Categories > Original > Humor > Five Minute Soap Dish
Chapter 1
"Well that's it for us at the chaos hour. So to all four of you listening, come back next week if you haven't found anything more interesting to do," Nik said into the microphone, "Until then, it's good night from me, Nick Thompson."
"And good night from me, Steve Bardwell. And now...an hour of chanting."
At the control room, Kelly waited as the tuneless vocalisations played, (a slowed down recording of strangers at the bar the night before) and faded away before cutting transmission.
"And we're off," her voice said into the sound proof room via a transmitter, "The news satellite has started broadcasting."
"Great," Gia, the third member of the team, also the quietest, and the youngest, as she removed her headphones and headed for the door, "Should I get us some places at the bar?"
"Nah, I've got a presentation to have ready, but another time perhaps?" Steve asked.
Nik nodded, "I'm afraid I've got to get a good night sleep as well, so I'm out too."
Glumly, Gia nodded, "I guess it's just you and me again Kelly. But I do want to get to know you sometime, Steve. We've worked together for what seems like months now, but I don't think we've exchanged any words off air apart from one hello."
Steve shrugged, "Well, it isn't easy being me. But I promise you, once I get this project off my back, having a few drinks with you all will be my top priority,"
Gia gave a small smile and left the building. Steve waited until he was sure he couldn't hear her footsteps before he let out a hiss, "God I hate her."
"Oh no," Nick said, removing walking over to Steve, "It's time for misogynist Steve again, is it?"
"I'm not a misogynist, I don't hate all women-just this one."
"But why?" Nik asked, as they joined Kelly in the control room, "I've known Gia for five years, and I've never had a bad word to say about her."
"Apart from the usual cynicism," Kelly joined in, to which Nik nodded.
"Of course, but everyone gets that. And in comparison to what I say about you and Kelly, Gia gets off easy. She's a nice person, Steve, why can't you accept that?"
Steve threw the two others their jackets before putting his own on, "The niceness, that's what I can't accept. How can you trust it? No one can be that nice all the time without hiding something."
Kelly and Nik rolled their eyes, "Paranoid and misogynist Steve."
"I'm not a misogynist!"
"Whatever," Kelly opened the outside door, gesturing for the three to leave, "But as manager of this outfit, I'm ordering you to get to know her."
"Or at least come up with better excuses. I mean, come on, a presentation? What sort of presentations do you get to do in your line of work? On the sharpness of the letter openers?"
"Shut up, kitchen hand."
"Hey! Senior food and beverage attendant, thank you very much. It's not a big step up from where I was five years ago, but at least I can look down on people, temp! I mean, at your place, even the lunch lady has the potential of having an affair with a boss or something."
Kelly locked the doors to the studio before joining the two males, "So, how far are we walking together until you go off to a different bar out of spite?"
"Oh, I think Gia's and mine are in the same general direction," Steve answered, and they broke out into a swift walk, "You could join us, you know."
"See-that's what I don't understand. You can't stand Gia because she's nice, but are always wanting me to be around."
"It's because he doesn't want to sleep with Gia," Nick cut in.
"And why not?" Kelly asked, before coming to a realisation, pointing to her face, "Oh, is it the chinese thing?"
"No, more specific than that. He only gets turned on by girls who speak to him via speakers. Seriously, we went to see Charlie's Angels once, and he had to sit cross-legged for a full hour after the credits rolled."
Kelly let out a laugh, but had to point out, "Charlie's a guy."
Nick stopped in front of Kelly, hands on hips, saying, "You just had to wreck his enjoyment of the film didn't you?" before they both started laughing.
"I'm still here you know!" Steve yelled, not stopping to wait for them.
"Calm down," Nick said, walking briskly to catch up with him, "We're only joking."
"Yeah," Kelly said, catching up, "Like you'd have a chance with me."
Steve's hand struck out and caught onto Kelly's arm with a vice liked grip. Kelly looked to see Steve was clearly angry but that last remark.
"Let me make it clear, Kelly. If I wanted to, I could charm you to do whatever I wanted, okay? I only choose not to because you're a mate,"
The grip was quickly broken by Nick walking in between the other two.
"Dream on Steve."
"Don't deny my charm. You've seen it in action, Nick, you know how it works."
"Yeah, and I also know Kelly made it clear nothing was going to happen between you and her soon after you first met-to the point of writing a song about it on air, if I recall."
Kelly let out a giggle as the song came to mind, and she sang out: "Piss off Steve, I'm never gonna sleep with you."
"With you," Nick echoed.
Then the two finished with a harmonic: "Or anyone like you."
Steve's brow tightened in annoyance, and he began to walk quickly to distance himself from Kelly.
"So this is where we part ways?" Kelly called out to him.
"Yeah," Steve answered, turning around to yell back, "You two really piss me off, you know that?"
Nick ran to catch Steve up, "And yet you hate only Gia. How interesting."
