Kara begins to question the past
Monica sat up and looked around. She must have fallen asleep last night while Gerard held and sang to her. Her heart skipped a beat. He had sung her song. Just the memory made her feel such an infinite sadness. She sat up "Where did Gerard sleep if I took over his sofa?"
"When I got up this morning he was sitting in chair just watching you. What's going on mom? He loves you so much and I can tell you love him. Why are you two so unhappy?"
Monica looked at her daughter and realized for the first time that she had become an adult. God, when had that happened? She truly wished she could tell her the truth but to do that she would have to shatter Kara's memory of her father. That she would never do. "Honey, sometimes there are circumstances that keep people apart. I love Gee I won't deny that but we can't stay together."
Kara looked at her for a moment then spoke quietly, "You and daddy weren't happy, were you? I always had the feeling something was wrong. Even now I know in my heart that something is still wrong."
Monica was taken aback by her comment "Kara don't ever think that."
Kara cut her off "Why, because you are trying to protect my memories? Mom life is too short. Whatever happened is over and done. I just want you to be happy. I think Gerard could be the one to make you happy."
The doorbell rang announcing that Bob had arrived. Kara looked like she wanted to say more but instead went to answer the door.
"Hi, Monica" he said when he spotted her on the sofa.
Monica stood up "Morning Bob how are you?"
"Just great" he smiled down at Kara standing next to him. They were so in love.
"What are your plans for the day?" Monica asked.
"We are going out to lunch and then ice skating" Bob told her. This was the first Kara had heard about the ice-skating.
She smiled "Hey, I like to skate. We had a pond back home and Kelly and I spent hours skating on it" He smile faded and Monica knew she was thinking of her father. "Mom, I was supposed to tell you that Gerard said he would be back around noon to pick you up."
"Pick me up for what?" She glanced at the clock it was just after nine.
"He didn't say. He just told me to give you that message before he left with Bert"
Bob shook his head, "It's cool they are friends again. The rest of us sort of missed having Bert around. He is so crazy."
Monica agreed, "that he definitely is"
Kara got her coat and they started for the door. She turned to her mom "Are you sure you are OK?
"I'm fine. Now get going," she told them. As they left she smiled. They did make a nice couple. Bob loved her daughter she could tell and Kara loved him. Hopefully someday they would have the true "happily ever after"
She decided to take her shower and get dressed. Her hand absently went to her sweater pocket. She felt the folded piece of paper she knew was her song. Pulling it out she unfolded the paper and began to read over the words again. The beauty of song struck her and she sat back down to read it again.
Donna walked in and saw her pouring over the words. "Monica, what is it?'
Monica looked up and smiled, "Beautiful words"
Monica nodded but added no more details. Donna raised her eyebrow but didn't question any further. "Would you like some coffee?" she asked.
"Please" Monica answered. She carefully folded the song, tucked it in her pocket then followed Donna into the kitchen. Once seated she said, " Yesterday was the best Christmas I ever celebrated."
Donna smiled "It was nice wasn't it. So where is my eldest son this morning?"
Monica shrugged, "Kara said he went off with Bert. He is supposed to pick me up at noon but I don't know what he has planned. I need to talk to Brain and find out when I need to go back to work. I'm sure there are tons of things that need to be done before the band takes off on tour."
"I hate that they are leaving so soon. Success is such a double-edged sword. They have to tour and I know they want to. Gerard especially thrives on touring. He loves the stage and giving everything he has for the fans but being away for such long stretches is hard on him too. He once told me that he goes to sleep after performing only to wake up and not know where he is. Then it starts all over again. Mikey has it easier because Alicia is with him a lot of the time. Gerard will miss you terribly you know"
Monica looked down at her coffee cup. She wasn't ready for Donna to know that she wouldn't be waiting for Gerard, wouldn't be seeing him anymore. He wanted the time they had left to be good and so did she. It was just another chapter in her life. Living a lie was how she had lived her life for years. Donna seemed to understand too. While she knew something was wrong she didn't want to voice it.
Monica thought a change of topic was needed, "Didn't Bert look nice yesterday? I almost didn't recognize him when I opened the door."
Donna laughed "Bert can surprise you sometimes. He gave me a beautiful pendant for Christmas. On the back it says "To Donna my true mom". That boy needs someone of his own so badly."
"Has he ever had a serious relationship?" Monica asked. She really didn't know much about Bert's past.
Sadness crept into Donna's voice. "The one serious relationship he had ended tragically. Her name was Kate and they had been together for a very long time. They had problems and had decided to go their separate ways but she found out she was pregnant. When she told Bert he insisted that they would raise the baby together. For a while it seemed to everyone that things would work out. They were still crazy about each other. But something happened and she was found dead on the Fourth of July. Bert not only lost her he lost his child. I think he is still running from the pain. The song "Hard To Say" is about her. It's a beautiful song."
Monica was speechless. She had no idea that Bert had been through such pain. "God, that is terrible. I know the song and is beautiful"
They sat in silence for several minutes. Donna couldn't take it any more "Why are you going to leave him, Monica?
When she said this Monica wasn't surprised. Donna seemed to see into her soul at times. She didn't even try to deny it. "Because I love him. Because he needs and deserves so much more than I can offer."
Donna looked so sad. Monica hated that she was hurting the woman who had become like a mother to her. "Is you're past that controlling? Can't you just let it go? I know your husband abused you. Don't be angry with Gerard I asked him point blank. What happened to him, Monica? How did your husband die?
The memory of that last day came crashing back to her. His anger and hatred. The ugly words he spat at her. The look on his face when he realized he was dying. She shuttered.
"You know of course that Gerard could find out but he won't. He told me that unless you could trust him enough to tell him then it wouldn't matter. I have to admit I went against his wishes. I asked Kelly how he died"
Monica looked at her trying to be angry but she couldn't. Donna was trying to protect her son. "What did she say?"
"That he drown in the pond on your property, fell through the ice while you were all gone. Is that what happened?"
Monica looked her straight in the eye "Yes he drown." She said nothing else. Standing she said, "I have to get ready. Gee will be here soon. Donna I know it is probably wrong but he wants things to be good between us until he leaves and I promised him. Please just let it go." She turned and walked away.