Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > This Bitter Pill
Pete felt his mouth get dry and he wanted it to stop. The beeping had stopped and it had been replaced by a low, long tone. He blinked, no. No! She isn't...she can't be. Minutes later the room became a busy area, people frantically shooting jolts of electricity into her body and trying to get her to breath. Pete backed away from the mess slowly; he knew it was too late. He felt her soul floating above his head and let the tears easily flow down his face. That was it, she was really gone. He looked up at the empty space above the bed in which she was lying and whispered, "I'm always going to love you."
**********
He sat amidst a mess of clothes, broken picture frames and anything else he could reach to hurl across his bedroom...their bedroom. He had left the hospital after being able to spend a few last minutes by her side. He couldn't believe it. All the fantasies he had about marrying her and starting a family with her were now only that, they would never materialize. He came home to his empty, quiet house and walked up the stairs. He stood and stared at the spot where he made love to her only three days ago. He let it sink in and broke down. He proceeded to grab everything in his sight and throw it, angry at God for taking her, and angry at himself for letting her believe he wanted nothing more to do to her. He was upset that the last thing he ever did to her was yell at her. But he recalled his final sentence to her was, "I'm the only man who was ever going to love you without boundaries or excuses."
He didn't know where to turn anymore. She was the only one he had confided in, in years and now he felt lost. She would never again be able to tell him what he needed to hear, he was never again going to be able to hold her and tell her he loved her. He was never again to be able to make love to her and smell her hair fresh out of the shower. He lay down and turned his head to see the picture she had brought him while he was in the hospital, the frame had cracked amidst his anger. He picked it up and carefully slid the picture out of the broken frame and looked at it.
"FUCK!" he screamed into the empty house. He sat up and held the picture to his heart, he didn't want to believe it was over; he missed her too much already. He didn't move for what felt like hours, until he realized that one other person needed to know what had happened to her.
************
Patrick hung up the phone and set it down gently. What Pete had just tearfully told him had yet to sink in. Dead? Corbin was...
"Holy shit," Patrick whispered to himself. He put his head down and began to cry, he hadn't loved a girl the way he loved her ever in his life. He never regretted a moment with her, not a single second. He was still angry with her for doing this. She had no idea that even though the amount of people who were going to miss her was minimal; the people she did touch were never going to be able to recover. You don't just get over someone like Corbin. Patrick sobbed at the thought that the last thing he did was try to give his heart to her, only to second guess the decision and leave her alone long enough too...then it hit him. This, all of this, was his fault.
The fact that Corbin was dead was his fault. The fact that his daughter was dead was his fault. He roughly shoved his chair back and let it bang against the wall behind him and stormed out of the office. He walked into the nursery and sat on the rocking chair and just stared, his face scrunching up every now and then to let a fresh batch of tears flow. He stood up and walked to the crib dragging the soft blanket away from the tiny mattress. He held it to himself and cried into it, thinking about all of the things that should have been and now will never be.
That vision Corbin had had of him sitting in this very chair, singing softly to their baby, it wasn't going to happen. The vision he had of watching his beautiful daughter sleep peacefully was something he was never going to get to see. The sounds of 3am feedings and the smell of diaper changes, they weren't going to happen. Patrick felt inconsolable suddenly; feeling like this was a rut he was never going to be able to pull out of. He missed her, and he wanted nothing more then to be able to tell her what she meant to him, he did regret not saying something sooner.
******
Pete sat at his parent's kitchen table; his family was surrounding him, trying their best to make him feel ok, but knowing that it was an impossible task. They all knew what she meant to Pete, and could find no real words of comfort to offer him. He thought maybe they would be able to put her death into perspective, but they were of no help. There was absolutely no reason she had to die. He laid his head down on the table and let himself cry some more, feeling his sister place her arm around him and lay her head on his shoulder.
********
The weather was beautiful, and Corbin's body was being lowered into the ground. Patrick and Pete both stood quietly near her casket, neither of them feeling like they were going to be able to walk away from her. Pete had a sudden urge to bury himself with her; he didn't know how he was going to carry on.
Patrick waited for Pete to say something and when he didn't, he gently laid his daughter's pale pink baby blanket on top of Corbin's closed casket. He wanted her to have it, he knew Corbin was up there with their daughter and felt grateful that they were finally able to spend forever together.
Pete watched solemnly as Patrick placed the blanket on the casket. He didn't like this at all. He wanted her to come up behind him and wrap her arms around his stomach like she always did and rest her head on his shoulder so he could feel her breath on his neck. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and hold her and protect her from herself and everyone around her. He wanted to feel the softness of her lips; he wanted to feel the heat from her body. He was so tired of crying, he felt like it was all he had been doing for the past two weeks. But he couldn't help it.
