Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > I'm Barely Holding On

I'm Barely Holding On

by hyperballad13 5 Reviews

"me vs The World" = Madina Lake

Category: Fall Out Boy - Rating: G - Genres: Romance - Characters:  - Published: 2007/04/10 - Updated: 2007/04/10 - 1598 words - Complete

She sat crossed legged upon her bed. The journal opened in her lap and she softly flicked from page to page. A tear fell onto the writing that had already started to fade. April breathed in and wiped the trickle that slowly cascaded down the side of her cheek. The memories swept through her veins; the setting of her old British home, the smells of her teenaged years, the thoughts and secluded lust that had captivated her so visually. She remembered it all.

Her heart panged inside her chest, the feeling of success sweeping over her, how she had made a name for herself with her writing. Churning out poems, lyrics and novels until her hand and thoughts ached. Ever since she was 15 she had not the ability to turn off her talent, spilling out words as though they were flittering away from her. Often she would stare around her new surroundings. The apartment she had always dreamed of, overlooking the breathtaking lights of the Chicago city. The friends she had grown fond of, once famous faces she had admired. Truth was, she had everything she desired. Almost everything.

She focused her attention on one important name, scrawled across numerous amounts of pages. Patrick. April let the name whisper softly into her system, the name which haunted her as a teenager now a name of friendship. Instead of holding a flame for him, she hung around, laughing and sharing interests like any acquaintances do. She knew that he had someone, and there was no interest in her. And perhaps that is why she flooded out the longing for him with every fantasy her former self had written.

The door to her apartment swung open slightly as she heard footsteps coming in. Sensing exactly who it would be she closed the journal shut and flung it to the floor, hoping he would neither see it nor read.

"April?" his voice still sent shivers down the back of her spine; it was smothered in a cool deep American accent.

"Yeah" she said, her voice she choked in sobs, "I'm in here Patrick."

Without any delay the door to her bedroom opened and she smiled, falsely, at him. Her eyes ran over his appearance, casually dressed with jeans coating his thin thighs and a yellow and blue striped t-shirt hiding his teddy bear like frame. A hat poised on a throne of hair covered his imperfections and his glasses hid sparkling green jewels. She skimmed over his mouth, half cocked in a smile and she could feel her heart falling, faster with every second she drank his appearance.


"What are you doing in here?" he asked, leaning against the door frame.

April shrugged her shoulders to brush of the question, "Nothing, just....sitting."

Patrick padded over to her; she closed her eyes as the pressure of his weight caused the bed to sink and her body to slide into his. She felt tingles as his thigh brushed against hers; "Are you okay?" he asked naively, "It looks like you've been crying,"

"Erm me? Crying?" she tried to giggled off the accusation, "No no no no, this is me Patrick, I don't cry."

He frowned at her and wrapped one of his arms into her, "Really?" Because it kinda looks like you have."

"Oh don't be silly..." she tapped him lightly and nudged into the crook of her arm, she sighed, "you're a guy, you'll never understand."

"You could try me...." He said, "I'm not completely insensitive."

"Yes I know that," she replied in barely more than, "But there are some things, best kept a secret, if you know what I mean."

"Hmmm," he said, not entirely convinced, still he kissed her lightly on the forehead, "I know how I can cheer you up."

"Oh oh sounds like a plan" she muttered, "what is it? Ray Charlesness?"

"ha ha no," he lowered his tone, "this."

To which he started to tickle her. Now, unknown to most people, April was perhaps the easiest target for tickling and Patrick knew it, he grabbed her sides and dug his fingers into her sensitive skin. She threw her body back and began to scream in annoyance but with laughter. He leaned over her reclined body and tickled her flailing but failing body. Both of them were in fits of giggles upon her bed.

"No no no Patrick get off me, GET OFF ME!" she echoed out the bedroom.

"Ha ha ha nope."

