The last moment of the series. Spike muses as everything finally comes to an end.
I'm not quite sure, but I think I am still standing. Wait. I know I am still standing. You wouldn't think that's a hard thing to realize, but if you had bullets lodged in your body and were holding your stomach together with one hand, I'm sure you wouldn't be all that sure either. I focus on my surroundings and notice the stairs that lead to the door- I wonder if I can make it? If only just to see them all once more.
One shaky step follows another as I try to make my way down the flight of stairs. Vicious's men are crowded around me, but I ignore them; let them finish me off if they want to. What glory do they think will follow by kicking a dog while it is already dying. Maybe they finally understand that they can't kill me, even with my ninth life up I am still fighting. Was I always such a stubborn ass?
Everything seems so...distant, as though none of this is real. Dare I say it? This all feels like a dream. Heh. All a dream. Is this what death is like? Falling into a dream that you will never wake up from? I thought that's what life was. That's the very fate I was trying to escape. What kind of joke is this?
I look at my stomach. It almost seems like I am looking at someone else's body. That wound looks like it should hurt more. I feel pain, yea, can't deny that, but it is not physical pain; no, it's another kind. It's in m mind, my conscious, my heart. Funny, I went through life feeling so dull, so...dead. Now that I feel alive I'm going to die. How poetic. Bet some fucker out there is laughing.
I can't shake the feeling that everyone will think I did this for her. I wish I could clear up the fact that I didn't. She is dead, how could I help someone that is dead? I did this for them...I did this for him.
I never wanted it to end this way. Putting a bullet through my best friend's heart was the last thing I wanted to do in this world. Turns out, it was the last thing I did in this world. Alright, that was a cheap joke. Had to try didn't I?
I wish I could make this damn ache in my chest go away. Did I really kill him? I killed my best fucking friend. But there was no other way. It had to be done. He changed. He was not the same person he was back then. He was no the guy I grew up with, the friend that always had my back. He was not the one that promised me we would rule the syndicate as a duo; the only people who would never betray one another. I guess he lied. He did manage to keep one promise though. He told me, that if I died, he would be by my side. I doubt he meant it like this. But that was the old Vicious and he was gone.
Still, I miss him. I will be joining him soon but I miss him. Dammit, it was not supposed to end this way. We were supposed to be fighting together, not against each other. Fuck, my friend is dead and I was the one that killed him.
How did it get so screwed up?. It was her. Fuck, we were both so blind. We let a woman get in between us. How did that happen, why did that happen? Why did I have to kill my best friend? My brother. Why did I have to fall for her? Why is she dead?
My body begins to tremble as if fighting to support itself. No matter how weary I am, it will not allow itself to fall. It has a destination. I know exactly where it wants to die. Too bad, I know I will never each the Bebop; I probably can't even reach the Swordfish.
I guess, I want to see Jet just one more time. No, I want Jet to be here by my side, yea, right here with all the others. I want to apologize for the fact that I will not bring any more bounties in, that I am hurting him. I want my last moments to be on the yellow couch with them all. Jet, Faye, Ed, even that stupid mutt Ein. I want them around me as I shut my eyes for the last time. I never told them that I cared. That I actually counted them all as my friends - my family. Things like that were not spoken on the Bebop; they were not noticed. I finally notice..... well, too late now.
It's too late for everything now. To think, I was actually starting to like kids, dogs, and women with attitude. Never thought that would happen. Does it even matter? I'm not going to live to see tomorrow. Who cares what I think about them? I do.
I am destroying our family. No, it was destroyed the moment Ed left with the mutt. Still, I'm leaving two important people behind, not that I have a choice in the matter. I hope they understand I did this for them. If I had not come here they would have been targeted. They would be targeted as a way to get to me. I would be putting their lives in danger. I had to leave them. I had to protect them. In order to do that, I had to leave them.
I am joining Julia and Vicious. We'll all be together again. In an odd way that makes me feel some happiness. We'll all be together, we were doomed in life but maybe we'll have a chance after all. Jealously, anger, spite, none of that will exist. Everyone will be there one day as well. I was never one to believe in an afterlife but now I have to. I have to believe in one so I can allow my body to die. I can't leave thinking I will never see my family again. We'll all be together. Maybe everything will be ok after all. I'm going to join everyone that went before me. Vicious, Julia, Gren, Annie, they are all waiting for me; I can feel it. Yes, we'll be together.
It's getting dark. I think my time is drawing near. My story is finally ending. Do I even get a final monologue? No, that is not my style. Besides, I don't want to keep death waiting. He might think I'm tricking him again and give me a harsher punishment. He has been waiting far too long for me to make him wait more.
I bet some lucky person on the other side is happy. They won the bet. They said this would be my final battle and it was. My lives finally ran out. I'll have to find him and take the money. I did earn it in a sense.
My chest is beginning to hurt. I am making Jet and Faye suffer. I wonder what will happen if Ed ever finds out. I never saw her cry. I will make her cry. I made Faye cry already, now I'll be responsible for Ed, too. I'm making you loose a best friend Jet. I know you need me. It was an unspoken bond between us. We leaned on each other and I just left. I left to kill my best friend. My best friend that caused the death of me, that caused the death of the woman I loved; the woman that I stole from Vicious. How the hell did things end up this way?
My breath is getting weak, my lungs giving out on me. Never knew it was so hard to keep my eyes open. I guess dying really is like falling asleep. Man, I hope I don't get caught in another dream.
My feet begin to shake, I can't walk anymore. I'm going to fall. I feel it. No, it cannot end this way. I look up at the men still in the room. They are not sure what to do; so I guess they opt to just watch me suffer. I smirk. Can't leave them without one more show. I manage to lift up my arm; hand shaped like a gun. One simple word will do it. One simple word to sum everything up.
And everything comes to this....