Pete walked forward and copied Patrick's motions, but placing the picture of them together that she gave him in the hospital carefully on top of the blanket. He looked at it one last time, taking in the smile on her face and the love in her eyes...
A few days later, Pete rummaged through a few old boxes filled with pictures and videos spanning over a few years. Many of the pictures of him and Corbin, along with Fall Out Boy and his family and friends. Most of them made him happy that he was able to share moments like that with her, some of them making him cry because it was something he wished he could be doing with her right now.
He sat down on his couch and put a tape in that he had found from two years ago, when they had first gotten back together after Corbin's eighteenth birthday. They were standing by the crappy Fall Out Boy van, Dirty was prompting them to give their predictions for the New 2005 Year ahead. Pete had his left arm draped over Corbin's shoulders and he looked at her as he pondered the question.
"Well, first of all, I want you to know that I love this girl. And that is my ultimate prediction for next year. That I will love her just the same a year from now as I do right now. And secondly, I predict that Fall Out Boy will rule the fucking world! We will be the biggest band ever and everyone will hate us, but they will all buy our album because they are just a bunch of fucking liars!" he said. Pete rolled his eyes at his stupidity, he made no sense whatsoever.
"How about you, sexy? What do you want to happen next year?" Dirty then asked, shoving the camera in Corbin's face. Pete felt his eyes well up with tears at the site of her biting her lip and thinking. Her hair was blowing in the nighttime air and she never failed to take Pete's breath away.
"Well, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to quit drinking and I'm going to love this man for the rest of my life. Oh! And Fall Out Boy is going to get nominated for a Grammy and win every moon man at the VMA's!" she said, giggling lightly. Pete turned his head to look at her and smiled.
"Do you see why I love this girl, Dirty? She's a fucking genius! I love you baby," he said, and Pete knew watching this that this was one of those moments that happened a lot when he looked into her eyes. In this exact moment, no one else mattered but him and Corbin. Nothing and no one else existed, not even Dirty or the video camera that he was holding. She smiled at him shyly, their eyes locking in a loving gaze. They both leaned in and pressed their lips together. Pete shifted on his couch and pressed pause. He stared at the image of him and Corbin kissing for a long time. He missed her more then words could describe but he finally felt peace at that moment, he knew she was in the room with him, he knew he had finally gained a guardian angel that was going to protect him until his dying day. He knew that someday he was going to see her again, and be able to hold her once more. God put them together for a reason and one day they were going to be able to spend the eternity together that he promised her years ago. Pete glanced once more at the image on his TV screen, and then shut his eyes, making sure it was the last thing he looked at before committing to sleep. His dream provided him with one last vision of her and one last phrase,
"I love you, Peter. Forever and always."
**********
He sat amidst a mess of clothes, broken picture frames and anything else he could reach to hurl across his bedroom...their bedroom. He had left the hospital after being able to spend a few last minutes by her side. He couldn't believe it. All the fantasies he had about marrying her and starting a family with her were now only that, they would never materialize. He came home to his empty, quiet house and walked up the stairs. He stood and stared at the spot where he made love to her only three days ago. He let it sink in and broke down. He proceeded to grab everything in his sight and throw it, angry at God for taking her, and angry at himself for letting her believe he wanted nothing more to do to her. He was upset that the last thing he ever did to her was yell at her. But he recalled his final sentence to her was, "I'm the only man who was ever going to love you without boundaries or excuses."
He didn't know where to turn anymore. She was the only one he had confided in, in years and now he felt lost. She would never again be able to tell him what he needed to hear, he was never again going to be able to hold her and tell her he loved her. He was never again to be able to make love to her and smell her hair fresh out of the shower. He lay down and turned his head to see the picture she had brought him while he was in the hospital, the frame had cracked amidst his anger. He picked it up and carefully slid the picture out of the broken frame and looked at it.
"FUCK!" he screamed into the empty house. He sat up and held the picture to his heart, he didn't want to believe it was over; he missed her too much already. He didn't move for what felt like hours, until he realized that one other person needed to know what had happened to her.
************
Patrick hung up the phone and set it down gently. What Pete had just tearfully told him had yet to sink in. Dead? Corbin was...
"Holy shit," Patrick whispered to himself. He put his head down and began to cry, he hadn't loved a girl the way he loved her ever in his life. He never regretted a moment with her, not a single second. He was still angry with her for doing this. She had no idea that even though the amount of people who were going to miss her was minimal; the people she did touch were never going to be able to recover. You don't just get over someone like Corbin. Patrick sobbed at the thought that the last thing he did was try to give his heart to her, only to second guess the decision and leave her alone long enough too...then it hit him. This, all of this, was his fault.
