Phil explains his relationship with Steve and how Steve's life ended.
Hysteria was our best selling album and still is to this day thus far. Joe's voice was amazing, Steve's riffs were nothing less then mind blowing and the thunder god Rick Allen was back. Sav and me had some awesome solos on it and it was in the best albums ever list. Steve helped make that album, Steve helped make us as suscessful as we were at the time.
The day was January 8th, 1991 and that's when I got one of the worst calls of my life. My manager said 'they found Steve' and I knew from there what he meant. The saddest part was I wasn't the least bit shocked, I was a little surprised but not shocked. None of us were because we thought we'd get the call someday. We knew he drank a lot but how can you help someone who won't accept your help?
It started in 1987, his drinking problem wasn't really a problem then but he drank some and I drank with him. We were always together and always causing trouble and that's why they called us the terror twins. We'd always pass out in bars and sleep in each other's bed and hang out together. We weren't only best friends, we were lovers and we really loved each other. We couldn't be torn apart, no matter what happened, we were always together. The other guys knew how close we were and never minded since Joe and Sav were sleeping together.
After I bought an expensive watch, I decided to get clean and that broke me and Steve up because he didn't believe he had a problem. it only got worse from there; at rehearsal, Steve would make small errors and that made him feel like he wasn't good enough, which caused him to drink more. At first we had no clue he felt that way but when he started saying he'd understand if we fired him, we knew then. I had to sit him down plently of times and tell him he was good for the band and me. He gave me a half smile and kissed me and that night we got together.
"See this is why I love you Phil," Steve smirked.
"Well anytime you need me, I'm here and by the way, I love you too," I replied.
"Thank you Phil, I needed to hear that," Steve smiled.
"I'd be willing to repeat it over and over again," I told him.
"Thanks,"Steve smiled again.
"You're welcome," I said.
Our relationship got better and better but his drinking got worse and worse. On stage, he was a guitar god but off stage he was depressed and sad. Soon we broke up again and he got engaged to a girl named Loretei. She just made him more depressed and his drinking was at it's worst now. he called me up one day at my place and said he had to come over so I told him to go ahead. Steve walked in my house shaking and sweating and I knew something was wrong and it had to do with his drinking.
"Are you ok?" I asked.
"Phil, look at me, this is what it has come down to, I'm like this every day now." Steve said as he sat down on the couch.
"You look bad," I sighed.
"Damn it, I know," he hissed.
"Calm down Steve, I didn't mean it that way," I told him.
"I know," He mumbled.
"You need help Steve," I sighed and sat next to him.
"Then help me Phil, please help me," He muttered.
"I'll do all I can," I whispered and hugged him.
"Please help me," He said, still shaking some.
"I will, I promise," I whispered.
"Oh Phil," He sighed and rested his head on my shoulder.
I tried to help him, he went to many rehabs but he always came back even more depressed before. One night on stage, he fell and broke his ribs and he started taking pain killer, which I could understand. On top of that, he was taking depression pills too though and we all wanted to help him so badly.
In 1990, during the making of Adrenalize, we knew we had to do something and fast before we lost him. We gave him six months to help himself get better and clean up his act and I think that's where we messed up because he got more depressed. Before that six months was up, he died from a mix of alcohol and pills. We were all torn apart by his death and his furneral was very sad and upsetting for us all. Just the thought of never being able to see our best friend...my lover again was awful. To top it off that damn gold-digging fiancee of his tried to sue for everything of his but luckily got nothing.
I wanted to leave the band, it was no fun anymore but Joe stopped me and talked to me.
"I want to leave now Joe, this isn't fun anymore," I sighed.
"Phil..." Joe tried to say.
"Don't try to talk me out of it," I told him.
"We wrote these songs with Steve and I really think they should be let out and heard. This album is our dedication to Steve and we need to let our fans hear it." He told me.
"I don't know about this but I'll do it," I sighed.
"Thank you," He said.
"Don't thank me, this album deserves to be out since it's Steve's last album." I sighed and walked off.
"Yes it does," I heard Joe say behind me.
This was a long hard process and wasn't fun for me at all but we got it out and dedicated it to Steve. It became one of our best albums and that, I am proud of because it should be nothing less.
I was a wreck for a while, I thought about Steve far too often and had our pictures on my wall. I eventually took them down and put them in a box to keep for saving.
It got easier after a while and I met my wife and later she had my children. From time to time, even now days, I still think about Steve sometimes. Especially on the day of his death and on the day of his birth because those used to be the hardest days for me. I still love him and if he ever came back to life, I would tell him that but sadly that's not possible.
Steve Clark may be dead but he will always be remembered, especially by us and his family. He will always have a special place in my memory and heart and I will love him, always. We will miss you Steve.
In loving memory of Stephan Maynard Clark, 1960-1991