What do torture sessions, crayons and goldfish have to do with doritos?!
Chapter 3: Piss Easy
"Mikey, I'll see you at lunch!" I watched Mikey until he had disappeared into the crowd, out of my sight. Ray was being so helpful, he was showing my little bro to all of his classes. I was so glad to have Ray, and now it seemed I had made another cool friend too.
Frank led the way as we lugged our books with us and shoved through the crowded corridors and up a set of stairs.
"All science labs are on the top block," Frank stated, filling me in. "Fortunately we were in the same science room, so I wouldn't have to worry about finding a lab partner today.
"You know, I quite like science," I beamed and Frank scrunched his face up.
"I guess its not so bad...." He mumbled, and I realised that he wasn't paying attention. He gaze seemed to be fixed on the blond that I had been sat next to only fifteen minutes ago in the tutor room. My eyes widened in disbelief.
"Don't tell me you like her?! I was only sat next to her for ten minutes, but she's a bitch, no doubt." Frank looked at me and laughed.
"Nah I don't...but Ray had a thing for her-" Frank cracked up at the look on my face. "-don't worry, he's like so over it. We just like to taunt her in the lessons, you'll see." Frank flashed a perfect grin at me.
Frank and I had planned to nab seats at the back of the class, but of course those had already been taken by the 'populars', the jocks and their plastic sluts. Me and Frank were right next to a window. It wasn't too bad. There was a view of the pool and I could see a game of soccer or something being played.
"Hey Frank, what other sports are there here?" I asked. There was only really one sport I really liked. Fucking croquet.
"Erm, all the usual really, swimming, basketball, baseball, kickball, dodge ball, soccer, football...table tennis...tennis...squash...badminton...volleyball...and..." there was a dramatic pause in his voice. "HOCKEY."
I gulped. The way he said it made it sound evil.
"The jocks over there, sure, they all thought they were going to be huge football players here, heck most of them are, and they hardly ever loose. But when it comes down to Hockey, they're fucking unbeatable. Shit they're so good I think every one of them has already been picked for the city's home team next year." Frank said, hunching over as he glanced at them for a second. I bared my teeth. That was pretty good.
Suddenly the door burst open and Ray appeared, his fro in mid sway as he cast me and Frank a cheesy grin. Hmmm. Cheesy. Dorito king...
He quickly told the teacher why he was late and joined me and Frank at our table, ignoring the jeers from the back of the room.
I caught the blond girl from earlier turning around and looking at us. She gave us a disgusted look, although to my surprise not so disgusted at Frank. He looked just as surprised.
"Ok, guy's, today's Felicity Torment Session involves crayons." Ray whispered to us. Frank picked a crayon up and looked at it.
"How do we torment her with crayons?" I asked. "How do you play?!" I was totally puzzled. Frank handed Ray the orange/ yellow crayon.
"Ray if you will, explain." Frank asked with a menacing grin. Ray returned the same flash of white teeth.
"Pst!" He waited for Felicity to turn around. He took the crayon and licked it, his tongue's movement slow along the length of the pencil. Then, with a sudden snap he bit the end of it off. Was that meant to be sexual?!
The girl squirmed and turned away, but I doubt it was because she got turned on. It was fucking weird, but funny too. I kind of felt sorry for her, but I think she kind of found it amusing too, otherwise she wouldn't have kept turning around.
I went next, I used the crayons to my advantage, scrawling and drawing with haste, eager to show the guys my gag, but hiding the paper from them until I was ready. I waited patiently for Felicity to turn around again and mouthed;
"I love you." Well...that's what it looked like what I was saying. Her eyes boggled and I held up the paper. 'Elephant Juice' was what I'd written with a little cartoon. I whispered 'elephant juice' slowly as the my moth made the same shapes as what she thought I had mouthed. She rolled her eyes and turned back.
"Elephant juice too, Gee." Ray laughed, blowing a kiss at me. I pretended to catch it. Before Frank could get his turn at Tormenting Felicity we were hit by a paper aeroplane. Well Ray was anyway. It stuck in his fro at a jaunty angle and Frank took it out, unfolding it for us all to see. As we read it the dicks behind us sang what was written down.
"What's your flavour, tell me what's your flavour"
Ray turned to face them;
"Cheese, you dipshits, can't you read the packet or does your mommy choose it for you like she chooses your pants?" My eyes kind of boggled as I wandered where Ray was going with the retort but didn't knock him. He had the nerve to answer back and I loved him for it. The jocks shut up and we turned back to face the front.
"Gerard, you never finished what you were going to say about revenge." Frank started, with Ray nodding. I grinned.
"Wait until lunch time so that I can finish my plan and so we can tell Mikey too."
The bell went at that moment. I kind of panicked. I wasn't quite done with my idea yet. Ray and Frank grinned at me and everyone started to move out of the class.
"Huh?" Frank looked up as someone came over to our desk as we were packing our books away. Felicity.
"So Frank...how were you planning to get my attention?" She asked. Bloody hell if that wasn't a hint that you liked someone I dunno what is. Blunt as.
Frank had his mouth open to say something but Ray shut his gaping jaw for him.
"He wasn't planning anything to get your attention." I answered for him.
"He was planning how to torture you." Ray joined in. I looked at Ray, no way. She's get the wrong idea.
She crossed her arms and a cheeky look flickered upon her face; "Oh really?"
"Not in a good way!" I drilled in, grabbing Frank by the arm and pulling him away.
"Not so fast you three..." the teacher was stood behind Felicity now. "Felicity go out to lunch, you three however can stay behind. Even if you are the new kid." The teacher eyed me up and down.
"She must've realised we were mucking about in class..." Ray mumbled, taking apart the model of an atomic structure just so that he could satisfy his boredom by rebuilding it. "I just dunno why she didn't punish the jocks."
"BECAUSE they're the jocks. They seem to be able to run this school how they fucking please..." Frank replied, glumly, he had a strange yellow concoction he'd be mixing in vials and test tubes in front of him, a pair of goggles on his face and he downed the liquid in one.. "Its not all lunch time though..."
"What about Mikey? He won't know where to go." I felt so unhappy. The euphoria I had felt at the start of that morning had completely diminished.
"Don't worry...with any luck he'll have gone to the canteen." Ray gave me a hopeful smile.
"Or the library." Frank added; I looked up to face him, but Frank wasn't sat with us. I heard a zipping noise and turned to see the back of Frank, he was stood on a table near the back of the classroom. The zipping noise was followed by a long splash and I felt my own bladder weaken. Frank let out a long sigh of relief and I noticed how the water in the goldfish bowl between his legs yellowed.
Ray didn't seem to question this. I guess I didn't really think about questioning this as an idea had began to form in my head.
"Frank, whatever it was in those vials, make more." I grinned, finding myself standing once more. I seemed to do that when I had random ideas. Ray looked up at me.
"Gee, is this the plan?"
I looked down and ruffled his 'fro without invitation.
"Yes my friend...and it'll be piss easy."