Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Pete and the Ugly Ass Gay Pride Robe

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by bandgeekfreak 3 Reviews

"Pete was always the favorite."

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor, Parody - Characters:  - Published: 2006/08/21 - Updated: 2006/08/21 - 1125 words

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Pete was always the favorite. Especially among his three younger brothers:
Andy, the second oldest, and the one that was probably dropped on his head.
Joe, the middle child and the quiet one.
And lastly, Patrick, the youngest and adopted looking red haired one.

One day, their father decided to show the world who he favored by buying Pete an ugly ass gay pride robe.

Pete scowled as his held his new robe up. "This is one ugly ass robe."

"I don't know, I think it's kind of snazzy," Andy admitted.

Patrick frowned. "How come you never buy us anything?" he asked his father.

Joe starred at his brothers, his mouth hanging open.

"Well, Peter," their dad replied, completely ignoring Patrick, "if you don't like it, you can give it back and I can give it as a ratty hand me down to your brother Andrew."

Pete clutched his robe tighter. "My robe."

"Well," his father said proudly, "put it on."

Pete took off his old robe and put on the new one.

His dad took Pete's old robe and gave it to Andy. "Andrew, you get a new robe, courteously of your brother. Give your old one to Joseph, and Joseph, give your robe to Patrick."

"But Dad, me and Joe aren't even the same size," Patrick said.

Their dad glared at him. "What did you say, you ungrateful boy?"

"I mean... thank you for thinking of us Father."

"I love you, Peter!" their father called as he started to leave. "And... you other three... don't forget to feed the sheep!"

Pete smiled sweetly until his dad was gone, then he turned and smirked at his brothers. "See ya, losers!" he exclaimed and frolicked off to hustle a few chicks.

Andy, Joe and Patrick frowned and sulked off to feed their sheep, Tina.

"Tina! Come get some dinner!" Andy yelled, chucking a spoonful of left over macaroni and cheese at her.

"How come Dad doesn't love us?" Patrick asked rhetorically, lugging a bucket of water over to Tina's pen.

Andy snarled at Tina, then turned to his youngest brother. "Of course Dad loves us. He just bought us these new robes. Didn't he?"

Patrick looked at his brother. It was sad that he thought that getting Pete's hand me downs counted as new things. "Don't you think it's strange that my 'new' robe is six inches too long and it won't tie right in the front? And Joe's is so short that you can see his knees! Isn't that right, Joe?"

Joe nodded.

"Well," Andy started stupidly, "it's not my fault that Joe's tall and you're fat."

Patrick gave his brother a dirty look. "You know what? I think I really was adopted because I'm the only one in this family who isn't a total retard!"

Joe frowned.

Andy glared at Patrick and stuck a finger in his face. "Just because Pete accidentally dropped me when I was little doesn't make me retarded!"

Joe looked at his feet before timidly asking, "If you're so smart, Patrick. How are we going to make Dad love us?"

Patrick sighed. "I don't know."

Later

"Peter, will you come in here a moment?" their dad called from his den.

Pete dropped the sponge he was using to help wash the dishes and gladly went in the see his father. "What is it, Dad?"

Their dad had a map of the Middle East opened on his desk. "Where do think your brothers would like to do?" he asked, his eyes not leaving his desk.

"Are we going on a trip?" Pete asked, bending down and taking a closer look at the map.

"Nope. I'm going to sell them into slavery."
Pete grinned, but when he noticed his dad wasn't smiling he frowned, confused. "What?" he asked. Maybe he hadn't heard him right.

"I'm selling your brothers into slavery," he repeated. "The slave exchange rate is good this time of year, and we need the money. What do you think?"

Pete's mouth dropped. "Do you think that's a good idea? I mean..."

"So, you don't want me to do it?"

"Uh," Pete replied dumbly. Sure he wanted to go back to being an only child. Why do you think he dropped Andy on his head when he was born? But, Andy survived and his parents just had two more. On the other hand, if his dad sold them off he wouldn't have anyone to make him look good. "Erm," he answered.

"Good. I'll have them on a plane and shipped to Saudi Arabia by tomorrow morning."

Pete made a choking sound and ran into the kitchen.

"What? Did Dad just want to tell you he loved you some more?" Patrick asked bitterly.

"Dad... Dad just sold you into slavery," Pete was able to blurt out.

Pete's three brothers dropped whatever they were doing and faced him. "What?"

"Dad sold you into slavery. You're going to Saudi Arabia tomorrow morning!" Pete cried.

Patrick grinned. "Okay, I know Dad doesn't love us, but he has to love us enough to..."

"Pat! You're not listening to me!" Pete continued, grabbing Patrick by the shoulders and shaking him. "We gotta get out of here! We gotta leave tonight! All of us!"

As soon as Pete mentioned all four of them leaving, his face fell and he got very pale. "Oh shit. You're not kidding. Are you?"

Joe put his hands on his hips as Andy asked. "Where do you suggest we go, oh Favored Sibling?"

Pete hadn't thought of that. "I don't know," he shrugged. "We could head to Chicago. Start a band."

Patrick rolled his eyes. "I love how you have this all planned out so well." He headed to their room. "Let's get out of here other wise me, Andy, and Joe are going to be milking camels in the morning."

Later that night

The boys' father came into his sons' room. "Andrew. Joseph. Patrick. Get up and get packed. I'm sending you on a trip." When no one stirred, he flipped on the light and went over to Joe's bed. He shook him. "Joseph?" Frowning, he pulled back Joe's covers only to find his pillow. Panicked, he pulled Patrick's and Andy's covers off only to find the same thing. He looked worriedly at his favorite son's bed. Pete's was neatly made and had a note pinned to it.

"Dear Father," he read in a mutter, "Sell Tina into slavery, you cheap Bastard! (signed) Pete, Andy, Joe and Patrick." Upon reading this, their father's face grew red and he crumpled the note with his fist. "Is that how you're going to treat your poor father, you ungrateful sissies? You can run, but you can't hide. I WILL find you!"

To be continued?
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