its about a highschool dropout and a warlock who saves the day
It was an ordinary day in the world of Azeroth. I have just dropped out of school because of the new lunch that was offered, Monday Meatloaf Madness with Seafood Silly Shells. I was outraged! As I leave the cafeteria, I throw my tray at a lobster and start walking out of the school. Right before I leave the school I see a guy conjuring some sort of item. I walk up to him and I see he is selling potions to some lower grade students. I ask him if he had got any herbs, but not any regular herb, I need some mageroyal. He sells me some and asks what my name is.
"Mark," I say as I start to walk away.
He jumps up and asks, "Where are you going".
I reply, "I'm ditching the school for good" and I tell him the reason why.
He says that is what he was all pissed about and decides to leave with me. As we head home, I notice there is a disturbance in the force. Something is wrong. I get to his house and we exchange phone numbers. I walk home as I notice something is up at the local amusement park. I don't care so I keep walking home. After a ten minute walk, I make it to my house to discover that no one is home. I grab a soda from the fridge and notice there is a note on the fridge. It says, "I have you parents. If you wish to see them again, you must bring your family fortune and a bag of clams to your local amusement park". I think this must be some sort of joke, so I go to a rave to only find my bud the warlock. All he is doing is sitting and talking to some chick. I walk up to him and we talk about the recent incidents in the news. He tells me of a story about an incident at the amusement park and about how there is a walking, talking lobster involved with it. Later on, after a few drinks, warlock and I decide it isn't safe to drive home and he conjures a magical rolling pineapple to send us home. It is a very bumpy trip. We reach my house and I request that he sleep over. When I wake up next morning, I see that a window has been broken, the fridge is open, and all the drawers are open. I see as I look on the ground that bacon is being hugged by a person. As I start to wake up more I notice that it is the warlock holding the bacon. I walk to the table and notice another note.
It reads: "I am the mastermind Zoidberg... woop-woop-woop-woooopp... and I am the one who has kidnapped your parents and I want CLAMS!!!! And your money and hurries to the Taco R' Us at the amusement park named Michael Jackson's Never Ever Land in the next 24 hours if you ever want to see them again."
I don't want to go. I decide I have to though, so I wake up Mr. Bacon over there and walk out the door. I ignore the letter because I really don't care. It has been a week since that morning I woke up and it's all a mess again. This time though, it's the murloc party we had last night. I wake up and grab some milk and I notice while drinking it there is a note in there. Annoyed now, I read the note and it says, "Why haven't you came? I'm getting all lonely whoop-woop-wooooooop-whoop-woop. Come and get your parents they're driving me crazy. I'm ganna kill you".
Irritated now, I thought we could head over to Wendy's and get a frosty and a big Mac and a Whopper Jr. We walk out of Wendy's and start talking about how the Cowboys lost the game due to the dropping of the ball. He says to me the snapper is under arrest now for throwing the game away and must pay two peppermints and three hundred dollars and a half year in jail for bail and has to dedicate his body to science. On our way home, I stop and pick up some clams for that crazy whatever it is. I get home and grab the note and head for the park with the warlock. I decide to bring my little brother along with us and drop him off at the daycare inside the park. We reach Michael Jackson's Never Ever Land Park and we walk around for awhile. We go on some rides and we go into the playpen to drop off my little brother. As I walk away I forgot to give him his toys so he will be quiet. I run back to notice the real Michael Jackson staring at my little brother. He is dressed like Santa with a face of the fabulous super-villain, Bubble Man. I grab my little brother and run for my life and his while being chased by Michael signing "All I Wanna' Do Is Have Some Fun". I run past the warlock and tell him to do something and as I look back, I sense the area turning into a "turned" base polygon battlefield. Michael attacks with sexual harassment and misses and the warlock attacks with summon spell viva piÃ±ata and gets a piÃ±ata named Horstachio. He starts tricking Michael into buying us all cotton candy, then he sweet talks him into going away. All I can think is, "Damn, I don't want to face that piÃ±ata".
We continue to walk and see cops outside of some sort of shack. I suspect this is where I need to go, so I go over to a cop and ask him about the situation. Before he has a chance to respond he gets turned into a platypus. I look around with a very confused face at the warlock and notice he is being attacked by ninjas, but not any type of ninjas- invisible ninjas, and a whole bunch of them. The warlock says he is out of mana. Looks like Zoidberg won. I blink and then I notice some kid jumps in.
