I could only shake my head, knowing all too well that he was speaking nonsense. Kaoru was never late. Never
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I could feel eyes on me as I paced back and forth, from wall to wall, in the lounge. They said nothing, though. Already knowing the reason behind my actions. Where was he? He was late...and it wasn't like him to be late. Well, not this late, anyway. I continued pacing with my cell phone in one hand, and a much needed cancer stick in the other. I have no idea how long I've been on the phone, listening to the constant ringing in hopes that he'd answer his phone.
"Kyo-chan, he'll be here. Stop worrying. " Shinya said, being the first of us to break the silence.
I could only shake my head, knowing all too well that he was speaking nonsense. Kaoru was never late. Never. He was always early, or he'd have stayed over night the night before to get work done. It took me a moment to realize that I had stopped pacing, and I was staring at one of the vending machines blankly, which I had earned myself an odd stare from Toshiya. It was then I noticed the phone was still ringing, and there was still no answer from Kaoru, so I hung up.
"Maybe he's sick?" Toshiya suggested. Die and Shinya looked to each other before turning their gaze to me. Having been around this group so long, I knew what they were saying without them having to say it.
"Maybe, I'm not buying that. Die. Shinya." I snarled out, snapping my gaze to each of them as their name was bitten out. They had fallen silent again, and I finally let out a sigh and gave my legs a break and sat down on the floor with my back pressed against the front of the couch.
"Then, maybe we should go check on him." Die retorted almost nastily, as if trying to show that he had some sort of dominance over me.
Hah, yeah right. In my opinion, when it came to Die being dominant, he was nothing but a little bitch. Then again, I may just be getting a little cocky because I don't know where Kaoru's disappeared to, and I'm left confused as to why he wont answer his phone. Another sigh escapes my lips, and I allow my head to hang. My hands subconsciously reach up and I run my fingers through my hair.
"I'll go." I say, as I stand up and brush myself off. Mentally, not physically. "I may be coming back with him, so you three better stay here and tune up." It was only a suggestion, really, but I guess it worked because the others had agreed and watched me walk out the door.
No matter how many times he moved, his apartment had never stayed more than five blocks from the studio. Smart choice, though. I guess he had learned after making the mistake of letting Die and I take his car for a test drive, and he had to walk more than 2 miles to get to work. Not our fault, he should've known better than to give keys to somebody who had gotten their license taken from them two months before hand for reckless driving.
Alas, making my way through the busy street, I had made it to Kaoru's apartment and I was now standing in front of his door, staring at the ugly B7 it had carved into it.
"Now what kind of fucked up shit is that?" I ask, now taking the first time to notice that it was carved into the door, and not a sticker or something of the sort. I shook the question off, though. It wasn't important right now. Getting an answer as to why Kaoru hadn't shown up was important.
Knock. Knock. Knock. Pause. No answer. I frown when I hear nothing, so I reach out for the doorknob and give it a small jiggle. It's open? Now, that's a surprise. I push the door open gently, and make my way inside, looking around curiously but carefully.
"Kaoru-san?" I call, closing the door behind me, and wander further into the complex.
Still, I get no answer so my pace quickens a little until I reach the living room. He's sitting there. Just...staring, as if he had gone off into a totally different world. The sight makes me almost uneasy, but I wander further until I'm merely feet from him, and his guitar which had somehow found a way to the floor. That sight alone made me frown, but I looked back to the elder male.
I think it was at that moment my world had stopped spinning, and everything seemed to be stuck in one place.
"You...what?" I ask, but I don't know why. I understood what he was saying, I just didn't want to believe it.
"I said I quit. I'm done." He said again, and I watched as he kicked his guitar across the wooden floor.
"You can't just quit, Kaoru." I said, trying my hardest not to get angry.
"Yeah, I can. I just did. So, there." He said, shrugging it off like it was nothing.
"Nothing...do we mean nothing, Kaoru? Does Dir en Grey mean nothing?" I could feel the blood in my body start to boil.
"What kind of question is that?"
"Well, you seemed like you could give a fuck less, Kaoru. So, is that what we really are? What the band is? Just a load of bullshit and a total waste of your time?" I ask in a cocky tone, but Kaoru's blank stare hadn't gone away.
"Of course not. I just can't do this anymore, I'm too old for it."
"That's a stupid excuse, Kaoru! Too old my ass!" I hiss and ball my hands into fists tightly, and my knuckles began to turn white. "You made this band, Niikura! We've gotten this far, and now you're just quitting?! What are the others going to think?! You're abandoning us! Leaving us all out in the cold, expecting us to explain to everybody why Dir en Grey is no longer a band! How could you do that to us?! How....how could you do that to me..?"
The last part of my outburst had fallen, and I hated that it did. I remember watching Kaoru's features finally show something, and it made me feel like I was going to burst into a fit of sobs any moment.
"Very carefully." He replied coldly, making my entire body freeze at the words. So..this is how it really was? He was really leaving us all behind without any explanation? I didn't understand! My mind was swimming with so many things...and those harsh words had been the straw that broke the camels back.
"FUCK YOU!" I remember yelling, but it didn't sound like my voice...I knew very well it was mine, but...was it really me? I was losing my grip. I was slipping, and it felt like I was being taken out of my body.
I guess that's when I fell to my knees and began to sob. I tried so hard to keep them back, but I guess it wasn't hard enough. I didn't fully understand why I was crying, or why Kaoru had moved down onto the floor and wrapped his arms around me. I didn't understand why he tried comforting me, but most of all, I didn't understand why it worked. Why I had calmed down with just being in those arms.
"Please, don't be angry, Kyo." He pleads, his voice no longer monotone.
"Then, please, don't leave..." I beg, as pathetic as it sounds...
I stare at him with pleading, watering, eyes. He only frowns in return, and I know already that there was no changing his mind...so I gave up right then and there. I shivered as I suddenly felt a cold breeze, the tears in my eyes spilling quicker than they had been earlier.
I remember....remember when he leaned forward, and kissed me gently. Never in my life had I felt so high. Unfortunately, it didn't last long. He pulled away and apologized.
It's been years now since Dir en Grey broke up. From what I hear, Kaoru's become a huge music manager in America. Die set off home to Mie, something about wanting to start a family now that the lime light was out. Shinya seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth, but I do see him and Toshiya shopping together sometimes. Some things never change. I myself...stopped talking to everybody.
It's a sad day when you're left behind....