Categories > Books > Harry Potter > What Now, Severus?

Finding Each Other Again

by Emilie_D 1 review

How do you find lost memories? Or does it matter?

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Romance - Characters: Snape - Warnings: [!] - Published: 2006-12-10 - Updated: 2006-12-10 - 3017 words - Complete

1Funny
By Sunday evening, Severus saw no sign that Zelda was spontaneously recovering her memory. Their connection still existed, however, as deep as before.

Awake, she was adorably curious, clinging to every tiny thing she learned of him. But in bed she was learning to let her body remember his and became more confident. She feared this shocking change in her life, but she also glowed with happiness and had slept peacefully, snuggled against him.

He was cooking dinner while she worked steadily through the pile of work she'd brought home on Friday. He paused frequently to watch her, charmed by her intensity. She concentrated ferociously on each student's work, periodically shoving her spectacles back up on her nose. After three hours she flung her glasses and pen down, rubbing her forehead.

"Come to dinner," Severus suggested.

She stretched and rose stiffly from her chair. "It's enough. I'll never finish all of it, anyway." A slight frown lingered on her forehead.

He met her and kissed her softly, massaging her taut neck muscles when she sat down to dinner.

"Mmm... Thank you," she said. "The creatures can wait a day or two for their projects. I'll try not to be so anal retentive about staying on schedule."

"I apologize for distracting you," he said, but his lips twitched and he did not look repentant.

She grinned and began eating. "You're marvelous," she said. "But how long can you stay in my dreary little life? You must have magical business to attend to."

"Are you tired of me?" he asked reproachfully.

"What if I become hopelessly addicted to you and then you leave?" she asked, striving unsuccessfully for a light tone.

He realized that she was as insecure as he had been for most of his life. "I asked you to marry me after less than a week," he said softly. "Although it took some time to convince you."

"Oh..." she said blankly. She bit her lip nervously.

"Perhaps I shouldn't have told you. But I wish to be with you for the rest of my life." He gazed seriously at her. "Please eat, my girl."

They ate dinner in silence. Zelda was relieved that he didn't need small talk.

"Will you do me a favor?" she asked as they washed dishes together.

"Of course," he replied, before he saw faint mischief in her eyes.

"Will you check math for me?" she asked. "I think I can finish everything tonight if you'll help."

"May I use magic?"

"As long as it's correct, I don't give a rat's ass what you use," she replied impudently. "How's your algebra?"

"Adequate," he replied coldly.

She tossed her dishtowel down and hugged him. "I just harnessed a unicorn to a coal cart, didn't I?" she said. "It's just for tonight. I really want to catch up."

They worked side by side at the kitchen table. Severus flashed back in memory to studying Potions with Lily Evans as they worked. Zelda was reading through a pile of thick colorful folders, writing careful notes in each before putting them into a large box. He smiled at her seriousness and attention to detail. The math was a simple matter to check, leaving him time to watch her.

Zelda added the last project into the box, removed her glasses and smiled at him. "Was it awful?" she asked apologetically.

"I see that Muggle children are as incapable of writing legibly as wizard brats," he sneered.

"It's a sad thing," she agreed mockingly. "I feel better knowing it's done, though. Thanks."

They walked hand in hand to the bedroom.

"What if I never remember?" she suddenly asked anxiously. "What if you're wasting your time here?"

Severus knew she was worrying. It was the precise question he'd have worried over, if their positions were reversed.

"/Evanesco/," he murmured. He scooped her into his arms and deposited her by his side in bed. "That is up to you," he said softly. "I know you and I adore you. Since you loved me before, I must convince you to love me again."

"I'm not a trusting woman and I feel safest alone," she said. "But after two days with you, I..." she said painfully. She closed her eyes and pressed her face against shoulder. "I - I just don't know..."

"Michael will arrive soon, and hopes to help us," Severus murmured. "Please look at me."

Hope forced her to look up. "Can he help?"

"Dear girl, he insists that you have a happy ending," he said. "But we've been at war and some we wished to consult were not available."

"War," she said dully, shivering slightly. "Was I there?"

"Why do you ask?"

"My nightmares. I wake up crying, but don't know why."

"You were not to be there," he replied bitterly. "If not for me, you'd never have been endangered."

For two days Severus had been teasing and loving with her. The self-loathing in his voice revealed a grimmer side to him. "Can you tell me?" she asked, kissing his thin cheek.

"I cannot now." He looked into her eyes. "I was warned not to come yet, but ignored that advice out of pure selfishness."

"What selfishness is that?" she asked intently.

"Zelda, I missed you desperately. I wanted to see you at once and thought I could control myself." He continued in a low, shamed voice, "Obviously I failed."

"Failed?"

"You cannot remember me, but I forced myself into your bed in spite of that." He rubbed his burning eyes. "I caused your nightmare by giving you a potion to loosen the restraints on your mind, out of my own selfish wish for you to know me."

"What potion?" she asked. "You didn't tell me..."

"I did some research and thought it might help. I am sorry I did not tell you first," he said. "Please forgive me."

