(#) vividplastic 2007-04-10That was quite a jump.
In just a few chapters they go from horrible first impressions to almost lovers. The band has been away for majority of this story and your main characters spent very little "alone" time together. You had quite a few typos and grammatical errors in the past chapters. Also with your plot it's implausible; from what I've seen there is nothing to support the pairing in this story. But what I can say that if you're disregarding all of that, you've got yourself something. I'm pushing myself to read on because I know that this is somehow a diamond in the rough. It's difficult working with characters that actually exist and it's interesting how you've depicted them. What struck me as odd almost is their speech. At times it's quite formal and at others it's very lax and there are signs of slang. Consistency with their behaviors would be nice. I adore Donna, she's such a character. Monica's daughter having a romantic interest with Bob? He's an adult, that's quite a stretch, or are you just giving her mother grief. Anyhow I'm interested to see how you'll close this and I'll stick with it. Thanks for posting your story AlexSanDee.
Author's responseThank you for your review I appreciate your opinion. I must say that I recently reread the first chapters of this story and I know they were far from perfect. I was just starting out and I think that over the course of these last 5 months I've gotten to be a much better writer. The speech patterns the characters use has improved mainly because I have watched and listened to so many interviews by the band. As for the characters not seeming like a pair I think it is a case of unexplainable attraction. Many times people who don't seem right for each other are attracted to each other. I really hope you stick with the story, it does get better I believe. Anyway thanks again for your thoughts. - SanDee
Sign up to review this story.