"Oh dear God," I say as I notice it's the N64 kid. He opens a present and sees a Nintendo64 and starts spazzing out. His eyes start to glow red. In a matter of minutes I notice that the kid killed all of the ninjas and then he starts lighting up into a huge cosmic ball of light. Then I see a bunch of people walk out of this light. It's the original Power Rangers! I stare at them and then they tell me to go away while they save my parents. I stay and watch them get their multicolor rears kicked right out of the shack onto the cement. I stare and laugh at them as they die. I start walking and I notice there's another ninja around. He reveals himself and I can see he is the leader. He says his name is Kris .K and says his first name is like a Kris weapon.
He says, "That all your base belongs to us," and another battle scene appears, but this time the fighting style is different. It's a fighting style battle. I am being controlled by the warlock by some sort of remote control. Cool as this might be, he just happens to suck at videogames and I get my keister handed to me harder than Chuck Norris round house kicking a piece of bread. Before I get really hurt, I offer a five dollar bribe for him to leave. He takes it and leaves. Luckily, he didn't notice I gave him Monopoly money and I pocketed his wallet at the same time. Getting agitated right before I go talk with the cop again, Michael Jackson approaches me. He has his guards kick me out of the park. He lets the warlock stay for some reason and I call him up on his cell phone and tell him to do something. In the next five minutes, I get thrown into an unknown universe. I fall out of the universe and fall straight onto the warlock. I ask him how he just did that and he responded, "Duh, I'm a warlock".
I look around and I notice a green dog. It then transforms into a mouse and starts running away. I look at it weird and lasers shoot out of my eye. I hit the rat and it turns into a green human. I run up to it and I notice that it is dead. I ask the warlock what the hell he did to me. He said that he has no idea and that he doesn't want me to look at him. I sneak into the shack threw a window.
"I am the best agent out there", I said to the warlock. "I was trained by Sean Connery." I try to remember him as a great man but all I hear is YOU'RE THE MAN NOW DOG over and over again. When I get in, the warlock is right behind me. We walk to a door and knock on it. I hear a sound I have heard before. I notice that it has to be that Zoidberg person. We count to three and burst into the room. I gasp as I see my parents tied upside down. I look around the room and see a man laughing. He turns around and I almost throw up. IT'S A TALKING LOBSTER!! I fall on the ground and my eyes start to close very slowly. I wake up to notice I fell asleep... for less than a minute. I get up and I observe him. I then notice that this is the same lobster from when I threw my tray at school. I go up to him and try to convince him just to let my parents go. He says, "No," and demands for the ransom. I brought everything he asked for. I give him the goods. He screams and spits pearls at me. I ask him what the problem is. He replies by saying that he demanded oysters. I spazz out and kick him right in the shin. I knew this was going to happen, so I brought the note with me. I hand it to him and he says, "Oops, that's my grocery list".
He hands me the real note stating he wants oysters.
"That was the last straw," I replied and he said, "No, I have some over there".
I poke him in the eyes and he decks me. This is war. Me and the warlock run out of the room and prepare for the worst. He says to me, "Take these," and throws me some capsules. I reply, "Do I need water to use these". He screams to me while I run in, "No, you just have to throw them at the ground". I run in and Zoidberg asks me who I am. Dazed and confused he then charges at me. As I get flung back, the orange capsule falls out of my pocket. A big puff of smoke appears. As I get back up I notice the ground is shaking. I look around and find out that I was on a ship and I look for the fat lobster and notice he has changed shape. He turns around and I can see that he has become Captain Crunch! I wonder how this happened and I notice as I look at the water I have also been turned into someone else. Oh snap, I have become Captain Morgan! I take a bottle out of my pocket and sip out of it and I become instantly a drunken master of kung-fu. I do a Chuck Norris and hit him with super speed punches and I knock him off the ship into the water and kick him in the chest. Then I throw him back onto the ship. As I punch him again another capsule falls onto the ground and it appears as the green one. Another puff appears and it sends me back to the shack. I run out the door to the warlock. I yell at him and he said he gave me the wrong capsules. I kick him, grab the right capsule, and run back in. I throw it at the ground and it looks like it summoned some sort of beast.
"Oh my god!", I say as I notice who it is. It is my rival Fred Fred Burger!! I dash out of the room to the warlock's hiding spot and I save to restore my hp and mana. I run back in and see Zoidberg jumping into a big pot of boiling water. Fred Fred Burger turns around and stares at me. Paralyzed in the spot, the warlock comes around and bonks him on the head. Fred disappears into a puff and I go untie my parents and they walk home. Me and the warlock walk out of the shack talking about what a week we have had. I asked if he wanted to go to McDonald's and he spazzes out so much. I turn away and then he taps my shoulder. I look back and see something I would have never expected. It was the Burger King with a whopper in his hand smiling at me with a crooked face. So all along, my friend has been the Burger King and with all these things happening to me lately, I'm not surprised at all.