One-shot. Sirius reflects back on painful memories at Grimmauld Place. Sirius is still alive post-OotP so it's AU.
Characters: Sirius, Remus, Harry. Allusions to James and Lily.
Rating: PG or PG-13
Warnings: fluff, implied slash (Sirius x Remus)
Disclaimer: I own nothing except the plot. The HP universe belongs to J.K.R.
Summary: Sirius reflects on a painful day and memories. Harry and Remus comfort him.
Sirius Black sat in the window of his upstairs bedroom at 12 Grimmauld Place. He had come out from behind the veil yesterday. But instead of landing in the Department of Mysteries, he'd landed in the kitchen at his ancestral home. His godson Harry, and his werewolf lover Remus had thrown themselves on him in joy. Everyone had thought he was dead.
He'd been gone for two weeks, and the Ministry of Magic had cleared his name. He didn't remember a single thing from the past two weeks in that veil, but it was probably good for his sanity that he didn't.
He heard footsteps behind him. A set of arms wrapped around him to enfold him in a hug. Just by the smell of cool summer air he knew it was Harry. "I missed you when you were gone Sirius. I cried every night. I kept seeing you go through that veil over and over. You look like something's bothering you. What's wrong?" Sirius looked out at the quarter moon. He sighed. Might as well tell Harry.
"Today would have been Lily and James' 17th wedding anniversary. You know Harry, in a way I betrayed them just as much as Peter. I was so worried that Voldemort would come after me to get to you and Lily and James. I felt that I was too weak to be their Secret Keeper. But in reality, I was just scared. So I let Peter do it, and lo and behold on Halloween 1981, Voldemort kills them. Since I told no one that I'd made Peter the Keeper, everyone thought I was the traitor and it gave Peter the perfect opportunity to frame me. You know what really eats at me though? The last thing I ever said to your father.
We had an argument. I don't remember what it was about. But as I walked out of the house at Godric's Hollow, the last thing I said to James was 'I hope you drop dead and rot in hell.' I regret those words. The last time I see him alive, and I wish him dead and in hell. I'm the one who deserves to rot there, not James." He was sobbing as he finished, and Harry just held him. When he was done, Sirius looked up at him.
"You must hate me. I don't blame you, I'd hate me too." Harry just looked him in the eyes. Instead of hate or disgust, he saw compassion and forgiveness.
"No Sirius, I could never hate you. I'm sure my Dad knows you didn't mean it. And I know you didn't mean it. I love you like a father Siri. You and Remus are the closest I've ever had to a father. I could never hate you. Now come on, let's get to bed. It's late."
He led Sirius to his bed, and Remus walked in. "You okay Sirius?" Remus walked over and cupped his face in his hands.
"Yeah I'm fine. Just today is James and Lily's 17th wedding anniversary." Harry went and kissed both on the cheek goodnight.
"Don't feel so guilty Siri. And you Remus, take care of him. I'll see you both in the morning." As soon as he was gone, Remus guided Sirius into bed. He hugged him tightly to him.
"Good night Sirius." Remus' breath was warm on his neck.
"Good night Remus." He felt better as he went to sleep; with Remus at his back he felt safe. But as he closed his eyes, he thought he heard James whispering to him.
"I forgive you Siri. I love you my brother in crime, my Padfoot."