I looked at my watch. If he didn't get here in five minutes, we'd be too late for the movie.
I sighed out in frustration and sat down in my desk chair.
Twenty minutes later and an elaborate plan on how I was going to kill Pete, my phone rang.
"Hello?" I answered quietly. I was more than upset.
"IZ!" Patrick yelled into the phone.
It was loud where ever he was.
"Patrick?" I yelled back.
"Iz, what are you doing?" he asked.
"Nothing," I mumbled.
"What?" he yelled.
"Patrick, where are you?" I asked getting frustrated easily.
"Pete and I are at The Underground. There's a good cover band here tonight. You should come join us!" he said loudly.
"Pete's with you?" I asked irritated.
"Yeah, hold on!" he said.
I heard the background noise of people talking loudly and laughing and my anger rose higher into my chest.
"Hello?" I heard Pete yell.
"Did you forget something?" I yelled.
"Izzy! Hey, babe," he said happily.
"Gad Damn It, Pete!" I yelled. He was so oblivious.
"What? What'd I do?" he asked laughing, which caused me to only get angrier.
"You shit! We were supposed to have a date tonight!" I yelled pacing my room.
"Shit, Izzy, I'm sorry," he said finally realizing why I was so angry.
"You promised, Pete. You promised!" I yelled.
"I know! Get off my ass, alright! I forgot. What more do you want me to say?" he said getting angry himself.
"You know what? Forget it. Just go off and have fun with your friends," I said lying back on my bed.
I was tired of coming second to everything else.
"Knock it off, Izzy. You always have to act like such a little victim," Pete spat at me.
I looked at my phone in shock. I was speechless. I had no idea where these cruel words were coming from.
I didn't have anything to say to him, so I just hung up.
Not more than a minute later did my phone ring, but I just turned it off not wanting to talk to anyone, especially Pete.
I pulled the covers over myself and tried not to think about him and his cruel words, but they stung. Why was he being so mean? Was I always playing the victim? Was it so wrong to want to spend a night with my boyfriend?
I laid there with my thoughts when I heard the front door open and footsteps quietly walk up the stairs. I kept the covers over my head. Maybe if he thought I was sleeping he would go away. I didn't want to fight.
"Iz," I heard him say relieved from the doorway.
I pulled the covers from my face and saw Patrick standing above me.
"Patrick? What are you doing here?" I asked trying to hold back tears.
"I heard Pete's side of your conversation and you wouldn't answer your phone, so I thought I should come check on you," he said sitting down lightly on the bed brushing tears off my face.
"He forgot about me again," I said crying.
"I'm sorry, Iz. If I would have known that you two had plans I never would have mentioned going to the club," Patrick said apologetically.
"It's not your fault, Trix," I said sighing as he wiped my tears away again.
I reached for his hand and held it to my cheek looking up into his eyes.
"Iz," he whispered.
"Shh," I said pulling him towards me.
Patrick leaned down looking into my eyes with worry. He placed his lips softly on mine and pulled away quickly. It was a short kiss, but one that I felt through my entire body. I needed his soft touch and compassion.
"Will you lay with me?" I asked.
"I shouldn't," he shook his head.
"Please," I pleaded.
Patrick sighed deeply as he fought hard with his internal thoughts.
"Ok," he nodded and crawled into bed wrapping his arms around me tightly.
"Better?" he asked into my ear.
"Why are you always the one to come save me?" I asked enjoying the feeling of his body next to mine.
"Pete doesn't know what he's missing," Patrick said and kissed the back of my head.
I just closed my eyes tightly in order to stop the tears from falling.
"God damn it, Pete. What did you do?"
I opened my eyes and noticed that I was lying on the bathroom floor.
"I am so fucking tired of picking up after you, Pete. What ever you did, you fucking broke that girl into a million pieces and now she's lying on the bathroom floor not willing to talk or move!" I heard Patrick yell through the cracked open bathroom door.
"NO! Not this time, Pete. You are going to fix this. YOU are going to fix her!" Patrick yelled upset.
I scrunched my face up with confusion. I had never heard Patrick yell like that before. He was upset.
I slowly got myself up off the bathroom floor feeling a head rush as I did so. I stood in the door watching Patrick pace back and forth. I was still only clad in a sheet and I clutched it tightly to my body.
