Ryan has secretly hidden his feelings for Brendon believing that they could never be together. What happens in one night that could change everything? "Brendon! What the hell are you going up there...
I pulled the hoodie of my parka over my head as I stepped outside. The cold winter's breeze was freezing on my face and made my cheeks numb. Times like this I crave for his body to be next to mine. His arms to be wrapped around me, giving me warmth on nights like this. Of course, that would never happen. He didn't like me that way. I continued to walk down the deserted street, away from the hotel. I pulled my mp3 player out from my pocket and pushed the ear phones into my ears. The first song that started to play was, Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off. I sighed. His voice was so addictive.
I crossed the road and take the path that leads down to the beach. I sit down on the sand, its wet. I sit there just listening to it over and over again. His voice was perfect, everything about him was perfect. The way his hair sticks up when he gets out of bed to his lips which I so long to kiss and claim mine. I'm suddenly intrupted by my mobile vibrating in my pocket. I paused my mp3 player and reach for it. 1 new message, I opened it. It was from Spencer asking me if I knew where Brendon was. I answered back that I didn't, or at least not until I heard his perfect voice being slurred from the top of one of the cliffs. I quickly shut my phone and raced over to the cliff that he was standing on. It was a 15 metre drop between us.
"Brendon! What the hell are you going up there?!" I shouted to him looking around for a way to get up there.
"Ryan I need to confess something!" He shouted back stumbling back and forward with a beer bottle in one hand.
"Come down here and tell me!" I replied. I had a bad feeling in the bottom of my stomach. He totally ignored me.
"Ryan since the first day I meet you, I knew there was something there that shouldn't be." Brendon shouted down to me.
"Come down here!" I pleaded tears filling up in my eyes. I had a really bad feeling now, he stumbled again and almost fell off the edge.
"Ryan what I'm meaning to.." Brendon said slipping slightly on some small rocks.
"What I'm meaning to say is.." He repeated but not finishing his sentence as he had stumbled on another couple of rocks. He lost his footing and fell foward off the cliff. I watched helplessly down the bottom on the wet sand as his body plunged 15 metres. He landed with a thud, face first just a few metres away from me. I rushed over to him and fell to my knees.
"Brendon! Brendon!?" I said turning him on his back to see his perfect face. I brushed away his black hair that had strayed onto his pale face.
"What..I'm meaning to say.." Brendon said blood flowing from his nose and lips. "is..I love you, Ryan." He finished choking slightly.
"Brendon I love you, don't leave me." I said tears running down my face.
"You don't know...how long I've waited to hear those words from your lips." Brendon said slowly losing conciousness. I took him in my arms,
"Please don't leave me," I said again, "Don't leave me." Now whispering those words. He didn't reply, I buried my head in his chest as my tears soaked his hoodie. How long I've waited to just lay my head against his chest, to hear his heart beat and feel his warmth. Now it wasn't the same, I couldn't feel his warmth or his heart beat. It became clear he was gone. I would never be able to hear his heart beat ever again. Why hadn't I just come clean from the beginning? I let go of him, his body fell limply to the ground. I got up and ripped off my parker and laided it around him. I began to drag his body down to the water.
"A better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me
Let's get these teen hearts beating
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat
And hold a lover close?" I sang softly under my breath as I continued to drag him down to the water.
I couldn't control my tears, they were spilling out onto my cheeks leaving black stains from my eyeliner. I tried to picture Brendon, alive again but I couldn't. Everytime I thought of him, I pictured him face down in the sand.
This was all my fault, it really was. If I had just told him how I felt sooner. Taken a risk for once in my life. If I had done that, we would be together right now. I reached the water, it lulled over my shoes. Now I was going to take a risk, I was going to stop being a coward.
"Brendon, this way we will always be together like we were meant to." I said leaning down to kiss his clammy cheek. I gave him one last pull the direction of the sea and jumped in after him. I grabbed his cold hand as we were swept away by the waves. I didn't even struggle as the waves pulled me under, slowly drowning me.
This way we will always be together. Like we were meant to. They could not keep me separated from him. For so long have I worried about what the papers would say, what Spencer and Jon would think, or how our fans would react. But now the weight of the world feels like nothing, because you're all that I wanted, all that I needed. Now we are together. I am complete.