FicWad

I sighed while I lied there staring up at the ceiling. My mind was running ragged and I felt my heart ripping in two directions. My hands rested against the sheet over my chest and I tightened my grip for a moment before sighing and closing my eyes.

"Ev?" I smiled lightly as a hand brushed against my stomach, calming my nerves. I turned my head and opened my eyes.

"Yea?" I asked. Andy smiled.

"You alright?" he asked and I nodded.

"I just don't like it when I'm sick," I lied and Andy sighed before turning on his side and bringing me closer.

"I don't like it either," I took a breath and closed my eyes. I seriously didn't deserve this man.

The little Evie in my mind was crying from frustration and I didn't want to let it show. I adjusted my tank top before I rolled onto my stomach and groaned.

"I don't like my stomach very much," I whispered. "I'm sorry," I added. Andy shook his head into the pillow and rubbed my back, kissing my shoulder.

"At least you're here. It's all I need," I smiled and closed my eyes again. Everything seemed so out of place and askew in my mind. It was almost as if my brain couldn't function with men or boys. It's probably how I end up in bar fights or in alleys.

I shuddered.

"You ok?" I fluttered my eyes open and remembered I was here again. I blinked hard.

"Yeah," I whispered and snuggled my head into the pillow, my hair shielding my face.

"Evie," fingers brushed my hair away and I closed my eyes. "What's the matter? Other than your sick," I sighed and wrapped my arms around his torso.

"I don't want to talk about it," I whispered.

I felt like a horrible person. I closed my eyes and waited until everything was silent before contemplating sleep.

----------

"You feel any better?" I coughed. "Never mind," I sighed, turning around and falling to the mattress.

"I'm sorry," I sniffed and Joe shook his head, sitting next to me.

"This sickness is nerves, huh?" he asked, rubbing my back. I groaned.

"I get sick every time I'm worried about myself," I said and Joe frowned.

"What's going on?" he asked and I gulped.

"Pete loves me," Joe blinked.

"You say that like I didn't know already," he turned slightly to face me more.

"How long have you known?" I asked and Joe shrugged.

"Since Pete found out," I bit my lip.

"But then why does he do this now? He knows I'm happy with Andy," Joe cut me off.

"But are you really?" I stared at him.

"Of course," I whispered and brought my knees up to my chest.

"Evie...what's the matter?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I told Pete that I didn't know what feelings I have for him. He said he'd wait," Joe sighed, pulling his hand from my back and shaking his head at his feet.

"He's going to wait until you tell him, Ev," I blinked.

"So if I tell him no, he's...going to be miserable," Joe sighed.

"He's going to be miserable either way, Ev," I leaned against Joe's shoulder and sniffed.

"I hate boys," Joe made a sound.

"Hey," he whined and I smiled.

"What's the plan for today?" Joe shrugged and I tilted my head up to catch his eyes.

"Pete said something about finding a vocalist," I frowned.

"Did he listen to me and get Andy to be in the band?" Joe nodded.

"Yea, but...it's not like he hates Andy or anything, he's just jealous of what he's got," Joe looked down at me and I sighed, closing my eyes and frowning.

"Pete frustrates me," Joe smirked.

"You can say that again," I opened my eyes.

"I'm probably going to hang out with Iz and Patrick today then," Joe nodded and we stayed silent for a while.

"My phone's ringing," I mumbled as I heard it muffled under my pillow. Joe smirked.

"Let's have phone sex," I glared at Joe.

"That's what I have Ashley for," Joe blinked.

"Huh?" he asked and I laughed, ignoring my phone.

"I love you Squishy," I said between laughter and placed a wet kiss on his cheek. Joe squirmed.

"Ewwwww! Wenz germs, and probably Hurley germs too! Gahh!"

----------

I watched as Patrick stared intently at his hands as he ripped the napkin in front of him. I sighed softly and glanced over at Izzy who was somewhat next to him on the round highly placed table at the café.

She kept glancing over at Patrick every few seconds and playing with her hands, lowering her sleeves and rubbing her arms. I cleared my throat.

"So...what's new with you, Izzy?" I asked and she bit her lip.

"Nothing," she whispered and I closed my eyes, annoyed with the silence.

"Patrick?" I asked and he grunted.

"Not much," he spoke in the same tone. I glared at his hands.