"Fine. Yeah, alright. Bye," Patrick said and hung up his phone staring down at it.
I moved slightly and the door creaked open more causing Patrick to look my way.
"Did I wake you?" he asked.
"It's alright," I nodded.
Patrick walked over to me and wrapped me in a hug.
"Are you ok?" he whispered.
I just nodded. I knew that my voice would fail me if I tried to talk.
"Come on," Patrick said leading me towards the bed.
I laid down but kept my grip on his arms. He looked down on me with confusion.
"Lay with me," I whispered looking into his eyes.
I needed to feel his comfort and warmth.
Patrick didn't say anything. He just nodded and laid down behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around me.
I immediately started crying.
"Iz?" Patrick asked turning me over to face him.
"I love you, Patrick," I said still crying.
"I love you too," he said sounding a little worried by my emotional breakdown when he wrapped his arms around me.
"You are always here to rescue me, but I can't help to feel horrible because I wish that it was someone else doing the rescuing. I'm sorry, Trix," I cried.
"Don't be sorry, Iz. None of this is your fault," Patrick said wiping away my tears.
"I should have known better. I should have known better than to let him into my room last night," I said sternly.
"Iz, stop it. Stop blaming yourself," Patrick said with his hands cupping my face as he leaned over me.
I looked up into Patrick's caring eyes and felt my heart beat slightly faster. Why was it that his looks could make me crumble so easily? My thoughts began running wild and visions of Pete, JB and Patrick raced through them.
I closed my eyes tightly and turned on my side keeping Patrick's arms around me tightly. I just wanted to sleep. I wanted to sleep and forget this whole trip to Chicago ever happened.
I heard the insistent knocking on my apartment door and I looked at the clock. It was 9:00 at night. Who would be knocking on my door at this time?
I got out of my bed and jumped over my suitcase. I had been home for two days now, but I lacked the energy to do anything but lay in bed.
I opened the door and crack and was taken back by the sight before me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked shocked opening the door wider.
Two girls stood before me with concerned looks on their faces. The brunette with long flowing hair lifted up the object in her hand.
"Therapy," Crystal said holding the gallon of ice cream up in front of my face.
"We have some serious talking to do, missy," the blonde spitfire said now pushing her way into my apartment.
"Katy, I don't want to talk about it," I said sighing as the girls walked straight to my kitchen grabbing three serving sized spoons.
"Well that's bullshit," Katy said simply.
"She's got a point, Izzy. You want to talk about this or else you wouldn't have called me crying the moment you got home from Chicago," Crystal said grabbing my arm and leading me towards the couch.
"Besides, we lived together for four years in college. I think I know you well enough to know when you want to talk," Katy said plopping down next to me with spoons in her hand.
I just smiled to myself. These girls did know me too well. They were there with me through thick and thin. That's what happens when you are forced to live with two people you've never met your freshman year of college. We had to be there for each other. We were all that we had.
Katy and Crystal were there through it all though; my pain of losing Pete and then years later with my pain of loosing Patrick. Even though they never met these boys, they were understanding and compassionate. These girls were my rocks.
"What's going on, Izzy," Crystal asked putting her arm around me and reaching for the ice cream with another.
"I messed up. I messed up big time," I said quietly resting the back of my head on Crystal's arm.
"So, what did you do?" Katy asked putting ice cream in her mouth.
"I slept with Pete," I said simply.
The spoon in Katy's mouth immediately fell out onto her lap. It was silent as both girls processed what I had just disclosed. I reached forward and handed Katy a napkin and sat back again. I was expecting this reaction from them. It wasn't judgmental, it was just shock.
"I'm sorry, dear. What did you just say?" Katy asked wiping the ice cream off her lap.
"I slept with Pete," I said again closing my eyes tight trying desperately to get the image of him hovering over me, breathing deeply and causing my heart to beat wildly in my chest out of my head.
"Izzy, wow," Crystal said still in shock.
"What happened with Jeremy?" Katy asked taking another spoon of ice cream.
I think this was more shocking than what either was expecting.
"We had a fight," I said now taking a spoon full of ice cream.
"About him," I finished.
"Izzy, wow," Crystal said again.
"Alright, Crystal, we get it. You're shocked. Could you use some more vocabulary please," Katy said leaning over to look around me at Crystal.
