergic. No srsly.
Srsly I am.
ZELDA: Hey, look at that!
SHEIK: I feel pretty, and witty, and gheeeeeeeeey!
LINK: Hey, Zelda, how can he be here, isn't he you?
Sheik unzips his very realistic and well-crafted Sheik suit to reveal...
LINK/ZELDA/GANNONDORF: RICHARD SIMMONS??
RICHARD SIMMONS: Yaay!
Meanwhile at Great Bay, Young Link is occupied by someone far more annoying...
TINGLE: Tingle is so glad to see you Mr. Fairy! Tingle has been alone for a long, long time. Would you like to buy one of Tingle's ridiculously overpriced maps?
YOUNG LINK: STFUbomb!
And Young Link's STFUbomb explodes carrying the audience and Le-Popo all the way to Final Destination where Marth and Roy are because they have no stage.
MARTH: We have no stage, emo tear
ROY: You know, I think my sword is slightly longer than yours...
MARTH: We've already gone over this!
ROY: Hey, I've always wondered, what's the difference between our attacks?
MARTH: Well that's simple, mine are more graceful and elegant.
ROY: Which is your way of saying they're not loaded with super pyromaniac powers like mine are!
MARTH: Those are just bells and whistles anyway...
ROY: Well can your attacks explode in somebody's face? I THINK NOT !!
Le-Popo thinks it's just because the programmers got lazy...
SSBM PROGRAMMERS: Well that's because we were too busy figuring out which moves you can use to look up Zelda's skirt.
POPO: A life trapped in front of a computer is a sad, sad thing indeed.
MARTH: You're just jealous of my devilish good looks!
CROWD OF DROOLING FANGIRLS: WE LOVE YOU MARTH!!
POPO: You see? This is why I write COMEDY fanfiction. FANGIRL TENDENCIES! FANGIRL TENDENCIES, I SAY!
The fangirls attack Marth, doing things that are bound to mentally scar him for the rest of his life.
ROY: Well if you're going to bring your fanclub out to do your fighting for you, I can always bring mine, too.
MARTH: Yeah ? Well Circumference divided by Diameter is PI!
ROY: When did pie become involved?
Le-Popo can't even remember it past that...
ROY: No, srsly, you're making me want pie!
MARTH: Would you care for a cup of tea?
ROY: Well, he's finally snapped.
So seeing as Marth is going berserk, Le-Popo decides to see what is going on in the Mushroom Kingdom.
MARIO: It's a me a Mario!
AUDIENCE: Well, that was predictable.
MARIO: Let's a go!
PEACH: Hey Mario, how about a super-mushroom?
PEACH: I never said you were getting one.
LUIGI: Well, back to the emo corner for me then.
Mario eats (or absorbs, or whatever it is they do with those things) the super-mushroom and suddenly becomes larger and more powerful.
MARIO: It's osmosis!
And le-Popo's science nerdiness is revealed.
MARIO: Wow I feel amazing I can do anything Hey, Peach, can I have another?
PEACH: Not today, Mario.
Le-Popo begins to suspect some subliminal messages behind Mario's seeming addiction to these substances with strange side-effects.
PEACH: Hey! Nintendo would never do that!
POPO: Yeah, and neither would Disney, right? It's all a conspiracy.
Le-Popo slowly fades into the shadows.
MARIO: Aw, can't I have just one more, Peach?
PEACH: I'll give you one tomorrow, that is, if I don't get kidnapped again.
Bowser suddenly pops out of nowhere and takes Peach away to his castle.
PEACH: Well, shit.
MARIO: Just send me one in the mail, okay?
Just as a side note, le-Popo is not going to put Dr. Mario in this parody because he's EXACTLY
the same as Mario.
DR. MARIO: Well, I'm just Mario with a medical degree.
AUDIENCE: I thought you just said you weren't going to put him in.
Popo disappears with Dr. Mario in a flash of light.
POPO'S VOICE: You saw nothing....
IMPA: Hey The 'leaving in a flash of light' is my thing!
Popo throws a deku nut a Impa and watches as she suddenly reveals her epileptic nature by having a massive seizure.
Karma then slaps le-Popo in the face by sending her into a series of convulsions.
POPO: Well, then, let's just move o- AUUUUGHHHHH!!
Popo then decides that karma is not a thing to be trifled with.
On to the Brinstar stage then.
SPACE PIRATE: Ahoy!
POPO: Hehe, it's a pun.
POPO: You know, space /pirate/?
AUDIENCE: ... you fail so much.
POPO: Well fine then.
Samus fires a missile at le-Popo, who dodges it Matrix-style.
POPO: Use the force.
SAMUS: Oh, sorry. I thought you were an oddly dressed space pirate.
POPO: Well no, but there's one over there.
SPACE PIRATE: Yar! Walk the plank!
Samus proceeds to blow the space pirate's brains out in a very non-violent way.
POPO: So why were the Prime games rated T again? There's not even any blood! You just shoot them and they fade away.
Samus then points her arm cannon at le-Popo.
SAMUS: Are you trying to say I'm not kick-ass enough for a T game?
POPO: No, no, you're EXTREME! Extreme, yeah....
JOHNNY XTREME: EXTREME!
SAMUS: TO THE MAX!
AUDIENCE: oh dear...
Popo quickly exits the stage to avoid any further confrontation.
MR. GAME AND WATCH: Breakfast's on!
SAMUS: Oooh What is it?
MR. GAME AND WATCH: Sausages! Hot, spicy sausages of DOOM!
Mr. Game and Watch flips a sausage out of the pan and into Samus' face, causing her to stagger backwards into the depths of the lava.
