The tragic, tragic ending to the love story of Princess Sanzo and her dear Hakkai.
Chapter Six: Reunion
By Princess X-S Moonshyne
Princess Sanzo was unspeakably relieved to see that King Goku looked nothing at all like the monstrous, drooling blob of lard her most nightmarish girlish imaginings had painted him as. He was even a little cute, in an irritatingly perky way; no more than an exuberant boy with bright, sunny eyes to match his brainlessly cheerful grin and a tousled mop of spiky brown hair that all but concealed his golden crown.
He looked nothing like she had expected, but she still hated him on sight. "Can we eat the wedding cake now?" were his first words of greeting when she climbed out from the sedan, shrugging off her ropes and kicking the impertinent guards who had dared tie her up.
Before she could gather herself to reply, she felt a tug on her pride and joy, the long, shining tresses of french-fry coloured hair, and spun around to see King Goku looking guilty with chewed-off locks of her precious hair dangling from his mouth. He spat it out quickly as she felt the blood haze creeping over her vision and roaring fury in her ears.
"It looked so much like french-fries I had to try it!" blurted the accursed food-obsessed monkey as she advanced on him with her Exorcist Gun gripped tightly in shaking hands.
"My hair... the split ends... You... YOU HAVE MADE ME PREGNANT!" she shrilled on a flash of inspiration, mindful of Queen Koumyo's injunction to blame Goku for her pregnancy as soon as decently possible.
King Goku gawked at her in helpless astonishment. "That can't be possible! I thought people only become pregnant when they- er... sleep together?"
Sanzo had to revise her mental estimate of his intelligence, but decided there was enough uncertainty in his voice to push the issue. "It's ALL YOUR FAULT!" she screeched, and to prove her point, retched noisily and noisomely (the result of too many pickles) on his marble floor. As if whatever stars were watching over her approved, her stomach also bloated most propitiously and she cursed her hapless groom with much spirit as she toppled over from the sudden change in her centre of gravity.
King Goku quickly called for doctors to come to her aid, but clearly didn't believe her quite up to the moment when she gave birth to a squalling red-faced baby boy with soft golden-brown hair like overcooked hashbrowns and eyes the sort of mouldy looking grey-green colour you get when you mix grape-jam purple like Sanzo's eyes with algae green like Hakkai's eyes.
Anyway, once the baby had made its presence very much seen and heard, breaking some of the fine crystal in very much the same way as its mother, King Goku could no longer deny his liability, and assented to take them all into his home, though he had the tendency to hide behind a curtain every time Sanzo entered a room, from which refuge he would stare at her fearfully, obviously convinced she was some kind of freak.
Nevertheless, he did assign her a maid to help care for the baby; a pleasant and strikingly pretty young woman with long brown hair and green eyes that reminded her of Hakkai. The maid smiled sweetly and managed to soothe both mother and child effectively, anticipating their needs and knowing when Sanzo wanted to be alone to daydream about Hakkai.
The jittery distance her husband kept from her also pleased Sanzo greatly, and she cooed over the baby, wondering if Goku would finally catch on if she named the baby Hakkai Junior after her darling Hakkai, or if she should keep to the better part of valour and call it something less obvious, perhaps Jyuichiro or Hakuryuu (oh, what had happened to the cute little Jeep that had brought them together?).
But even such meagre happiness was not to last. As the poor princess mused happily over her and Hakkai's love-child on a grey, cloudy day with little to recommend it but the fact that King Goku was making himself very busy elsewhere, anywhere but where she was, there came terrible screams from below, as though someone was butchering a lot of chickens in anticipation of her baby's first-month celebrations.
Sanzo stood and gasped as Hakkai burst through the door brandishing his fruit knife, bloody and grim and so very sexy (it's a little late to be prudish when you've already had his illegitimate child, she chided herself as she started to blush at the thought). "Hakkai," she breathed in wonder, hardly daring to believe her eyes. "You did come back for me."
He did not smile, nor did his eyes soften when he looked upon their baby. "So it is true then," he said as he advanced on them.
Sanzo began to feel the first inkling of fear and confusion , backing away from him though all she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms and weep for joy. "What is true?"
"That you married someone else and had a child!" he cried in anguish, ripping the baby away from her arms that had gone slack with shock. "How could you?" Hakkai shook his head slowly as tears slid down his face, and defenestrated the baby.
"That's OUR baby, you idiot!" she screeched, and smashed the nearest vase she could find over his head, hoping the cold water would shock him back to his senses.
"Oh." Hakkai stared out the window, the colour draining from his face. "Ours..?" He looked so lost and shattered, as if he had lost all reason he had for living, that Sanzo felt her heart breaking with his and forgave him instantly.
"Oh, Hakkai," she wept, embracing his rain-and-vase-soaked, chilled body. "It doesn't matter anymore now that you're back. I haven't even named the baby, and we can always have more," she assured him, cupping his beautiful face in her slim hands to make sure he was paying attention to her. "I'm so glad you've come back to me."
"Dear Sanzo," he said fervently, placing his hands over hers and gazing passionately into her eyes, "I will never let us be parted again, my beloved." He squinted a little at her hair, as if bemused by the split ends left from Goku's sampling.
"Hakkai, dear Hakkai," she murmured.
"Hakkai?" They started and broke apart from instinctive propriety, having never been together in public. It was the maid, who had come back with a bottle of warm milk for the baby. The bottle fell to the floor and shattered. She and Hakkai stared at each other in shock, and Sanzo was again struck by their resemblance. They could have been siblings.
"Kanan," Hakkai whispered in a daze, as though waking from a long nightmare. "It is you... I have been searching for you all my life..."
Kanan, the maid, who really was quite plain and ugly now that Sanzo had time to look at her without the distraction of the baby, however much the girl resembled her handsome Hakkai, raised her hands to her mouth, eyes shimmering with crocodile tears, the sly, husband-stealing incestuous bitch. "Hakkai, is it really you?"
Hakkai stepped away from Sanzo and towards Kanan with a look of wonder on his face that should have been reserved for Sanzo. "Kanan..."
The fated lovers embraced, weeping for their long separation. "NO!" Sanzo howled, heartbroken. She emptied her gun into his back, and wept as the rain fell down and splashed through the open window, misting over Hakkai and Kanan's lifeless bodies.
Oh baby, baby
The reason I breathe is you
Boy you got me blinded
Oh pretty baby
There's nothing that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it
~ Britney Spears Baby One More Time
(But it's not over yet. Epilogue to come.)