FicWad

Happy birthday to you

Patrick sat staring at the 21 candles, the flames flickering as people spoke around him, the air making them dance. He was half-intrigued with the nature of birthdays, not really caring if he got a huge party or many presents, more concerned about growing older. All his friends surrounded him, all singing as Pete stood lighting each candle.

Happy birthday to you

Patrick smiled up at his girlfriend, Claire Goodman as she slid an arm across his shoulder, proud to see her boyfriend enjoying something. Patrick brought her down for a moment, letting her sit on one of his legs as he adjusted himself into her form.

"Love ya baby," he cooed.

Happy birthday dear Patrick...

With a small blush igniting on his cheeks as Claire whispered in his ear, he leaned forward slightly, trying to prevent the perverse jokes he knew he was going to be getting from Pete later.

Happy birthday to you...

When the candles were blown out, Patrick could feel his heart racing at the loud cheers and claps of excitement as he did so. Claire smiled at his profile and he turned to look at her, flashing a smile of admiration before kissing her softly.

"Woah, woah," Patrick flicked his gaze over to Joe who was helping Andy cut the cake for the party guests. "Save it for the birthday sex," Claire giggled into Patrick's shoulder for a moment before sliding off his knee and moving to flip the lights back on in the dining room, everyone blinking for a moment to adjust to the sudden change.

"So what did ya wish for, Patrick?" Pete asked, placing a poorly cut piece of cake with too much frosting that cut Patrick's name into simply, "atr". He smirked and began to answer when Dirty clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Don't tell them or it won't come true," Patrick raised an eyebrow and began to speak into Dirty's hand.

All he got was confused glances.

With a guttural sigh, he whipped Dirty's hand away and leaned forward, picking up a plastic yellow fork and let it wiggle between his fingertips.

"Well, the record comes out in a few weeks, doesn't it?" he asked. Pete laughed.

"This is going to get all mushy, isn't it?" he asked. Patrick shrugged and forked a piece of chocolate cake into his mouth.

"Not really," he mumbled, a few flakes falling to the floor, Claire's dog Fluffy licking up the crumbs. Andy laughed.

"Nice one Patrick," Patrick glared momentarily before sighing.

"So we have all the arrangements for the plane ride back home tonight, right?" he asked, looking to his left at Pete as he nodded, swallowing his food before talking.

"We should leave here within the next hour or so for the studio to make sure everything is set, then back to the hotel for our things and by midnight we'll be heading out," Patrick nodded and watched as Joe wiggled his eyebrows.

"So if you want to tap that," he paused to point behind Patrick and over at Claire cleaning dishes at the kitchen sink. "One more time, I suggest you do it quickly," Patrick sighed and rolled his eyes, placing his fork down and cleaning his face off with the napkin tucked under the paper plate, appropriately designed with a "Happy Birthday".

"Excuse me," Patrick mumbled, standing up and walking past everyone, and as he entered the kitchen, he moved the doorstop away from the swinging door and let it close, muting the whoops from the dining room.

"Hey," Claire voiced, dipping her hands back into the water to grab another dish, scrubbing it with a sponge. Patrick waltzed over behind her and wrapped his arms around her slim waist, resting his chin on her shoulder and occasionally kissing the side of her neck.

"So, we are leaving in about an hour, you know," he spoke in a low whisper, trying to be suggestive but knowing he was either going to sound outrageously stupid or fail miserably in getting his own girlfriend of the past two years to have sex with him. She hummed and leaned into his embrace only slightly, placing the last washed dish on the counter, taking the hand towel and wiping her hands of water.

"What are you implying Patrick?" she asked, turning around and eyeing him suspiciously. Patrick smiled and nervously dug his fingertips into her hips. Claire giggled softly before shaking her head.

"Patrick, why don't you wait until I come back home too," she paused. "That way we can have the whole house to ourselves," Patrick frowned.

"But that's almost two weeks from now," he mumbled, feeling completely embarrassed of being capable of such suggestive behavior. Claire sighed, looking behind him at the clock on the microwave.

"Well, I still have to sell this apartment, Patrick," she whispered, trying to look guilty. Patrick knew something was up and tested her.

"Are you on your uh..." he gulped. "Uh," he stammered and Claire widened her eyes for a moment before smiling sheepishly.