"Are you finished beating yourself up?" she asked acerbically. "I'm not a child and you've good reason to know I want you in my bed." She looked closely at his expressionless face and said, "Don't do that!"

"What?" he snapped, his heart racing.

"Freeze like that." Her blue eyes narrowed irritably, even as she snuggled against him. "Listen. This isn't ideal, because my memory of you is gone. But no one's ever been so eager to get me into bed." Her voice softened. "I haven't had a nightmare since you've been with me..." Here tears welled up in her eyes and her lips quivered. "I must have loved you, because I think I love you now and I'll hate it if you leave."

Her confession sent hope surging through him. "Zelda," he whispered. "I love you and I will not leave you." He kissed her and smiled encouragingly. "We belong together."

"Did we... did I really say I'd marry you?" she asked, studying his face.

He nodded. "Oh, yes, my love."

She traced the lines of his face gently, starting with his chin, touching his lips, running her finger over his eyebrow and finally down his nose. Those exploring fingers set his nerves tingling.

"What about... magic? I'm not magical. It's too confusing. I wish I could remember. I don't trust my own judgment," she said irritably. "Isn't there anything I can do?"

"You must work tomorrow," he murmured. "Regaining many weeks of memories, if done at once, will be traumatic. You'll need time to recover. Perhaps Friday we can try the potion I brought with me. If you are aware of it perhaps it will have more effect."

"It's a long time 'til Friday," she said sadly.

"My girl," he said wickedly, "when we're together, time will fly." He lifted her hand to his lips.

"You're the sexiest guy I can imagine," she said. "Oh, Severus, you're gorgeous."

He curled his lip, mocking her. "You knew more of me than anyone, yet you loved me. So I must believe you're sincere.

"It's been a wonderful weekend. But if I go to work tomorrow, will it turn out to have been a dream?"

"I shall be working on a solution to our problem, but I'll be here when you get home," he promised. "I'll spend time with Rowena."

"Did you know Rowena?" she asked, startled.

He kissed her nose and smiled. "Darling, I was the one who found her injured, Michael and I healed her and I, er... bestowed her on you. Now, stop wasting time being insecure and let me ravish you. I begrudge every hour you'll be away from me."

He rolled onto his back and put his hand on her waist, drawing her close. Their eyes met and his hand slid lower, caressing her thigh. "Come here, my girl," he coaxed, holding his arms out to her.

She smiled and slipped into his arms, lying on top of him and kissing his nose. "You're an amazing guy," she murmured, threading her fingers into his black hair. "Even without remembering anything, I love you madly, Severus. How can that be?" Her legs slid apart and she wriggled downward a bit, rubbing against him.

Merlin, she gave him such delight, he thought. His hands encouraged her progress, bringing an adorable moan of pleasure from her. He nipped lightly at his magical mark and she gasped, breathless and suddenly weak, as euphoria compounded her desire.

She felt as though she were melting from the inside out, so she mentally applauded when he rolled over and took charge. She caressed him with trembling hands.

"I never imagined being so happy. You delight me, Zelda, and I adore you," he said between kisses.

Her mind began opening to him as their bodies merged and even as he became lost in passion he saw a spark flare in her eyes. Then there was only ecstasy.

As she drifted toward sleep, Zelda's eyes opened lazily and she murmured, "Did I know you for a moment? I think I did." She smiled into his eyes. "Good night, my boy."


&&&&&&&&&


Severus was jerked awake by a hideous blaring voice that was shouting a Muggle news report. Blue electronic numbers said the time was six o'clock. It was dark.

"May I hex that bloody thing?" he snarled.

Zelda rolled over and slammed her hand down on top of the radio, causing blessed silence to fill the room. Then she turned and threw herself on top of him, kissing him repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, but pleasant sounds don't wake me up. I need something annoying," she said. "Go back to sleep. You don't need to wake up so early."

She fumbled for her robe, feeling deliciously relaxed as she mused about the night before.

Severus was up and in the bathroom before she was even on her feet. He was back quickly, asking, "What time will you leave?"

"Seven-fifteen," she said. "I have lots of little chores before I go." She detoured on her way out of the room to hug him.

"May I suggest a change of plans?" he murmured. "I'll take care of your domestic livestock and any other small chores. But I'll be most happy to scrub your back first."

"Go let Rowena outside and meet me in the bathroom," she said briskly. "What a brilliant idea."

She discovered he had already turned on the shower to warm the water for her, such a pleasing small luxury. He joined her almost immediately and the next half hour flew by far too quickly.

At precisely seven-fifteen Zelda walked out the door to go to work. Severus carried the box of finished projects out to the car for her, so she kissed him and gazed longingly at him. "Thank you," she said, stroking his cheek.

"What time will you come home?" he asked sternly.

"Around half past four," she said hopefully.

'I shall be gone for a while, but I'll be back before you, my girl." Impulsively he hugged her again, burying his nose in her hair. "I love you, Zelda," he murmured.

"I love you," she replied. Regretfully she got into the car.

