Set after the Final Judgment, confusion plagues Touya as he contemplates on his feelings for Yukito. Shounen Ai. Oneshot.
Anime-based timeline: way long after the Final Judgment, a little before Touya gives his magical powers to Yukito. One-shot. Shounen Ai. Reviews greatly appreciated! CC's please!
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own Card Captor Sakura and its characters, CLAMP does.
To Aoshi-sama... before you vanish from life forever, once again.
Your skin. Pale, white. Smooth as snow.
The most beautiful I've ever seen...
Touched. Caressed. Kissed. But only in my dreams.
I shook my mind forcibly out of the reverie that I've only been too carelessly brazen enough to allow myself into. This isn't probably the time or place for such thoughts; as we thread our way back home down the empty street, having finished our shift at the coffee shop.
And yet--I find it difficult to tear my eyes off of you, even while you talk animatedly about my little sister's misadventure earlier that day. Only somewhat relieved that you were only too busy to notice the slight tinge of pink on my cheeks, as I stole one last glance, mesmerized by the gentle ray of moonlight that lingers on your face.
As you continue to relate your story about Sakura, some part of me itched with ridiculous jealously over the attention that you indulged on her. You've always been aware of the fervor of her admiration for you; though constantly brushing it off as some schoolgirl crush that she'd eventually grow out of.
"As soon as she realizes who her Most Important Person is," you say to me once, a mirthful reassurance reflected in your amber eyes, "I wouldn't worry. It wouldn't hurt if I cajole her a bit."
But then again, you were always nice to Sakura; she's as much as a sister to you as she is rightfully mine. You never meant to hurt her, and she loves you for that. I suppose that was what drew me closer to you: the pure kindness in your heart, the innocent radiance of your soul.
My heart felt heavy as soon as that thought crossed my mind. I realized, it could as well be the fact that you're not human to begin with. And these feelings, this desire for you, that keeps me awake most nights, might just as well be the magic that I sense in you. But I couldn't bring myself to tell you what I know. Mostly because I didn't want to believe it to be true. And for once I would like to be without my powers, if only to find out what truly causes my attraction towards you.
My confusion must have shown, pulsing an energy between us, because you suddenly fell quiet and I felt your eyes on me. But I didn't dare return your gaze. I'm afraid you might see what truly lies within it. Despite being the best of friends for a long time, this is one weakness I have cleverly hidden from you. Instead, I focus my attention on the road ahead of us, bathed in silvery light; if I concentrate hard enough on walking, you wouldn't worry.
But still, being Yukito, you did.
Your voice. Gentle, soothing. Like the voice of an angel.
I lose myself whenever you call my name.
My own can never match yours. It usually comes out more like a grunt a monkey would make, rather than a casual response. You watch me intently, probably discerning my deep expression; I keep my eyes fixed on the road. It gave me a bit of time to conceal whatever my heart would reveal lest you move nearer.
"Daijoubu ka, To-ya?"
My head didn't seem to want to obey my mind any longer--or perhaps it had been my heart who gave the command? I turn my face towards you, the smallest of smiles curving up my lips.
"Aa." I answer as coolly as I can. Lightly placing a hand on your head, I let my fingers playfully ruffle your grayish-blonde hair, "You worry too much, Yuki."
You seem to contemplate on my response for a moment, unsure if you would believe me, catching my eyes for any betrayal of thought. I guess I'm still good at hiding, because your worried expression softened and you beamed warmly at me.
"I'm-" Caught mid-sentence as a yawn passed your lips, I couldn't help but stare even as you place a hand over it. My skin prickled, a tingling sensation ran down my spine. Feeling blood creeping up my cheeks once more, I instantly looked away.
You suddenly came to a halt beside me, rubbing your eyes vigorously. When another yawn arose from your chest, I notice your skin turning more ashen, and the clothes that you wore nearly transparent. /It's happening again, I realized in alarm-every time you feel exhaustion, it's as if you also grow fainter. And it has become quite more frequent lately. Panic rose to my throat as I watch your form fade from my sight.
Instinctively grabbing your wrist, I prayed to the gods that what was happening cannot be real. The mere thought of you disappearing from my life terrifies me completely; I don't think I would be able to take it if it actually happens. I can't let them take you away from me... Not now, not when that I finally realize my feelings for you... Not even until after I've told you...
The rapid throbbing inside my chest gradually slowed down a bit when I felt the heat of your skin under my grasp. Nevertheless, I didn't dare let it go. Even while you look at me in askance, a light blush painting the core of your cheeks.
My heart skipped a beat as my name passed through your lips once more. All of a sudden I felt bold, I felt daring. Without as much hesitation, I took you inside my arms in one fleeting movement, wrapping one arm around your slim waist, and burying my face in the warm recesses of your neck.
I felt you stiffen for a second, caught unawares of my impulsive actions. Eventually though, you relaxed and promptly moved further inside the embrace. My other hand still held your wrist; but you somehow were able to wriggle out of it, entwining your fingers with mine as you bring our hands in between us. Blissful euphoria overtook me as the realization of our bodies pressed together like this sink in. Your presence is intoxicating enough; to be surrounded by you is heaven.
"Don't fade away from me, Yuki." I muttered inside the embrace, feeling weak, "Promise me."
A soft chuckle bubbled up somewhere inside you, as you stroke my hair with your free hand. I squeeze you tighter, closer to me if possible, when you didn't reply at once. The lack of your response scares me more than what had occurred earlier.
"Don't... go." I heard my voice broke in emotion.
"I won't." Your tone ardent, confident and reassuring.
Seconds passed, minutes gone by. We stayed together that way, standing quietly in the middle of the street, clinging to each other. And for how long I wouldn't know, I didn't care. I just don't want you to disappear.
Slowly, reluctantly, I slacken my hold on you and tore myself away. Your breathing was steady, your fingers stop short entangled in my hair. Your cheek was propped comfortably on my shoulders, eyes delicately closed and a contented smile carved on your mouth.
The confusion lifted away from me like a cloud after the rain. There is nothing else that I need at that moment, there is no need for me to doubt any more. It was the magic that probably brought you to me and into my life, but it was of my own volition to fall for you.
Still, I would like for you to hear it for yourself in the morning... I thought happily as I lift you up and carried you in my arms. Smirking smugly all the way home as I allowed myself the next thought that came to mind/...When you wake up and find me next to you.