"This could be classed as harassment," she smirked at him, "God get off me" she reached out her arms to fight back, only was not met with much success.

"What are you doing?" he said to her, grabbing one of her wrists and pinning it down beside her.


"I'm trying to stop you," she moaned back.

He grabbed the other one and pinned it down on the side next to her, leaning his body so he was completely over her. They stopped laughing as their eyes met, a connection throwing sparks between them. She lay still as all she could feel was Patrick's warmth breath across her face and his heaving chest rise and fall against her own. For a moment, they were completely frozen, staring at each other with nothing more than the sound of their breathing. Patrick took the moment, placing his head into hers so that the tip of his nose touched hers, he could hear the falter in the breath.

That is when April turned away from him, wriggling out of his clasp and sitting up on the bed, "I can't do this Patrick."

She went to walk away from the bed when Patrick grabbed her hand and pulled her into her previous position. April felt the tears begin to line her eyelids, Patrick was quiet. Taking in her scent, the passion for him emanating off her like the sweetest perfume. He could trace every detail, her watering eyes, beating pulse and quivering lips,

"You have a girlfriend," she said to him.

Patrick placed his lips against hers, surprised as to when she pressed back, groaning slightly into his lips. He let go of her hands and she caressed his face momentarily before breaking apart from the kiss she had yearned for most of her life.

"I have you" he replied, moving in for another, more deeper, kiss. She let his lips brush over hers before pushing him away against her wishes. She stood at the end of the bed, sadness pouring down her cheeks. She bent down much to Patrick's confusion and picked up the journal on the floor. She threw it so it seated next to him.

"Take it and leave me. Read it alone, maybe you'll understand, and maybe, you'll stop hurting me," she said, her hair covering her eyes.

"April?" Patrick asked bewildered as he removed himself from her bed, not knowing when or how he had ever hurt her.

"Just, go Patrick." April stormed out of her bedroom where Patrick could hear the water hit a glass. He followed her and watched a tight grip upon a glass, and April taking large shaking gulps.

"April, please?"

"Patrick, I am asking you, just leave me."

Patrick bowed his head and walked out the door, taking in huge deep breaths of sorrow as he made his way home, April's journal constantly with him. He placed the keys in the door and turned it to match the turning of thoughts in his head. From the bedroom the light snores of his girlfriend came out and he sighed as he sat on the kitchen stool. Flicking on a light and furrowing his head as he read each word, one by one.

~@~

April sat upon the sofa, her knees placed up against her chin. Her bloodshot eyes straining from the lack of sleep she had, each cell pale in contrast to the flushed red in her cheeks. Upon her face were dried stains of regret, lingering to show battle wounds of a heart. She had been so foolish, so immature with the matters of her heart; she treaded without grace and poise. And instead she fell into an abyss where she had let his hold on her go.

From the depths of her emotion, the hovel of her woe, a knock resonated throughout. She cocked her head slightly and the rhythm she was hearing. Three times, then silence, and then faster knocks upon the wood.

"April, April please open up," April now lifted her head fully at the shouts coming from Patrick, "April we need to talk don't you think?"

April lifted her heavy self from her seat and bounded over to the door. Fiddling with the locks she opened the door, without a word Patrick lunged forward, reaching to grab her and kissed her with eagerness. She stumbled back with him still attached to her lips. Breathless he broke apart;

"Patrick what are you doing?"

"I read, I read everything, there was a lot, but I read it all," he whispered into her, "You're amazing, did you know that?"

"What?" She said holding on to his arms wrapped around her, "Patrick - I- What about?"

"What about who?" he smirked, "I've left her, I've left her for you."

"I -" Patrick stopped as he placed his fingers against her lips.

"I love you," he muttered, meeting her eyes with truth and honesty.

April leaned and kissed him, closing the door behind him. They separated, filling to the brim with new chapters, new moments, she swirled her hands around his neck, leaning her forehead against his, "I love you too."

****
Ciao Bella
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