Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco
He stood atop a rocky cliff. The dark water of the ocean swirled below. Every now and again a wave would roll in and crash heavily against the base of the cliff. The cool sea breeze whipped his fringe into his eyes and he smoothed it roughly back into place (it was a futile exercise). He took a deep breath, breathing in the smell of the ocean, maybe it would be the last scent he would ever breathe. Then he took several steps forward, moving himself closer to the edge of the clifftop and closer to falling into the dark abyss of the ocean below. He slid a foot closer to the edge, feeling the pebbles crunch underneath his shoe.
"This is it Ryan Ross, this is your ending." he muttered quietly to no one but himself.
"Why?" It wasn't Ryan who spoke.
Startled, Ryan spun around to face whoever it was that had spoken. It was dark and the sliver of the moon only illuminated what little it could. Ryan couldn't see anyone.
"Who's there?" he demanded angrily. Why couldn't anyone just leave him alone, ever.
He heard footsteps approach and then someone stepped forward and finally Ryan could see who it was. He looked somewhat familiar but the dimness of the light wasn't enough for Ryan to be able to fully see the person's face.
"You don't remember, do you?" the person asked. He had moved so that he was less than a metre away from Ryan.
Ryan could now make out more of his features; he had black hair, brown eyes, pale skin and large full lips. His eyes shone in what little moonlight there was.
As if taking his silence as a no, he continued to elaborate. "Remember; this same spot, 2 years ago." he raised his eyebrows waiting for an answer and hoping that he would remember.
Suddenly Ryan's eyes flashed with recognition. "You." he breathed. This was the boy who had pretty much been in this same position 2 years ago - on the verge of jumping and ending it all - how could Ryan not have recognised him.
"You do remember then?" he said.
Ryan nodded. Brendon Urie; the boy Ryan had 'saved'.
"You remember what you told me that night?" he asked, bringing his hands to rest on his hips.
Ryan did, so he nodded. He felt like such a hypocrite.
"And you told me what, Ryan?" Brendon prompted, now shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
"I told you.." Ryan started shakily. "I told you, life is gonna fuck you hard, so just keep living to show life you can fuck it back."
Brendon nodded in approval. "Ryan, when you told me that it made sense to me. Does it not make sense to you, or were you just preaching that night?" A frown had now spread across his face.
Ryan buried his head in his hands for a moment and then looked back up so that he could meet Brendon's eyes. "I told you that to save you, to stop you. I believed it then, 2 years ago it would've made sense to me but now nothing makes sense anymore and I don't know what to believe." he sighed.
"You saved me 2 years ago, Ryan, you did. Now it's my turn to save you. You can't die tonight Ryan. I mean it. What about all the people who love you?" Brendon's voice had started to become choked with tears. "What will they think? How will they cope when you're gone?"
"There isn't anyone who loves me anymore. If I was dead no one would care." Ryan answered in a dull monotone.
Brendon ran his hand through his hair. Ryan was in a dreadful place. He only wished that after that night 2 years ago he could've told Ryan how much he cared about him. He cared what happened to Ryan, but Ryan didn't know that. Even now Ryan didn't know that because, like the scared little boy he was, Brendon had never told him.
Suddenly Ryan moved closer to the cliff edge and tried to slip over the edge. Brendon moved quickly and brought Ryan to the ground.
"Don't!" he said as his body laid pressed on top of Ryans.
"You, don't!" Ryan cried. "Leave me alone!"
Brendon stared at the boy who he still had pinned underneath him. Tears were filling his brown eyes.
"Just let me go!" he yelled trying to get Brendon off him. "Just let me do it!" he pleaded desperately.
How could he have watched Ryan hurt for so long and not've done anything about it?
"No!" Brendon yelled back, pinning Ryan's flailing arms to the dirt either side of his head. "Ryan, I won't let you do it."
Ryan turned his head so he could look Brendon in the eyes. "Why?" he asked hoarsely.
"Why?" Brendon echoed. "Because I would care if you were gone. That's why."
"What?" Ryan looked shocked for a moment, then he shook his head. "Stop it!" he shouted, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Brendon rolled off him and released his wrists.
"I'm not going to lie so that you can convince yourself that jumping off this cliff is alright. I won't give you that."
Ryan sat upright next to Brendon. "I don't want you to." Ryan said, grasping Brendon's hands. "I just wanted someone to care." Tears had formed in his eyes and now he was trying to blink them away.
"I care." Brendon said. "I've cared for so long Ryan."
"You never said anything." Ryan said softly.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was too scared to." Brendon replied.
Brendon pulled Ryan into a hug, holding on tightly.
"Brendon, I cared two years ago. I cared about you and I never said anything because I was too scared."
Brendon pulled out of the embrace. "Fear is a fucker." Brendon sighed. Ryan nodded.
