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I was stunned.

I realized my legs were about to give way; I leaned against the wall and slowly slid down.

I wanted to cry, I really did. But I couldn't. I was all cried out from before.

The cop took a hint and looked at Darry, "I'll give you a few minutes." He left and presumably went to the squad car.

Darry looked out the window, tears in his eyes. Soda came and sat next to me. I leaned my forehead on my knees. He put his arm across my shoulders and leaned on my shoulder. He started crying. I started to shake.

This can't be happening, it couldn't... how could Johnny be gone? He was there two days ago... in the lot, at the Nightly Double, yesterday, how could he be gone?

Ten minutes later the cop knocked on the screen door.

Darry, Soda and I sat on the couch, and the cop sat in an armchair across from us.

"When was the last time you saw the boys?"

"Yesterday at breakfast, they left to go see the Nightly Double at the Dingo." Darry said, Soda nodded.

The officer looked at me.

"Two nights ago. Johnny and I went to the vacant lot down the street to watch the sunset, and I fell asleep there and slept till four o'clock yesterday afternoon."

"Did you know the boys plans after the movie..."

The interrogation went on for hours, and I learned a lot. Johnny stabbed a boy (more than likely a Soc) named Bob Sheldon; the Socs had been drowning Ponyboy, if I know Johnny, he only did what he could to save Ponyboy.

Another cop radioed the first and said they had brought in a boy named Dallas Winston and he admitted that the boys were heading for Texas.

Texas. Damn.

Long after the policeman had gone I was sitting against the wall again staring at a spot on the ceiling across the room.

I sat there for hours, well into the night.

All the guys came and went, even Dallas (who was looking pretty bad, he got into a fight with Tim Sheperd) giving us three support, and trying to make me talk or at least move; but I would only blink. I wouldn't even move my eyes. I couldn't.

Darry and Soda fell asleep around two o'clock in the morning, me not long after.


When I woke up the next morning I was still sitting by the wall with my head tilted to look at the ceiling. Some of the guys were there. Dallas, Two-Bit, and Darry.

"Hey," Two-Bit said to me, he looked slightly angry, slightly sullen, and slightly worried. He turned back to Dallas and Darry, "Why can't I go?"

"Go where?" I asked quietly finally taking my eyes off the ceiling and looking at them.

"So she can still talk," Dally said. "He wants to go to Texas to look for the kids."

"Cool can I come?" I said, I was only half kidding.

"No! Because he's not going, we need him here at home base, the Socs have gotten angry, they're going on a war path." Dally said.

I finally shed a tear, and then I broke. I was silently crying. Tears came one after another.

Dally's hard look changed for a minute, to... compassion. He did something I never thought he'd do. He walked over to me and put his arms around me. He was really gentle, actually, not like last time, in the alley.

I think this baffled the guys, because I let him hug me, and they probably thought I'd never let him touch me, and under normal circumstances I wouldn't, but now I needed it. But when I put my head on his chest and put my hand on his arm, I saw Two-Bit's eyes change to confusion.

Then I realized something, his heart sounded normal. I could hear it beating in his chest. He didn't feel sadness, remorse, hurt for Soda, Darry and me, he just didn't care.

This made me snap. I threw his arms off me and I ran out the door. I jumped on my bike and just sped off, no helmet no nothing. I just drove.

I felt hatred towards the whole world. My sensei said, "If hate or fear takes over the body, no good will ever come of it." I tried to calm myself but whenever I got close, I got mad at someone else.

First it was Dallas. He felt nothing about this! How could he not? This is a terrible crisis and he feels fine? He is such a self-centred jerk!

Then I hated Pony and Johnny. They were smart enough to have avoided this! They could've. I was so angry.

Then I was made that the dumb idiot who invented money. Money to separate brother from brother, friend from friend, human from human. Soc from Grease. It wasn't fair.

My body was on autopilot. My mind didn't know where I was going, but my body did. I've had enough experience to know that when this happens I should just let myself go.

I drove on thinking of every possible thing to hate (there were quite a few) when I felt the bike slow down. I was where I was going. My mind gained control again, and I saw where I was. I was at the old abandoned church in Windrixville. It was my favourite place to go when I was angry or upset as a kid; I'd catch the freight up here and stay the night. I wasn't aiming to stay the night here though.

There was a pump in back where I used to go and cool off when I needed to. I did now.

I washed my face with the cold water. I felt better already.

I sat on a rock next to the old church wall. I was crying again. I couldn't stop. I thought about everyone I thought I hated: Johnny, Ponyboy, Darry, Sodapop, Two-Bit, Steve, that guy who invented money, the Socs, the Soc Johnny killed, and Dally.

Dally. I felt safe for the first time in years when he was holding me, and I don't know why, he scared me, and hurt me in the alley, so why did I feel like I was safe when he was holding me before. Ya, he's cute... hot even, but he has a black heart. I can see through him.

I got up and decided to go into the church. I played the old piano in there when I was sad. I was sad now.

The old door creaked open. The church was musty and dusty as usual. I could see a rabbit under a pew. I heard scurrying, slower than a usual mouse, so it must have been something else... something black and white... uh-oh.

I sat down at the piano and thought of what to play. Then I remembered that song the band played at the concert two days ago. It was called "My Immortal" and I thought I could remember how it went, I mean I had heard it in LA. I started to play.

"I'm so tired of being here,
suppressed by all my childish fears...

I thought of Johnny. I missed him so much.

"You used to captivate me,
By your resonating light..."

I felt awful, for not going to the movie with him.

"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone,
And though you're still with me,
I've been alone all along..."

Now I began to cry. I couldn't remember the last time I've been so sad. Johnny was gone, Johnny was in Texas. Man Texas is nice.

I suddenly heard a bang.

I stopped playing and whipped around. I knew what was up. The slowish scurrying, the bang, I was in trouble, and I knew it.

"Mr Racoon. So we meet again." I was scared of this thing, he had mauled me when I was about eleven. It was frightening, yet funny now, but I didn't want it to happen again. "I'll be leaving you alone to your business now."

I turned on my heel and ran back to my bike. I had to fix some things up at home. I had to apologise to Dallas. He was only trying to be nice.


When I got home I was greeted by Darry.

"Where did you go?" he asked with worried eyes, "You've been gone for hours."
"I know I'm sorry. Did I miss anything?"

"Dally's just confused by what you did before, so are we all actually."

"Ya, I guessed. Look where is he, Dally? I want to apologise for being so rude, I didn't mean to shove him off like that." I said. Darry looked confused.

"Never mind, where is he?" I asked again.

"Don't know he left just after you did." Darry said.

We walked into the house and Soda looked REALLY sullen. I figured it was about Ponyboy. I walked over to him and sat next to him on the couch.

"It's ok man, they'll turn up soon, I know it." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"It's not Pony and Johnny... well not just Pony and Johnny... my girlfriend Sandy... she's gone to Florida to live with her grandmother." He looked so upset. Then a thought hit me. Florida, grandmother, Sandy? Oh my God. Sandra!

"Oh Soda, I'm so sorry." I didn't want him to know I had already known about this, but not really known.

We all sat and just talked about everything all night. I think we all felt a little better afterwards.