"Wow, you guys have such a big vocabulary. I'm having a hard time keeping up with such an intellectual conversation." Patrick looked up and bit his lip.

"Sorry Evie," he whispered. I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, yeah..." I looked at Izzy who remained quiet. "Izzy?" I asked and she looked up right when my phone rang. I groaned and answered.

"Hello?" I asked and I heard a frustrated sigh.

"Ev. Yeah...we're having some band problems, so we're just gonna hang out for the rest of the day," I sighed.

"What happened to vocal tryouts, Joe?" I asked and he sighed.

"Nobody fits the part, it sucks," I hummed.

"Alright, it's pretty dull here too," the two didn't even flinch. I sighed. "We'll be there soon," Joe smirked.

"Alright. Bye,"

"Bye,"

----------

I sat at the piano bench, Patrick next to me while the boys chattered away about the band being incomplete without a vocalist. I sighed and lifted my hands to the piano, lightly playing tunes. Patrick smiled lightly.

"You know that one song?" I raised an eyebrow.

"What song?" I asked and Patrick blushed lightly.

"Let's Get It On?" he whispered and I giggled lightly before playing the first four notes. Patrick smirked.

"I've been really trying, baby," I saw Pete's head perk up. "Trying to hold back this feeling for so long,"

I played on and watched as Pete stood up from the conversation, Andy and Joe watching him as he came over and sat next to Patrick as he sang. Patrick stopped mid-lyric and blinked, embarrassed. He turned slightly and sheepishly smiled.

"Hi," he said softly and I giggled as Pete stared at him, bewildered.

"Patrick. You are perfect," Patrick bit his lip.

"What do you mean?" he asked timidly and Pete wrapped his arms around Patrick.

"I've found my singer!"

----------

By the end of March the no-named band had developed, with Izzy and I watching them all practicing and growing more musically talented each and every day.

As it got closer and closer to me and Patrick's birthday, they even managed to score gigs three weeks in a row. We were proud and I was amazed at the power the lyrics could be. I wondered what went on in Pete's head.

But then again, I already knew, didn't I?

April 28th came around quickly, and I found myself in the middle of an early morning band practice. I was messing around up-stairs in Pete's room, observing the ever growing CD collection. I heard the door creak open and sighed.

"Oh...hey," I looked over to see Pete biting his lip as he walked over towards the foot of his bed, sitting there. I looked back to his CD's and smiled, running my fingers down them to observe a little better.

"How's practice?" I asked and he cleared his throat.

"Joe left to take Izzy home, and Andy left to pick up Brunch. Uh...Patrick's still downstairs, I think Hemingway's got him," I laughed lightly before turning and walking to sit next to him.

"Anything else?" I asked and smiled innocently. Pete smiled, turning his head towards me.

"Happy birthday, Evie," I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"You remembered," Pete smirked lightly before looking back down at his feet and resting his hands in his lap. He scooted back slightly and I copied before taking a deep breath.

"Ev?" I blinked before looking at his profile.

"Yes?" I asked and Pete closed his eyes tightly.

"I'm apologizing in advance," I creased my eyebrows together for a moment until Pete opened his eyes and turned his head towards mine.

My breathing stopped then and I couldn't help but watch his hands move to hold the back of my neck and my waist. I closed my eyes and waited until his lips touched mine to rest my hands on his shoulders.

This was wrong on so many levels, and yet I couldn't find the strength or ability to push him away.

His tongue ran against my lips and I didn't think much of it other than to part my lips and let him deepen the kiss.

This is right about the time where somebody should walk in, right when Joe would jump in and catch us right in the middle of something and make me remember that I'm happily taken by somebody amazing.

But no, nobody came through the door.

Instead, I felt myself being pushed backwards onto the twin bed, my feet hanging off slightly.

It didn't stop.

Pete moved over me more and I gripped his shoulders as his lips left mine and ran down my jaw line to my neck where he placed butterfly kisses until he met my shirt line, going back to my lips that were already swollen.

It was right about the time that his fingers ran across the exposed skin between my pant line and hem of my sweater that I realized how terrible I was becoming. I made a sound of discomfort and pushed him gently away from my lips. Closing my eyes and swallowing nerves.

"This is so wrong," I whispered and rolled him off of me, sitting and standing.

I walked right out of the room without looking back at him. My hands were shaky as I found the bathroom and splashed my face with water. I looked at myself in the mirror and cringed.

"What have you become, Evie?"