The protagonist is faced with one of the most horrible situations from his past. Some light is shed on his pre-FOB/ teenage life.
(#) whatkatydid 2006-12-07 05:57:35 AMAlex, new level, you truly are amazing. The scene at the beginning was moving, I love how you use that knowledge to give us insight into something we couldn't possibly understand. The depth you added to Laura was beautiful. I love imperfections but I do find them hard to write, you don't, you write them how they should be done, like it's normal. Because they are.
/With her trademark calm voice and patience like an angel she sat me down and explained to me that even though she couldn't imagine a life without riding anymore, she also couldn't imagine a life without me anymore. That horses meant the world to her, but that I was her world. That she loved sitting on Shiva but that she loved it even more if I was around to watch her. Way to play to the ego of young Pete Wentz, I can tell you that.
/ I just smiled inside at this bit.
When Pete was talking to her Mom, that was intense and then Laura's cheeriness just reminded the readers of the type of character she is. /Cheerful, as if she didn't know it any other way.
/ That was powerful.
The last section for me was moving, that's why I've rated it is as that, I think because when he says "I hate you" you note that he looks in the mirror and at his reflection and that it hadn't changed...but clearly he has changed, inside, his mechanical thinking, his processing of accounts in his life. Maybe I'm reading too deep into it but even if I am, let me enjoy it because I'm so impressed right now, i'm running out of ways to kiss your ass.
Hoping the sickness is having minimal effect on you my dear wife. Speak soon.
Author's responseI feel like an asshole (spice) for not having more to say than: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS REVIEW, WIFEY! :)))
Way to play to the ego of silly FrostedGlass, I can tell you that. DoJhug
P.S.: You're right about the "Inner Pete" being in a state of change. ;)
(#) -LoVe-CaNt-SaVe-YoU- 2006-12-07 10:56:46 AMaaaaaaahhhhhhhh where is this going?! is he really dead? update soon i need to know!
Author's responseHm, 'fraid to say that this isn't really going anywhere. The "hellhole" it will be for the rest of the story. Does that kinda answer your question? If not then I'm doing my job correctly. ;)
Thanks for the r&r and putting up with my authorial meanness. :)
(#) xloveorsympathy 2006-12-07 02:10:48 PMhey, can you get me some Kleenex? that one seriously made me tear up. wow,i haha dont know what to say expect for wow, the wow when i say it means alot of things , all those good words i cant think of like awesome,excellent,omgomgomg that was like soooo wicked awesome! you know it goes on and on.
sigh, it was deep. at least i thought it was. very excellently ( is that a word?.. i think it is ha i dunno) written. i know this review prob sucks (lol), i just dont really know what to say, besides that it was wow.
Author's responseHm, I'm the kind of person who just slaps on a "-ly" to any kind of adjective (or word in general, for that matter) and pretends it's a real adjective.
Plonky review, thank you! Nothing beats an honest "wow". :) (Except for an honest "plonk" perhaps.)
(#) MusicxisxHearts 2006-12-07 03:46:23 PMOMG horses!!! You definitely earn big bonus points just for that. This chapter was really moving. Please update soon!
Author's responseHorse-back riding is the next best thing to music and writing crappy fan fic. A head-to-head with PLONK.
Thank you for your encouraging review! :)
(#) pixied_secrets 2006-12-07 07:06:09 PMyou are kicking other writers in the balls with this one. visualize that.
the scenes that are shown via the television are perfect, because they don't reveal the whole situation, but rater help lead pete to a place where he can do that for himself and reminisce. in turn, that describes his feelings toward it and we get to hear it from pete's point of view. it would have been easier for you to write the scene with laura falling off the horse, but you took the road less traveled and it's way more scenic. it was beautifully written.
the story flows seamlessly. pete's inner termoil makes me swoon- the way he seems to be looking deeper into himself and developing a different view of things.
We could have been so happy together. Even without music, even without Fall out Boy. very powerful. his whole life revolves around fall out boy, and he seemed to be more or less addicted to the attention he received from that. but he seems like he would disregard it for her.
feel better soon, asshole spice. take a rating point, too.
Author's responseThat's why they call me Neuter-Alex. (At least inside of my head "they" do.)
Your review makes me happy and kicks my illness in the balls. (Join my club? 35% off of soccer shoes with spikes to get the job done more efficiently.)
- Alex, my love, marry me? This story is just so...different. I love it. Pete's back to his asshole ways, I see. But I think this whole experience will change that. My only problem is Laura. She seemed so nice and so perfect for Pete...you just had to confine her to a wheel chair. You're sick...but I heart you anyway. I'm curious to see how things ended with her. I hope it was better than what happened to Caren. The poor dear...and her burnt lasagna(did I spell that right?) Update soon. :0 There's more where that came from ;)
Author's responseHm, me likes those bribes. They're even better than roofies...
Thanks for the r&r, DoJ dude! :)