Follow the adventures of Theresa on her pursuit of Jay! Will Theresa succeed or fail miserabley? Read &find out! Pls read, review &/or rate!
(#) story_master 2007-01-15 03:24:39 PMHey there!
Great first chapter! And welcome to Ficwad! heehee, I love saying that. For a first chapter/story it was great. Just a few things though. Your style is great and all, but you could just seperate dialouge from description like:
"No, no and definitely no!" Atlanta said.
"O, come Lanta you could so pull off a bikini with your figure" said Theresa reasonably.
Jay, Archie and Herry who were sitting there watching the girls as if it was a ping-pong match looking from one girl to the other....
And so on like that. It'll just make things a little easier to read and a little less confusing. And there were a few grammer mistakes in there and one or two spelling mistakes too. A beta reader is a great way to help you with that. Oh and to answer your question yes the new season of Cott is coming out soon, but not until sept. as I'm told. Well great first chapter. I hope my constructive critism doesn't sound rude or anything, just trying to give you some pointers. Keep up teh awsome work! Can't wait for the next one!:D
Oh, btw if you do want a beta reader i'd be happy to be yours, if you want. Jut send me a message!:D
(#) CompetiveSwimmaChick 2007-01-17 01:59:34 PMMy gosh... for a first story it defintaly is awesome!!!! Jeepers- I love it!!! Hehe... come on Jay.... hot girl alert! But know it is hot girl in bikini alert! Hehe... don't start drooling Jay.... same goes for Archie... what are Atlanta and Theresa wearing I wonder? Ya better update soon - luv ya!