Sometimes he wondered who would miss him if he vanished.
Sometimes the hectic days lasted for more than a day, sometimes even a week. Then, Rufus knew that this precariously balanced world would be nowhere without him: after all, he was the one who gave it permission to keep moving. He gave the orders to his men, and made sure they were carried out. Rufus signed the forms, and decided where the money was spent, and where his army would go next. He had a world of responsibility before him, and this company was his now-his company to protect and expand, and he wasn't going to let anything topple the kingdom his family had so painstakingly built and shaped.
But then there were the other days, where he was so fed up with this shit and he wanted to go back to his childhood and grow up like a normal child. He didn't want to do this anymore. Fighting to keep his company going amidst the uncertainties before them was a staggeringly overwhelming task that made Rufus miss the innocence of youth. Before Sephiroth. Before Meteor. Before all the bad things had happened to him and the greed had all gone to his poor father's weak mind and started this whole mess. He missed the days where he was just the child of a rich man, wondering what it would be like to be a normal child, without having everything handed to him, without being forced into school so early, and rushed through it.
Rufus still wondered. He wondered occasionally what would happen if he just vanished and left his company there. Who would really miss him? It wasn't as though he had anybody he could really call family, aside from his Turks. Some days, he wondered too if they would miss him, were he to leave. If he left, would his Turks come hunting for him, or would they stay to protect whomever he chose to inherit his company? Sometimes he thought it would be nice to vanish and leave nobody at his back to come and find him. If nobody cared, he could have a normal and stress free life.
But he couldn't. The nagging possibility that there would be nobody to miss him, not even his own precious Turks, forced him to stay chained to his oversized desk, where he could work to keep his company running and his few loved ones safe and under his eyes. If he were being honest with himself, he would say that perhaps it was the thought that if he vanished, the world would move on fine without him, and all his time and effort had meant nothing to a mass of people who depended on him for their paychecks and their lifestyle. This was his world now, and he would not allow it to operate without his permission or his presence. He needed the Planet now as much as the people on it needed him to keep things running smoothly. Rufus would be there, the guiding hand behind it as Shinra saved the world from Meteor, bringing it safely and happily into a new era of peace with Sephiroth gone, and all threats to Shinra's power taken care of.
And then everything came crashing around him, and Rufus counted himself lucky that he was not conscious to see the world fall down. When things ended, and he came to, reality quickly put him in his place. His own ego had been his downfall, and the people no longer needed Shinra to live. Alternate energy sources were being found. Midgar had been destroyed. He was a king without a name or a crown, a harsh lesson learned well, and no one to blame for it but himself.
In the end, Rufus discovered that all he had when he vanished were the few he had always depended on, the ones who had stood by his decisions loyally, counted him as their own, and cared for his life with theirs.
When it came down to, he supposed, that was all that mattered.