- I've read this before, DS, but this is a fabulous first chapter. I love the way you show Baralai's interest right from the start -- it's a good move! Grammar and punctuation are excellent, and I even enjoy the little plays that you have in the first person, such as when Baralai never wants to hear the word 'league' again.
The way you describe Baralai wondering about Isaaru's robes is awesome, too. It's like he's undressing him, except not really. ^^ Cleverly done.
Baralai's aversion to alcohol is a nice touch, too. That's something I could very much see on him -- a drunk Baralai does not suit my tastes at all. The other three, however... you portray Gippal extraordinarily well.
An excellent story, and a good read. Moving on to the next chapter.
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