"Sorry," Crystal said quietly helping herself to ice cream.
Katy leaned back and looked at me. She was thinking about what to say next, I could tell by the look in her eyes.
"Well, was it any good?" Katy asked.
"Katy!" Crystal yelled in shock.
"Well, was it? The boy is delicious looking. He must be good in the sack," Katy defended herself.
I just shook my head and laughed slightly. The way these two interacted was too funny at times.
"Katy, she's obviously upset about the fact that she slept with him, maybe we could hold off on how good the sex was till she has had a moment to heal," Crystal offered.
Katy just brushed her off with a wave of her hand and looked back at me.
"Well?" Katy asked again.
Crystal sat back on the couch with a huff.
"It was," I started searching for the right words to explain. I kept thinking about his hands on my body, the way his breath felt on my skin, his lips over mine.
I closed my eyes and allowed tears to fall down my cheeks.
"Oh, Izzy," Crystal said sympathetically.
"That good, huh?" Katy said simply.
Crystal cast a warning glance at Katy and Katy just shrugged back.
"I'm so stupid!" I cried putting my hands up to my face.
"You are not stupid," Crystal said back.
"Izzy, what exactly happened?" Katy asked now with sympathy in her voice.
I took a deep breath and told them the entire story starting with bumping into the boys on the street to falling asleep in Patrick's arms after Pete had abandoned me. Almost a gallon of ice cream later both girls had tears running down their cheeks.
"Well, we are just going to have to go to California and kick him in the balls," Katy said wiping the tears from her eyes.
I laughed slightly wiping at my own tears.
"Thank god Patrick was there," Crystal said.
I just nodded.
"What are you going to do about Jeremy?" Katy asked turning the tone to serious.
"I don't know," I said taking a deep breath.
"Well, I think you should just forget that whole Chicago trip ever happened," Crystal said leaning back slightly.
"You don't think I should tell him?" I asked shocked.
"No way. No one needs to know," Crystal said.
"I agree. Fuck Peter and his peener. Jeremy is more of a man than he will ever be," Katy said taking Crystal's side.
"I don't deserve to be with him. He deserves better," I said looking down at my hands.
"You do so deserve him, Izzy. You don't deserve to be treated the way Pete has treated you over the course of your life. You deserve to be with someone who loves you and can show you that in a healthy way. Jeremy loves you," Crystal said with a gentle hand on my shoulder.
"And sometimes people get weak, Izzy. It happens, just don't let it happen again," Katy said finishing Crystal's thoughts.
I smiled slightly and nodded. They were right. I needed to forget the Chicago trip and Pete completely.
My phone buzzed across the coffee table causing us all to jump and laugh.
"Hello?" I chuckled into the phone.
"Izzy," he breathed deeply.
I didn't say anything. I couldn't believe he was calling me. I wasn't expecting to see or hear from him again.
"Izzy, are you there?" he asked confused after I didn't respond.
I couldn't say anything.
"Izzy, who's on the phone?" Katy asked noticing my expression.
"I understand if you have nothing to say to me, but I want you to listen to what I have to say to you. I'm sorry about that night in Chicago. I never meant for things to go as far as they did. I showed up at your hotel room door because I wanted to make sure you were ok. What you said to me at the club about me messing with your head; I never meant to do that to you. It's just...when I saw you on the street after five years I was bombarded with all these emotions that I had long forgot and I didn't know how to deal with them. After we made love, I knew I had to go. I knew I had to go because you have someone else and so do I. I loved you, Izzy, but not anymore. I'm sorry," he said quietly.
Tears were streaming down my face. Both Katy and Crystal were looking on with concern.
"But you said forever to me," I whispered. I just heard Pete sigh on the other end.
I felt the phone being ripped from my hands as I stood up and ran into the bathroom for yet another fest of puking. Crystal went after me. I took a deep breath and heard Katy's voice loud and clear. She was angry.
"Listen here you little piss ant. If you ever hurt my friend again, I will personally find you and rip off your balls one at a time," she spat out.
I lunged forward into the toilet upon hearing her words and Crystal instinctively went to hold back my hair as all girlfriends do.
"I think I scared him," Katy said from the doorway once she got off the phone with Pete.