Kagome wakes up in feudal Japan.Ok. Inuyasha and Koga are fighting. No difference. But everyone else is acting...odd. Kagome continues to wonder why this seems so similar to a story Shakespear once...
- It sounds as though Kouga and Inuyasha actually started tearing out each other's throats.
In the play, Lysander and Demmy start snapping insults at each other. It would be pretty cool to hear Yash and Koga do the same in a Midsummer theme. I say play with the language a little more. How does one say "You have her father's love; do you marry him!!" while calling someone yaseookami?
I don't think you actually need to call him her father. Even if he's her grandfather still, the parallel works.
"come with a complainT"
You don't have to capitalize "said." Technically, it doesn't start the sentence.