- couple of things, not big but, Starfire is one word, and you repeatedly made it two but sometimes it was one. Another is a vampire has dull black or gray eyes and they need vampire blood in their system to help if they have just been tranformed into a vampire. Another is that you rated the first chapter with a x sex but there was nothing really wron with it. You also need to make sure that you have that correct if you ever creat another fan fiction. Very good and creative. Interesting and well written. A few spelling and grammer mastikes here and there but overall it was pretty good.
(#) paua_dragon 2007-08-26although ( as xXxEmmYxXx says) Vampires aren't real you have to be careful not to fall into cliches and sterotypes. I've never heard of anything to do with the eyes butdo be careful about how you make and describe them. Vampires like Dracula have given way to a lot of untrue cliches (eg Vampires becoming bats) so try not to refer to that to much.
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