Brendon tries to help Ryan...
Brendon's jaw had dropped open and had stayed open as Ryan tried to explain to his friend why he was wandering around the kitchen in a complete daze at 4am. Ryan's words were simple and Brendon's reaction probably quite predictable.
"Fuck." It was silent between them as Brendon tried to imagine how Ryan was feeling and Ryan tried to remember how to use the kettle. The simplest of functions had become complicated for him and when he turned to the fridge it took him a few seconds to remember he wanted milk for his coffee. "How the fuck did that happen man?" Brendon asked.
"You want a diagram?" Brendon grinned and Ryan laughed even though he felt more like crying at that point.
"Weren't you using anything?" he continued with the questions, in the same vain as Ryan had hoping there had been a mistake somewhere along the line.
"Of course we were." Ryan sat down opposite Brendon and pushed a mug of coffee towards him. "I guess it didn't work."
"Well something obviously went wrong!" Ryan answered him in an irritated tone.
"You should always check man." Brendon told him.
"Gee you think? Well thanks for that, but it's a bit fucking late now isn't it?" Ryan reached for Ana's cigarettes across the table.
Ryan sucked hard on the cigarette and Brendon watched him closely, trying to imagine how a baby would fit in to this equation. All he could imagine was how Helen would begin to control and manipulate this situation to her own advantage. He could see it now, Ryan trapped in a nightmare simply because he wanted to be a good father.
"What are you going to do?" Brendon asked. Ryan shrugged his shoulders at him.
"I don't fucking know." He said.
"Does she want to keep it?" Brendon softened his tone, not wanting to offend Ryan by suggesting such a thing. He was aware that people had very different views on abortion and he was fairly sure they had never discussed how they felt about it before.
"I think she wants to have it."
"Wow." Brendon took a deep breath. "What about you?"
"Me?" Ryan laughed sarcastically. "You honestly think I'm going to have a say in any of this?"
"Dude of course you will, its your baby."
"Brendon have you met Helen?" Ryan flicked the ash from his cigarette into the ashtray. "You and I both know whatever happens in this situation I'll be the last thing they consider."
"Her family!"" Ryan explained. "They'll take over, they'll make me marry her, they'll buy us a fucking house next door to their mansion in LA and that'll be the end of that." He took another deep drag. "Well end of me anyway."
It was silent again for another few minutes as the two of them sipped at their coffee and digested the information together. Ryan felt the tiniest bit better just being able to talk to someone other than Helen about it. He had left her fast asleep upstairs; she had worn herself out crying. Ryan knew this baby was happening, Helen had been clear on that fact but he just wished this mistake could have happened with someone else.
"How do you think Ana will react?" Ryan suddenly asked and Brendon felt so sorry for him at that moment. He looked across the table at him suggesting he knew exactly how she would react. "Oh man." Ryan dropped his head onto the table. "My fucking life is over!" he moaned to himself.
"It'll be ok." Brendon told him. "Whatever happens it will be ok." He leant over and patted Ryan firmly on the back. "Dude, we'll work this shit out together ok?"
"I don't love her." Ryan whined from under his hair. "I don't want a baby with her."
"I know you don't." Brendon continued to comfort him. "You don't have to be with her to have this kid with her ok?"
"Yeah tell her parents that!" Ryan said pushing the chair back and getting up from the table. "Would you do something for me?"
"Yeah anything." Brendon replied.
"Can you tell Ana?" Brendon raised his hands in the air. "Please Brendon."
"Don't you think it would be better coming from you?"
"No." Ryan told him. "I cant do it." Brendon understood and he nodded reluctantly because he didn't want to see the upset, he didn't want to see her pain when she realised she couldn't be with Ryan. He knew that would hurt and he knew he would resent Ryan for that.
Ana just kept laughing as Brendon sat quietly opposite her waiting for the truth to sink in. He saw the sparkle leave her eyes and the muscles in her body relax the exact moment she realised it wasn't a joke. He felt her pain as she raised her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes. It was everything she had been waiting for, she felt like such a fool to have thought any of this could ever work out. It was life, this was how things happened, no one was ever truly happy because at some point, something would come along and fuck it all up. If only Ana had have refrained from falling for this guy, if only she had have treated him like all the others then she wouldn't have been feeling this pain.
"I don't think it changes the fact that he doesn't want to be with her anymore." Brendon tried to make things sound less hopeless but Ana wasn't falling for that. It was hopeless, it was over, it was harsh, and it was life.
"Will she have the baby you think?" Ana asked in the most timid tone Brendon had ever heard her use.
"It's not definite but Ryan seems to think she will, her family's religious I think."
"Wow." Ana reached across the table for her phone and the keys to the rental car. "You know Ryan will make a great dad." She told Brendon.
"Listen Ana." Brendon watched her stand from the table.
"No Brendon you listen." She told her. "I'm going upstairs to pack some of my things and then." She dangled the car keys in front of him with a false smile. "I'm leaving."
"No Ana it doesn't -" Brendon stood up but she raised her finger and returned a 'shh' to him.
"I've been back and forth for too long on this shit Brendon and its fucking ridiculous. I should have never let it go this far anyway, this isn't me, this isn't my style." He wondered where the tears were, where the whines of how unfair this was were hiding.
Brendon followed her up the stairs giving her all the reasons she needed to stay, all the reasons this could have been shared. Ana held this strange smile on her face as if she had experienced some kind of revelation and Brendon knew what it meant. He knew she was so hurt she wasn't even going to begin to deal with this.
"Ana you can still be with him." Brendon told her and suddenly when she turned to face him her expression changed.
"NO!" she said firmly, anger on her face. "The fact that he couldn't tell me himself." Brendon saw the hint of some tears and he wondered if she was about to crack. "I'm done here." She added. "I can't take this crap anymore." She stuffed the last of her things into her bag and pushed past Brendon. Brendon wished Ryan had have told her himself, wished he hadn't been such a coward and made his friend do it. He was aware of how much that must have hurt her. He followed her out of the house again listing all the reasons she should stay and as he watched her throw her bags into the back of the car he wondered why he was trying so hard. Was it for Ryan or was it for himself?
"I don't want you to go." He then admitted. Ana turned to him. "I think you're amazing, I don't want you to not be around." Brendon surprised himself.
"Well." He watched the expression on her face harden and it reminded him of the day he first met her and how he found her so cold. "You'll get over it." She added and got into the car.
"Right." Brendon mumbled. He watched her reverse the car off the driveway and disappear up the road realising he would probably never see the part of her he liked so much ever again.