I don't know what you'd call us. We embrace, we kiss, we've even...well, you can't really call it 'making love' if you don't know if there's any love involved. We've done all those things, but nothing is ever said about 'us'. We don't see other people, but then again, who is there to see? I feel strongly for Paine; I know that much. Strongly enough to lust after her, strongly enough to seek out her embrace and her lips. I guess she feels the same, since she pretty much always returns the favors.
If there isn't love involved...then why did it all start? It can't be a long-oppressed attraction; I'd never felt anything for her beyond a strong friendship. I remember our first kiss...it wasn't magical or anything like Yunie had described her and Tidus' first kiss. At least, that's not how I'd describe it. It was...warm...and for a few moments, I felt more complete than I had ever felt in my life. Ok, so maybe it was a little magical...
It all happened that day that Yunie found Tidus again. Or that night, really. Those two lovebirds were back in their tent, and as not to invade their privacy, Paine and I took a walk on the beaches of Besaid. The sun had long set and the cries of gulls had been replaced by the chirping of crickets and the gentle crashing of waves on the shore. She and I started to talking...about...stuff. Stuff like happiness, love, meaning. At some point she stopped to look at the moon rising over the ocean, and I turned around to face her. She looked over to me and smiled slightly; and she was beautiful...and...
Before I knew it, my back was pressed against the sand and Paine was on top of me, our lips locked in a passionate kiss as I entangled my hands in her hair. I remember how happy I was, how good her arms around my waist felt, holding me against the warmth of her body, how refreshing the water lapping at my feet was...it was all so...
It sounds like love. I think. But I'm not one to start a commitment to just one person that fast. And I never thought Paine to be the...romantic type. But...when I taste her lips, I just want to vanish inside her kiss. So poetic... Could it really be love? I mean...if it wasn't, would I be thinking about it this often?
I snap back into reality when I realize I've been zoning out while sitting on my bed.
She's always the first thing on your mind, Rikku. You're in l-
My conscience is cut off as I hear the door to the cabin slide open. I hop off my bed and run over to the railing, hoping it's who I think it is...but it's not. Just Barkeep. I sigh disappointedly, then make my way down the steps. Looking at the clock, it's already 7:00...and I haven't eaten since that morning, but it doesn't really matter; there are other things on my mind; things more important than food.
Still not sure of Paine's location, my feet find their way to the lift which then carries me to the deck. I step onto the bright red runway turned burgundy by the setting sun, greeted with the whipping wind created by the velocity of the Celsius. Sighing again, I make my way to the silver gull emblem a few feet ahead of me, then lean against it and watch the ocean pass slowly below. It all seems so irrelevant, though; from the golden sky to the ocean beneath; nothing feels...complete. Why have I been acting like this? I'm supposed to be the unconditionally happy one!
You know why you're acting like this.
I shake my head to clear my thoughts, and just as I turn around to head back inside, arms encircle my waist and I feel warm lips press gingerly against mine. I give in without question, falling against the warm body, lips softening to those so recently introduced to them. And it all comes together; the golden sky, the blue sea...they're only there to add to moments like these. And then I realize...
You love her.
I love her.
I tilt my head to the side, reluctantly breaking the kiss as I rest my head on her shoulder, standing on my toes to better reach her.
I have to tell her...to find out if she feels the same. But what if she doesn't? I don't want this to end...but I don't want to take the chance of this being one-sided either. Both possibilities worry - no- scare me. I never knew I could feel like this. Not towards anyone. This feeling, this strange feeling that says her existence validates everything. And then I realize...it doesn't matter if she loves me or not. Just as long as she's happy...
I close my eyes, burying my face into the warm crook of her neck. She holds me there, our breathing slowly becoming matched, our bodies seemingly one.
More poetic crap...I really gotta get this off my chest...
But before I can say anything, I find myself turning around in her arms, facing forward. I spread my arms slightly, feeling the air rush under them followed by her arms sliding up from my waist to around my torso. A chill slides down my spine as her warm, wet lips plant butterfly kisses across my neck and shoulders, her teeth loosening the scarf around my neck.
You love this. You love her.
"Paine..." I begin, my voice much weaker than I'd like it to be.
"Hmm?" She murmurs, the gentle vibration of her voice so intoxicating against my skin. My eyes slide shut again as I tilt my head back against her lips.
"Paine, I...I think I...love you."
Liar. You don't think it. You know.
"...E muja oui." Her lips against my neck pause and I feel them yield to the skin, then her arms fall from around my waist and I hear her footsteps heading for the opposite direction. I quickly turn around and reach for her, but she is out of my grip. I feel a slight twinge of relief when she stops a few feet away, then turns around to face me with a heavy sigh. Her voice reverting back to her normal monotone, she speaks.
"Well, this is going to cause problems."
"Is it?" My voice falters slightly as I feel my heart sink in my chest. But...as long as she's happy...
She nods, her face still straight.
"Like where were will our first date be? I'm terrible at things like that." Her lips crack into a small smile and she opens her arms to me. I can't help but laugh as I run to her as she offers, my smile possibly exceeding the size of my face. I then feel warm droplets roll down my cheeks; tears that had started as heartbroken, transformed into tears of joy, but they are quickly lost to the warm skin of Paine's shoulder as I hold her close to me, pressing kisses against her neck and collarbone.
It all feels different now; from her embrace to her warmth to the rising and falling of her chest as she breathes...as if just knowing my feelings for her are mutual unlocks to gates of heaven...
So much poetic nonsense...damn, Rikku, you really are head over heels.
...I know I am.
We both pull back, then lean forward again, this time meeting in a kiss. A gentle kiss, a loving one; unlike any we have ever shared before. And then that happiness I had felt sporadically when I had been with her before, back when it was just 'fling' floods my system, and I know it's here to stay.
Sign up to rate and review this story