AUDIENCE: You, know, she had her visor on so it shouldn't have made a difference.
POPO: Um, well, she... didn't have her Varia Suit upgrade yet! Yeah... So the heat was too... too INTENSE for her to handle! Yeah...
JOHNNY XTREME: INTENSE!
MR. GAME AND WATCH: Maybe I should use a little less pepper next time...
Roy enters the stage.
ROY: Hey guys
And now somehow, Samus is back with us...
SAMUS: What are you doing here?
ROY: Well Marth was busy talking about 'beautiful butterflies,' so I figured I'd just let him do that by himself. That, and I need to hide from my fanclub. They do crazy things when they find me....
ROY'S FANCLUB: WE FOUND HIM!
Roy quickly hides behind Mr. Game and Watch, and the fangirls, being stupid and airheaded as they are, get confused and walk away.
ROY: Phew, that was close. It's a good thing you're flat, it makes things so much easier.
MR. GAME AND WATCH: Hey Just because I'm flat doesn't mean I'm any less adult than you!
NURSE JOY: It's okay, we have plastic surgery for that!
Le-Popo is confused because she doesn't even watch Pokemon....
Mr. Game and Watch runs off of the stage crying.
SAMUS: ... He's just jealous of my womanliness...
ROY: Ha , you're about as womanly as my a-
Samus begins to pummel Roy.
SAMUS: So what's this about your ass and me not being womanly?
ROY: Oh, right, you're much more womanly than my ass...
Roy then realizes that fangirls are no threat compared to feminists.
Well, let's visit the Starfox crew, shall we?
FALCO: I think my gun can shoot more rounds than yours, Fox.
AUDIENCE: ALL RIGHT! JUST STOP WITH THIS JOKE!
POPO: alright, fine then.
FOX: Yeah..... so what do you want to talk about?
FALCO: I dunno, what do you want to talk about.
FOX: Uh, FLYING, and uh SHOOTING THINGS, yeah...
Le-Popo begins to wonder how obvious it is that she's never played any of the Starfox games....
AUDIENCE: Very obvious
POPO: Well, let's make this more interesting then.
Popo hops on top of the plane thing, which she is too lazy to look up the name of, with Fox and Falco.
POPO: Hey! So I herd u liek mudkipz?
Popo giggles as the audience groans at her display of to much time on the internet YET AGAIN.
FOX: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?
FALCO: I believe it's some sort of ugly humanoid.
POPO: Now, now, don't make me set the fangirls loose on you.
FOX: Well, I don't have a huge fan base like Marth or Roy or Link, I don't really have anything to worry about.
POPO: Au contraire, I'm sure there are plenty of shoujo fangirls who would just love to sever those lovely little ears of yours, put them on a cheap headband, and cosplay as 'KAWAII NEKO DESU!!!' You wouldn't want that, now would you.
Fox assumes the fetal position and begins to rock back and forth at the prospect of what Popo has just said.
On a side note, Popo would like to add that she knows that 'kitsune' would have been more appropriate for this situation, but that didn't sound as good. Popo also realizes that she used improper Japanese, but that's all in the spirit of fangirls who put 'kawaii' at the end of every sentence, now isn't it?
AUDIENCE: She's explaining things in a slightly intelligent manner....
EVERYONE: awkward silence
POPO: Is it alarming how charming you feel?
EVERYONE: Well I guess it could only last for so long...
Seeing as how le-Popo doesn't seem to know anything about Starfox, lets go to Pokemon Stadium now.
AUDIENCE: Well, this is action-packed and exciting....
MEWTWO: You all mock my intelligence.
POPO: Everybody mocks my intelligence.
AUDIENCE: That's not a good thing....
Popo uses her amazing author skills to create a giant spear and waves it around in front of the audience's faces.
POPO: Who's mocking my intelligence now, huh?
RANDOM MEMBER OF AUDIENCE: I'll give you a kit kat if you stop waving that thing in front of my face.
Popo grabs the kit kat and runs off to her emo corner, leaving the audience behind.
AUDIENCE: Easy to manipulate as usual.
Little does the audience know that le-Popo is actually using the kit kat to fuel her plan to use them as sacrifices to the great spork god so she can fulfill her mad desire to take over the wo-
Le-Popo realizes that she needs to stop talking.
POPO: The walls have ears....
Well seeing as there's nothing amusing going on here, lets go on over to, hey, wait...
AUDIENCE: Where are we?
POPO: Hey, look! Credits! IN SPACE!
RANDOM SSBM PLAYER: LOL! I shot Miyamoto!
Well I guess that means it's the end, folks, because le-Popo thinks that 12 pages is loooong enough D:
NANA: Hola! May I take your order?
POPO: CUT! I said it's over!
NANA: Oh, hokay...
for now anyway...
Disclaimer: Le-Popo doesn't own Nintendo or any of its characters, Richard Simmons, or any of the other people/characters mentioned in this parody, though if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
Notes: This was originally written for fanfiction.net, until after the three day waiting period, le-Popo realized that there are no scriptfics allowed. That really sucks D: (she is pretty sure it is allowed on here, but if not, please forgive Popo, she couldn't find it specifically mentioned anywhere noob alert noob alert)
Le-Popo enjoys writing in script format because it makes comedy so much more amusing :D
Basically, le-Popo figured that SSB was perfect for a parody since it includes ALL of the nintendo characters to make fun of >:D
Also, le-Popo don't hate fangirls, or any of the games she 'bashed,' they're just fun to make fun of XP
Well, Popo is pretty sure she should shut up now, as all of this third person is probably getting annoying XD
Thanks for reading