"Ye-yeah," she gulped. "That's it," she breathed, kissing him to shut him up. "I'm just on my period, Patrick," she whispered. Patrick breathed out a sigh of relief and hugged her close.

"I thought you were trying to tell me you weren't in love with me anymore," Claire let out a nervous laugh and shook her head before patting him on the cheek, kissing his forehead.

"Just don't have to much fun in Chicago without me," she whispered.

Patrick nodded and with a very slow maneuver, he slipped back into the dining room, and out to the living room where he saw his friends missing. His back pocket vibrated once and he dug his hand into his pocket to grip his phone. Flicking the screen up he saw a text with a few typos from Pete.

When you're done banging your woman, meet us at the studio

----------

Venturing into the back room of Smart Studios, Patrick found his band mates sitting and bobbing their heads to the beats of their new record set to come out in early May of the year.

"Have we come up with a first single yet?" he asked, maneuvering to sit in one of the many office chairs that lined the soundboard. Pete shrugged.

"I'm just throwing it out there, but I think that Sugar will do amazing for us," Patrick shrugged and looked at Joe and Andy.

"Guys?" Joe shrugged.

"I don't mind really," he cleared his throat. "Whatever gets us back on the road and touring again," Pete laughed and high-fived him. Andy shrugged.

"This is the demo though, who has the master-tape?" he asked. Pete looked at Patrick and he raised an eyebrow before groaning and letting his hand slap against his forehead.

"Damnit," he cursed. "I left it on the nightstand next to the bed," Pete laughed deviously.

"So you /fuct/ed her?" Patrick glared at him.

"Very funny, Pete," he sarcastically put. "But no," Joe cut him off.

"You mean Claire didn't put out on your own birthday," he widened his eyes. "Your 21st none-the-less," Patrick shut him up by shaking his head. But this time Andy cut him off before he said anything.

"Blow job?" Patrick widened his eyes even more and parted lips to say something. Pete spoke up next.

"Hand job?" he asked. Patrick groaned and ran a hand over his face.

"No!" he bellowed, his three band mates leaning back away from him. Patrick sighed and relaxed for a moment. "She's just on, uhh," Joe raised an eyebrow.

"Her last straw?" Pete laughed.

"On a different dude's junk?" Andy decided to finally side with Patrick and put an end to the nuisance of Joe/Pete.

"She's on her period, dumbass," Patrick frowned, reminded of his previous embarrassment. Joe pulled a face and hissed, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Shit son," Patrick hesitantly stood and slipped his phone out of his pocket again.

"I'll call her and let her know I'm gonna stop by," he spoke. Pete stood up as well and began to switch off things in the studio.

"We might as well meet back at the hotel so," Patrick shrugged and followed them out.

"I'll see you soon," he mumbled.

Patrick watched as they all climbed into the rental while Patrick hailed a taxi, letting a slow exhale go as he climbed into the back of the yellow checkered car. The phone rang a few times as it rested next to his ear and Patrick creased his eyebrows together as it went to voice-mail quicker than it should have. He observed his phone for a moment, hearing the faint sounds of Claire's voicemail.

Hey, this is Claire. Leave a message!

Patrick stalled for a moment, wondering if he should or not. The shrill sound of the beep jerked him and he licked his lips for a moment.

"Hey, uhh," he paused and shook his head. "Never-mind,"

He closed his phone and shook his head, observing the passing landmarks until he pulled up to the apartment he had been staying in the past few months while they recorded their (technically) third album, /From Under The Cork Tree/. Patrick let himself in through the protective gate, feeling it was unnecessary to buzz and ask for permission to be let in his own apartment to see his own girlfriend.

Walking down the first floor hall, his feet soon took him to the freshly painted black wood door, and jingled his keys until he found the apartment key. The house was only partially quiet, what sounded like the TV coming from his and Claire's bedroom. As he closed the door behind him, he glanced up to see Claire stepping out of the room, her eyes wide as she scrambled to tighten the towel around her body.

"P-Patrick?" she gasped. Patrick smiled.

"Hey," he paused, walking over. Claire stopped him and walked over, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him tightly.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. Patrick kissed her forehead, moving to walk past her towards the bedroom.

"I left the master tape on the nightstand and I need it before I head back to the hotel," Claire nodded and breezed past him, pushing him back slightly.

"I'll get it for you, sweetie," she hummed, closing the door behind her as she stepped back in.