"Well that's it for us at the chaos hour. So to all four of you listening, come back next week if you haven't found anything more interesting to do," Nik said into the microphone, "Until then, it's good night from me, Nick Thompson."
"And good night from me, Steve Bardwell. And now...an hour of chanting."
At the control room, Kelly waited as the tuneless vocalisations played, (a slowed down recording of strangers at the bar the night before) and faded away before cutting transmission.
"And we're off," her voice said into the sound proof room via a transmitter, "The news satellite has started broadcasting."
"Great," Gia, the third member of the team, also the quietest, and the youngest, as she removed her headphones and headed for the door, "Should I get us some places at the bar?"
"Nah, I've got a presentation to have ready, but another time perhaps?" Steve asked.
Nik nodded, "I'm afraid I've got to get a good night sleep as well, so I'm out too."
Glumly, Gia nodded, "I guess it's just you and me again Kelly. But I do want to get to know you sometime, Steve. We've worked together for what seems like months now, but I don't think we've exchanged any words off air apart from one hello."
Steve shrugged, "Well, it isn't easy being me. But I promise you, once I get this project off my back, having a few drinks with you all will be my top priority,"
Gia gave a small smile and left the building. Steve waited until he was sure he couldn't hear her footsteps before he let out a hiss, "God I hate her."
"Oh no," Nick said, removing walking over to Steve, "It's time for misogynist Steve again, is it?"
"I'm not a misogynist, I don't hate all women-just this one."
"But why?" Nik asked, as they joined Kelly in the control room, "I've known Gia for five years, and I've never had a bad word to say about her."
"Apart from the usual cynicism," Kelly joined in, to which Nik nodded.
"Of course, but everyone gets that. And in comparison to what I say about you and Kelly, Gia gets off easy. She's a nice person, Steve, why can't you accept that?"
Steve threw the two others their jackets before putting his own on, "The niceness, that's what I can't accept. How can you trust it? No one can be that nice all the time without hiding something."
Kelly and Nik rolled their eyes, "Paranoid and misogynist Steve."
"I'm not a misogynist!"
"Whatever," Kelly opened the outside door, gesturing for the three to leave, "But as manager of this outfit, I'm ordering you to get to know her."
"Or at least come up with better excuses. I mean, come on, a presentation? What sort of presentations do you get to do in your line of work? On the sharpness of the letter openers?"
"Shut up, kitchen hand."
"Hey! Senior food and beverage attendant, thank you very much. It's not a big step up from where I was five years ago, but at least I can look down on people, temp! I mean, at your place, even the lunch lady has the potential of having an affair with a boss or something."
Kelly locked the doors to the studio before joining the two males, "So, how far are we walking together until you go off to a different bar out of spite?"
"Oh, I think Gia's and mine are in the same general direction," Steve answered, and they broke out into a swift walk, "You could join us, you know."
"See-that's what I don't understand. You can't stand Gia because she's nice, but are always wanting me to be around."
"It's because he doesn't want to sleep with Gia," Nick cut in.
"And why not?" Kelly asked, before coming to a realisation, pointing to her face, "Oh, is it the chinese thing?"
"No, more specific than that. He only gets turned on by girls who speak to him via speakers. Seriously, we went to see Charlie's Angels once, and he had to sit cross-legged for a full hour after the credits rolled."
Kelly let out a laugh, but had to point out, "Charlie's a guy."
Nick stopped in front of Kelly, hands on hips, saying, "You just had to wreck his enjoyment of the film didn't you?" before they both started laughing.
"I'm still here you know!" Steve yelled, not stopping to wait for them.
"Calm down," Nick said, walking briskly to catch up with him, "We're only joking."
"Yeah," Kelly said, catching up, "Like you'd have a chance with me."
Steve's hand struck out and caught onto Kelly's arm with a vice liked grip. Kelly looked to see Steve was clearly angry but that last remark.
"Let me make it clear, Kelly. If I wanted to, I could charm you to do whatever I wanted, okay? I only choose not to because you're a mate,"
The grip was quickly broken by Nick walking in between the other two.
"Dream on Steve."
"Don't deny my charm. You've seen it in action, Nick, you know how it works."
"Yeah, and I also know Kelly made it clear nothing was going to happen between you and her soon after you first met-to the point of writing a song about it on air, if I recall."
Kelly let out a giggle as the song came to mind, and she sang out: "Piss off Steve, I'm never gonna sleep with you."
"With you," Nick echoed.
Then the two finished with a harmonic: "Or anyone like you."
Steve's brow tightened in annoyance, and he began to walk quickly to distance himself from Kelly.
"So this is where we part ways?" Kelly called out to him.
"Yeah," Steve answered, turning around to yell back, "You two really piss me off, you know that?"
Nick ran to catch Steve up, "And yet you hate only Gia. How interesting."
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