Categories > Games > Sonic the Hedgehog > A.R.K. Anthropomorphic Randomness Kills
A.R.K. Anthropomorphic Randomness Kills
2 reviewsA random retelling of Sonic Adventure 2, as the name suggests! Don't like, don't read! Please read and review! Anyone who reviews gets return favor! RETURN FAVOR POLICY: Anyone who reviews get...
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A.R.K.:Anthropomorphic Randomness Kills
Written by Marcus McCloud
Concept 2002/Written 2006-07
Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic. Sonic Team and Sega
do. All characters and elements are copyright SEGA 2001-2002.
All rights preserved.
Okay, this is a spoof of SA2. This time, it's going to be extremely random. Don't like,
don't read. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Chapter 1: Escape from Cheese Puffs
Ahh...Station Square. All the crime, car crashes, earthquakes, simmering volcanoes,
and evil maniacs you could imagine! All this and I'm still wondering why it only costs
five cents to get a vacation there!
A man (let's just call him Frank) was flying a helicopter over the city as he was reporting
to the G.U.N. Commanding Officer. He told the non-existent co-pilot to take the "blades" as he
entered the non-existent bathroom. When he came out, he was puzzled. Why? He had no clue why
the helicopter was crashing toward land! He regained control, however.
"Sigma eleventy-two headed southnorth over the city...captured gerbil aboard, around!" said
Frank.
"This is the Commanding Officer! I do not read your logic, over!" was the reply.
"It's simple! You just add the number 11 plus jellybeans! Then for the directions, you add
south plus north plus 8 minus 10,000 gummy bears, behind!"
"You're supposed to say /over/, over!"
"I read you, over, over!"
"Shut up, over!"
"Over, over is the word, over over!"
"Over!"
"Not over over, around?"
"..."
The pilot suddenly went insane and did a homicidal dive into the city, not acknowledging
that he was the only one on board besides the gerbil and the hedgehog, which he didn't mention.
But one of the animals was smart at the time, because he busted out of the door and his spikes
got caught in the blades. The helicopter shredded the thing to pieces and debris flew all over
the city.
...Wait a minute...that was the gerbil. Later, the hedgehog jumped out like the gerbil did...
except for the blade part.
"No time for food or movies, I'm outta here!" said Sonic the Hedgehog as he grabbed his PSP
and some popcorn. Then a random horse called Cheese Puffs broke Sonic's PSP, and ate his
popcorn.
Sonic, realizing he had no other way of escape from the helicopter, jumped off like an
idiot and shouted a war cry in Egyptian heiroglyphics. After 3 hours of constant falling,
Sonic shouted something else.
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!" he shouted then hit the ground. "...Ow...I think I broke
something..."
He later recovered and started running around the city. He ran into a couple buildings,
but he eventually made it to a large inclined road...except he had to run downhill.
Still, he just stood there; the G.U.N. officials didn't seem to be chasing him anymore.
Suddenly, that horse called Cheese Puffs started chasing Sonic and he decided he had to
run for his life. He jumped off a ramp and...he landed safely. Then a giant G.U.N. truck
randomly fell on Cheese Puffs. And then an earthquake popped up and split the ground
where the truck was. The horse (already dead) and the truck driver fell to their doom, where
they were made slaves of the lava people, which strangely had a striking resemblance to
teddy bears dressed in punk rock shirts and ripped jeans.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I know it was a short chapter. Hopefully, the next chapters will be longer. Next up
is the ever-popular "Bat Girl" scene! Please R & R!
Written by Marcus McCloud
Concept 2002/Written 2006-07
Disclaimer: I do not own Sonic. Sonic Team and Sega
do. All characters and elements are copyright SEGA 2001-2002.
All rights preserved.
Okay, this is a spoof of SA2. This time, it's going to be extremely random. Don't like,
don't read. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Chapter 1: Escape from Cheese Puffs
Ahh...Station Square. All the crime, car crashes, earthquakes, simmering volcanoes,
and evil maniacs you could imagine! All this and I'm still wondering why it only costs
five cents to get a vacation there!
A man (let's just call him Frank) was flying a helicopter over the city as he was reporting
to the G.U.N. Commanding Officer. He told the non-existent co-pilot to take the "blades" as he
entered the non-existent bathroom. When he came out, he was puzzled. Why? He had no clue why
the helicopter was crashing toward land! He regained control, however.
"Sigma eleventy-two headed southnorth over the city...captured gerbil aboard, around!" said
Frank.
"This is the Commanding Officer! I do not read your logic, over!" was the reply.
"It's simple! You just add the number 11 plus jellybeans! Then for the directions, you add
south plus north plus 8 minus 10,000 gummy bears, behind!"
"You're supposed to say /over/, over!"
"I read you, over, over!"
"Shut up, over!"
"Over, over is the word, over over!"
"Over!"
"Not over over, around?"
"..."
The pilot suddenly went insane and did a homicidal dive into the city, not acknowledging
that he was the only one on board besides the gerbil and the hedgehog, which he didn't mention.
But one of the animals was smart at the time, because he busted out of the door and his spikes
got caught in the blades. The helicopter shredded the thing to pieces and debris flew all over
the city.
...Wait a minute...that was the gerbil. Later, the hedgehog jumped out like the gerbil did...
except for the blade part.
"No time for food or movies, I'm outta here!" said Sonic the Hedgehog as he grabbed his PSP
and some popcorn. Then a random horse called Cheese Puffs broke Sonic's PSP, and ate his
popcorn.
Sonic, realizing he had no other way of escape from the helicopter, jumped off like an
idiot and shouted a war cry in Egyptian heiroglyphics. After 3 hours of constant falling,
Sonic shouted something else.
"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!" he shouted then hit the ground. "...Ow...I think I broke
something..."
He later recovered and started running around the city. He ran into a couple buildings,
but he eventually made it to a large inclined road...except he had to run downhill.
Still, he just stood there; the G.U.N. officials didn't seem to be chasing him anymore.
Suddenly, that horse called Cheese Puffs started chasing Sonic and he decided he had to
run for his life. He jumped off a ramp and...he landed safely. Then a giant G.U.N. truck
randomly fell on Cheese Puffs. And then an earthquake popped up and split the ground
where the truck was. The horse (already dead) and the truck driver fell to their doom, where
they were made slaves of the lava people, which strangely had a striking resemblance to
teddy bears dressed in punk rock shirts and ripped jeans.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I know it was a short chapter. Hopefully, the next chapters will be longer. Next up
is the ever-popular "Bat Girl" scene! Please R & R!
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