Patrick shrugged and walked back to the living room, letting his eyes observe the boxed things, ready to move back to Glenview with him. Patrick smiled again as Claire came out looking quite flustered with the CD case in her right hand.

"Thanks baby," he spoke, taking it from her and reaching out to snake an arm around her waist. His head came down to kiss her lips but he jerked at a soft crashing sound. He jumped away and looked down at Claire who widened her eyes slightly before glancing back at the bedroom.

"What was that?" he asked. She blinked.

"What was what?" she asked back. Patrick creased his eyebrows together.

"That sound," Claire shook her head and tried to prevent him from walking back to the bedroom.

"It was probably just Fluffy," she pressured, her voice laced with panic. Patrick shook his head and pushed a little harder against her.

"Come on," he mumbled, laughing as he got past her and pushed past the door only to have his breath escape his lips.

"Who the hell are you?" the man spoke, raising an eyebrow as Patrick observed the clothes on the ground and began to glue the pieces together.

Patrick felt his heart sink and rather than become angry at the situation, he felt an unusual feeling stinging at his eyes. He didn't cry often, but for god's sake he was in love with Claire.

And now what?

"Claire?" his voice cracked and he pushed his fingers at the corner of his eyes behind his glasses. She chewed on her bottom lip, speechless.

"I'm sorry Patrick," she breathed. Patrick shook his head and began to walk back to the front door. "Patrick!" Claire yelled. He ignored her completely, bursting through the front door and slamming into the frame, feeling the hallway rumbled slightly under his feet.

And as he began his journey back to the hotel, he knew that things were only downhill from here.

----------

Two weeks later...

"You gotta come out of there, Pat," Pete knocked harder against the wooden door.

This was his fifth attempt in that last hour or so. Pete looked as though he was ready to go all Rambo on Patrick's bedroom door. It was bad enough Pete had a key to his house let alone access to anything within those walls.

"Don't call me that," Patrick mused from beyond the barrier. Pete sighed and leaned against it.

"Patrick," he whined.

"Go away," Patrick replied, his voice growing more distant the more Pete pressured.

"But tonight's the record release!" Pete yelled, trying the knob again. "Do you really want to disappoint all the fans?" he asked. He heard Patrick huff.

"I'm not happy right now, Pete," Pete rolled his eyes.

"Well that's obvious," he paused to glance down the hall at the large package Travi had sent as a belated birthday present. "You haven't even touched your giant package," Pete blinked before laughing to himself. He heard Patrick begin to snicker from behind his door.

"That sounded completely wrong, Pete," Pete frowned.

"Come out of there, Patrick," he pleaded. The conversation turned back to begging. Patrick groaned.

"No," he insisted. After five more minutes of bickering back and forth Pete gave up.

"Alright Patrick, I'm done," he sighed, stepping away from the hallway. "I'll just call you when we get to the venue,"

Within his bedroom, Patrick sighed, and glanced back at the picture frame on his nightstand. As the front door slammed closed, Patrick shook his head and turned the old high school picture of Claire and him away from his line of vision. His feet carried him from his bedroom and out into the hall where he observed the emptiness of his "bachelor" pad.

"This is pathetic," he spoke to himself. He was about to turn back to the hallway when he caught the package/present Pete had mentioned. Patrick raised an eyebrow at the elongated size of the wooden crate, frankly frightened of whatever Travi had sent him.

"Crowbar," he mumbled, walking behind the bar of the kitchen and opening the bottom cabinets, pushing behind the fire extinguisher and dishwashing soap until he saw the metal of the crowbar. As he walked back into the living room, he rolled up his sleeves and stood at the foot of the box, observing the way it was assembled.

"Fragile, ehh?" he muttered, before leaning over and as forcefully as only Patrick Stump himself could, he rammed the crowbar into the side of the box and pushed up the side, sliding the cover off. He jumped back, and let the metal fall from his hands as he observed what looked like a human woman lying in a creamy yellow summer dress, her cheeks too pink for her to be dead. With caution, Patrick plucked the card she held in her hand.

Patrick, here's a girlfriend for you- Travi

"He bought me a girlfriend?" Patrick yelled to himself, turning the page in the card to see directions. "What?" he whispered. He looked away for only a moment to eye the woman within the box. In a split second, Patrick widened his eyes and scampered back, the directions flying backwards behind him.

She had opened her eyes.