The fact that Corbin was dead was his fault. The fact that his daughter was dead was his fault. He roughly shoved his chair back and let it bang against the wall behind him and stormed out of the office. He walked into the nursery and sat on the rocking chair and just stared, his face scrunching up every now and then to let a fresh batch of tears flow. He stood up and walked to the crib dragging the soft blanket away from the tiny mattress. He held it to himself and cried into it, thinking about all of the things that should have been and now will never be.
That vision Corbin had had of him sitting in this very chair, singing softly to their baby, it wasn't going to happen. The vision he had of watching his beautiful daughter sleep peacefully was something he was never going to get to see. The sounds of 3am feedings and the smell of diaper changes, they weren't going to happen. Patrick felt inconsolable suddenly; feeling like this was a rut he was never going to be able to pull out of. He missed her, and he wanted nothing more then to be able to tell her what she meant to him, he did regret not saying something sooner.
******
Pete sat at his parent's kitchen table; his family was surrounding him, trying their best to make him feel ok, but knowing that it was an impossible task. They all knew what she meant to Pete, and could find no real words of comfort to offer him. He thought maybe they would be able to put her death into perspective, but they were of no help. There was absolutely no reason she had to die. He laid his head down on the table and let himself cry some more, feeling his sister place her arm around him and lay her head on his shoulder.
********
The weather was beautiful, and Corbin's body was being lowered into the ground. Patrick and Pete both stood quietly near her casket, neither of them feeling like they were going to be able to walk away from her. Pete had a sudden urge to bury himself with her; he didn't know how he was going to carry on.
Patrick waited for Pete to say something and when he didn't, he gently laid his daughter's pale pink baby blanket on top of Corbin's closed casket. He wanted her to have it, he knew Corbin was up there with their daughter and felt grateful that they were finally able to spend forever together.
Pete watched solemnly as Patrick placed the blanket on the casket. He didn't like this at all. He wanted her to come up behind him and wrap her arms around his stomach like she always did and rest her head on his shoulder so he could feel her breath on his neck. He wanted to run his fingers through her hair and hold her and protect her from herself and everyone around her. He wanted to feel the softness of her lips; he wanted to feel the heat from her body. He was so tired of crying, he felt like it was all he had been doing for the past two weeks. But he couldn't help it.
Pete walked forward and copied Patrick's motions, but placing the picture of them together that she gave him in the hospital carefully on top of the blanket. He looked at it one last time, taking in the smile on her face and the love in her eyes...
A few days later, Pete rummaged through a few old boxes filled with pictures and videos spanning over a few years. Many of the pictures of him and Corbin, along with Fall Out Boy and his family and friends. Most of them made him happy that he was able to share moments like that with her, some of them making him cry because it was something he wished he could be doing with her right now.
He sat down on his couch and put a tape in that he had found from two years ago, when they had first gotten back together after Corbin's eighteenth birthday. They were standing by the crappy Fall Out Boy van, Dirty was prompting them to give their predictions for the New 2005 Year ahead. Pete had his left arm draped over Corbin's shoulders and he looked at her as he pondered the question.
"Well, first of all, I want you to know that I love this girl. And that is my ultimate prediction for next year. That I will love her just the same a year from now as I do right now. And secondly, I predict that Fall Out Boy will rule the fucking world! We will be the biggest band ever and everyone will hate us, but they will all buy our album because they are just a bunch of fucking liars!" he said. Pete rolled his eyes at his stupidity, he made no sense whatsoever.
"How about you, sexy? What do you want to happen next year?" Dirty then asked, shoving the camera in Corbin's face. Pete felt his eyes well up with tears at the site of her biting her lip and thinking. Her hair was blowing in the nighttime air and she never failed to take Pete's breath away.
"Well, I'm going to go to college. I'm going to quit drinking and I'm going to love this man for the rest of my life. Oh! And Fall Out Boy is going to get nominated for a Grammy and win every moon man at the VMA's!" she said, giggling lightly. Pete turned his head to look at her and smiled.
"Do you see why I love this girl, Dirty? She's a fucking genius! I love you baby," he said, and Pete knew watching this that this was one of those moments that happened a lot when he looked into her eyes. In this exact moment, no one else mattered but him and Corbin. Nothing and no one else existed, not even Dirty or the video camera that he was holding. She smiled at him shyly, their eyes locking in a loving gaze. They both leaned in and pressed their lips together. Pete shifted on his couch and pressed pause. He stared at the image of him and Corbin kissing for a long time. He missed her more then words could describe but he finally felt peace at that moment, he knew she was in the room with him, he knew he had finally gained a guardian angel that was going to protect him until his dying day. He knew that someday he was going to see her again, and be able to hold her once more. God put them together for a reason and one day they were going to be able to spend the eternity together that he promised her years ago. Pete glanced once more at the image on his TV screen, and then shut his eyes, making sure it was the last thing he looked at before committing to sleep. His dream provided him with one last vision of her and one last phrase,
"I love you, Peter. Forever and always."
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