Kyo's journal... What can I say? KyoxHaru. WARNINGS: Yaoi, OOCness and bad jokes...
Warnings: Yaoi. Not right now, but probably later. Implicated yaoi all the way through. KyoxHaru, so if you don't like it you can lump it. Also, so OOC for the most part it isn't funny, except that it is funny, because this is a humor fic.
The Secret Journal of Kyo Sohma
Greetings pathetic and puny world, my name is Kyo Sohma, and if you are reading, you are about to die. Because I will kill you. Because you should not be reading my private journal. (Yes, that's right, journal. Not a diary. Only girls write diaries and I am not a girl, unlike a certain prat of a rat I know.) As for the logic involved in writing something that nobody will ever read, that will be ignored for the time being.
So then, if you're reading this (which you shouldn't be) then you probably want to know something about me. Like, shit, I dunno. How about ye olde likes and dislikes list?
Things that I despise with every measure of my being.
Things I adore with all my heart.
Chocolate (but don't tell Kagura).
Tohru's rice balls
Beating Yuki to a pulp (a guy can dream right?)
Screwing Haru - no! - I mean screwing with Haru - No wait, that's not it either! - Beating Haru to a bloody pulp! Yes! That's the one!
-Ahem- Anyway. I'm on the roof. Hiding from Kagura. And getting away from the disturbing and somehow aggravating sight of Haru batting his eyelashes at Yuki (although only in the most masculine of ways of course). How can anyone possibly be attracted to that girly jackass!? It actually makes me feel physically ill ... I mean what can Haru possibly see in him? Haru is much too good for the rat. Not that Haru's any good, I mean! Not that I'd know if Haru was any good! Only Yuki has a chance of finding that out... Oh god ... there's a mental image I didn't need in my life ... Haru and Yuki ... eurgh...
Oh dear god. She's here.
"Kyo-kun, Yuki-san said I might find you up here!"
Note to self: Kill Yuki and hang his entrails from the washing line.
Oh, and tell Tohru we're out of milk.
"Oh Kyo-kun, you're cut! Someone hurt you!"
"That was you, Kagura."
"And you're lip! You're lip is bleeding too!"
"Let me nurse you back to health!"
"I'll heal you, darling Kyo!"
"Get away from me!"
Have fled rooftop. Damn woman, driving me off my rooftop! Is nothing sacred anymore!? Right, now I need somewhere new to hide. Aha! The bathroom! I can lock myself in the bathroom!
"Kyo, do you mind? I'm in the middle of my shower."
Oh god. Haru. In the shower. Ergo without clothing.
"DID IT NOT OCCUR TO YOU TO LOCK THE DOOR!?"
"Kyo-kun! Where are you Kyo-kun?"
I guess this is what they call being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Somehow, Haru's nudity is less fearful right now then Kagura's glomphing.
"Hide me! Please hide me!"
"Hide yourself, baka-neko."
At least he's put on a towel ... but that doesn't change the fact that I've now seen all the proof in the world that his white hair is indeed natural. I think I'll be scarred for life.
"Kyo-kun!" -knock! knock!- "Are you in there my love?"
Haru, the stupid cow, unlocks the door and opens it, revealing an ecstatic Kagura, an amused Yuki and a highly concerned Tohru.
"Oh, Yuki!" Haru has flushed right down to his thin shoulders. It's quite becoming of him really, the colour in his usually frozen cheeks. I mean, as an objective viewer I can see he looks like less of an ice statue when he blushes, and I mean that simply as a totally platonic and objective comment, just in case you were getting any repulsive thoughts in your dirty mind...
Yuki is, of course, still completely oblivious to how Haru acts around him. But then, one wouldn't expect him to notice anything else when Tohru's in the room. Perverted rat.
Oh yeah, Yuki, I'm supposed to be killing him. Unfortunately there seems to be another obstacle in my way before I can exterminate the rodent.
"Kyo-kun! Why were you hiding from me!? Don't you love me any more!?"
"I've never loved you! Why can't you get that through your thick skull!?"
That may have been a mistake...
"Too bad! You have to love me!"
...oh god, the pain, oh god, the unholy pain...
"Why is everyone always breaking my house?"
"Shigure, shut up and help me up."
"Are you going to ask nicely?"
"Well then you can stay on the floor."
Fine. The ground is comfortable here anyway.