"Fear is a fucker." He echoed. "Fear amongst many other things." Brendon pulled Ryan back into the hug.
Here were two boys, in a tight embrace, sitting in the dirt on the cliff top that had almost been a tool to ending both of their lives.
Things were always better late then never.
"This is it Ryan Ross, this is your ending." he muttered quietly to no one but himself.
"Why?" It wasn't Ryan who spoke.
Startled, Ryan spun around to face whoever it was that had spoken. It was dark and the sliver of the moon only illuminated what little it could. Ryan couldn't see anyone.
"Who's there?" he demanded angrily. Why couldn't anyone just leave him alone, ever.
He heard footsteps approach and then someone stepped forward and finally Ryan could see who it was. He looked somewhat familiar but the dimness of the light wasn't enough for Ryan to be able to fully see the person's face.
"You don't remember, do you?" the person asked. He had moved so that he was less than a metre away from Ryan.
Ryan could now make out more of his features; he had black hair, brown eyes, pale skin and large full lips. His eyes shone in what little moonlight there was.
As if taking his silence as a no, he continued to elaborate. "Remember; this same spot, 2 years ago." he raised his eyebrows waiting for an answer and hoping that he would remember.
Suddenly Ryan's eyes flashed with recognition. "You." he breathed. This was the boy who had pretty much been in this same position 2 years ago - on the verge of jumping and ending it all - how could Ryan not have recognised him.
"You do remember then?" he said.
Ryan nodded. Brendon Urie; the boy Ryan had 'saved'.
"You remember what you told me that night?" he asked, bringing his hands to rest on his hips.
Ryan did, so he nodded. He felt like such a hypocrite.
"And you told me what, Ryan?" Brendon prompted, now shoving his hands into the pockets of his jacket.
"I told you.." Ryan started shakily. "I told you, life is gonna fuck you hard, so just keep living to show life you can fuck it back."
Brendon nodded in approval. "Ryan, when you told me that it made sense to me. Does it not make sense to you, or were you just preaching that night?" A frown had now spread across his face.
Ryan buried his head in his hands for a moment and then looked back up so that he could meet Brendon's eyes. "I told you that to save you, to stop you. I believed it then, 2 years ago it would've made sense to me but now nothing makes sense anymore and I don't know what to believe." he sighed.
"You saved me 2 years ago, Ryan, you did. Now it's my turn to save you. You can't die tonight Ryan. I mean it. What about all the people who love you?" Brendon's voice had started to become choked with tears. "What will they think? How will they cope when you're gone?"
"There isn't anyone who loves me anymore. If I was dead no one would care." Ryan answered in a dull monotone.
Brendon ran his hand through his hair. Ryan was in a dreadful place. He only wished that after that night 2 years ago he could've told Ryan how much he cared about him. He cared what happened to Ryan, but Ryan didn't know that. Even now Ryan didn't know that because, like the scared little boy he was, Brendon had never told him.
Suddenly Ryan moved closer to the cliff edge and tried to slip over the edge. Brendon moved quickly and brought Ryan to the ground.
"Don't!" he said as his body laid pressed on top of Ryans.
"You, don't!" Ryan cried. "Leave me alone!"
Brendon stared at the boy who he still had pinned underneath him. Tears were filling his brown eyes.
"Just let me go!" he yelled trying to get Brendon off him. "Just let me do it!" he pleaded desperately.
How could he have watched Ryan hurt for so long and not've done anything about it?
"No!" Brendon yelled back, pinning Ryan's flailing arms to the dirt either side of his head. "Ryan, I won't let you do it."
Ryan turned his head so he could look Brendon in the eyes. "Why?" he asked hoarsely.
"Why?" Brendon echoed. "Because I would care if you were gone. That's why."
"What?" Ryan looked shocked for a moment, then he shook his head. "Stop it!" he shouted, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. Brendon rolled off him and released his wrists.
"I'm not going to lie so that you can convince yourself that jumping off this cliff is alright. I won't give you that."
Ryan sat upright next to Brendon. "I don't want you to." Ryan said, grasping Brendon's hands. "I just wanted someone to care." Tears had formed in his eyes and now he was trying to blink them away.
"I care." Brendon said. "I've cared for so long Ryan."
"You never said anything." Ryan said softly.
"I know. I'm sorry. I was too scared to." Brendon replied.
Brendon pulled Ryan into a hug, holding on tightly.
"Brendon, I cared two years ago. I cared about you and I never said anything because I was too scared."
Brendon pulled out of the embrace. "Fear is a fucker." Brendon sighed. Ryan nodded.
"Fear is a fucker." He echoed. "Fear amongst many other things." Brendon pulled Ryan back into the hug.
Here were two boys, in a tight embrace, sitting in the dirt on the cliff top that had almost been a tool to ending both of their lives.
Things were always better late then never.
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