Severus watched her drive away, stifling his urge to keep her with him. Rationally, he knew that to have a life together they would not be together constantly, but it had been only two days, and nothing would be right until she could remember. He returned to the kitchen, where Rowena waited for him.

"Let me clean up here and we'll go to Michael's cabin," he said. Briefly, he felt foolish for talking to a dog, but realized that Rowena was a more pleasing companion than most humans he had encountered.

He used his wand to clean the house, and then fed the cats. With fine feline disdain they sauntered to their bowls, but the white one that had comforted him after Dumbledore's death brushed against his leg in a friendly way.

"I should ask her your names," he said. Knowing his Zelda, these cats would be with them as long as they lived. But the cats ate eagerly on.

He watched a moment, then turned to Rowena and said, "Come." He knelt, put his arms around her neck and Apparated them to the cabin.

&&&&&&&&&


The cabin was surrounded by clean, deep snow. Rowena pranced joyfully around the clearing, looking thrilled to stretch her legs. Severus let her run and turned to the cabin. He installed a magical dog door for Rowena and went inside. It was cold, but he saw that his enchantment was still intact, so he lit the wood stoves and the fireplace, made a few magical adjustments to completely winterize the cabin, and then went straight to the bedroom he had shared with Zelda. Memories flooded him and he flung himself down among the pillows.

Michael and Rowena found him dozing there. "Severus? Hey, you okay, man?"

Severus roused himself and sat up. "Hello, Michael," he said quietly. He rose and went out to the kitchen. "It is still startling to be without constant peril. I find myself becoming lax."

Michael studied him closely. "Your life's completely changed and it'll take time to adjust."

"Where is Kingsley?" asked Severus, irritably recognizing that he was on the verge of receiving good advice.

"He'll be back in an hour or two," replied Michael. He brought two cups of coffee to the table and said, "Okay, I won't harass you now. Tell me about Zelda."

A faint smile appeared on his face. "She did not know me," he began. "Not immediately. Your letter helped very much." He took a grateful sip of coffee.

"I think I see a hickey, so it's okay, isn't it?" asked Michael cheerfully. "What does she remember?"

"She has frequent nightmares, but cannot remember them. She does not yet remember much of me, but... the memories are there. Do you have anything new for me?"

"Not yet. Did the potion work?"

"It caused a nightmare, so there is an effect. I shall bring her here and try it again on Friday, after she finishes work. I believe this will not be fast or easy."

"Um... Severus, I have to ask something. The senior Healer in Janus Thickey took me aside and asked me about how you got Zel's records released." Michael looked intently at him. "Is it true?"

Severus's lips twitched guiltily and he nodded. "She does not know yet."

"When?" snapped Michael.

"August ninth." Severus looked into his eyes, offering his true memory.

"As a semi-official Healer, I worry about you two. If it goes the way you want, both your lives will change completely. Are you ready for that?" Michael looked piercingly into his eyes.

Exasperated, Severus said, "I had considerable time to think while in prison. I could have walked away, she did not remember me, but before anything else, I choose to be with Zelda, if she'll have me." His lip curled and he said, "Are you finished interrogating me?"

Rowena trotted in and put her head on Severus's thigh, groaning until he stroked her silky ears, making her tail swish briskly.

Michael grinned. "I see you have your dog back. Can you really stand two adoring females?"

"I should say so," he replied smugly. "I never believed I would survive the Dark Lord, so I feel extremely lucky to be alive and have two adoring females in my life. Now tell me the news from Hogwarts and St. Mungo's."

The door opened around noon and Kingsley joined them.

"I hope there's a meal here, I'm ravenous," he announced. "Hello, Severus."

"Right on schedule," Michael said briskly. He and Severus had just finished preparing a hot meal. As he finished setting the table, Kingsley came around behind him and gave him a bruising hug.

"Cut it out," Michael said testily. His eyes were sparkling as he set down the serving bowls, turned around, kissed Kingsley's mouth and lightly slapped his cheek. "Bad wizard! You'll shock our guest, King."

He turned around and grinned mockingly at Severus. "I guess it's best that you settled for Zelda, man."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Settled?" he said with a sneer. Then he smiled sardonically at them both and said, "Zelda will be delighted, especially when she can remember Kingsley."

Watching the two men together during lunch, he saw the deep affection between them. He realized that Michael and Kingsley also had future decisions to consider and offered the thought to Michael with an ironic smirk.

"Touché," Michael murmured. He hugged Severus once more before leaving.

"I've never seen anyone but Zelda hug you, Severus, and now Michael. Should I be worried?" asked Kingsley snidely, his dark eyes sparkling wickedly.

"Enjoy your honeymoon, children," snorted Severus, well aware of how out of character this was. "I have work to do."

He watched them Apparate away, cynically embarrassed to admit, even to himself, how happy he was that Michael had found his perfect man.

Severus looked down at Rowena, who still seemed fascinated by the way some people vanished right in front of her. "Come, Rowena. Let's go home and wait for Zelda."

Rowena obediently sat down by his side. He held her firmly and they Apparated back to await Zelda's return home.
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